GOD.

2008-02-10T20:19:00.000+08:00

not going to blog here already. if i feel like it i'll change back to blogspot.

2008-02-08T21:15:00.000+08:00

chinese new year is such a BORE. woke up and checked the receipt and realised that my shoes cant be exchanged OR refund. that totally spoilt my day. watched a little bit of tv and went out to get lunch. it’s sad to be eating fast food for 2 days in a row. did some work and vacuumed the floor. i’m such a good girl huh. the best thing i did today was to file my stuff and i need MORE files. surprisingly, i accumulated LOTS of papers. oh well.

it’s a boring day. i shall go watch more tv later. essays? er.. perhaps tomorrow. Aunty Sarah invited me to her condo tomorrow. HOWEVER, i have no idea what we’re going to do there and i dont have the details. shall wait till someone message me and tell me about it. if not, i shant go then. i dont mind collecting dust at home. sounds like a great idea to me. lost all the mood and motivation to do anything other than rotting and staring into space. i’m the master of that. Xuan calls me a rock anyway. i’m living up to it.

bored.

2008-02-07T20:25:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! i am glad that it's here because it would mean that the break's here! it would also spell that i have TONNES of essays to finish by the end of this CNY break. damn the freaking school.

last minute new year shopping was alright. bought the overall thing and didnt manage to find anything else already. therefore, i'm going to do POST CNY shopping. ANDANDANDANDANDANDAND, I WATCHED SWEENEY TODD!!!!!! dear Cindy told me that we can catch it at Eng Wah so we went down to AMK's and watched it! the entire cinema was damn pathetic, with only like 8 people inside if i'm not wrong. initially there wasnt any sound at all. thank God this guy went to tell the people there. THE MOVIE IS BLOODY GOOD. bloody literally and yeah. i love their singing and i totally adore Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. she's damn perfect for the role, just like everyone else is. she didnt get it because her boyfriend's Tim Burton but rather, she got it through her own ability and auditioning. COOL EH. it's a sad movie seriously but i love it. the movie's damn good really. everyone who's 18 this year who wants to watch it, go Eng Wah. it's definitely worth the money.

went over to grandma's house for reunion dinner yesterday. the freaking jam was damn long so my father cut the queue. we were practically busy swatting flies and eating at the same time. i so love the soup my grandma cooked. pig's stomach soup - HEAVENLY. the table was damn small so i had to swallow my rice and let my grandpa sit in. watched a little of Miss World and went off shortly after dinner. came home and rotted in front of my NEW TV while watching some show by Nicholas Cage and John Travolta. went to bed and ta-da.

woke up this morning and went back in. pretty lame but oh well. yesterday, this custom guy wrote 'CHANGE PHOTO' in my passport. hello. i dont have the time to do so. seriously. anyway it only expires next year. shall do it when i'm free.

my grandma is one weird woman. my father's siblings forked out money to buy them a new pretty house and a car but my grandma prefer the old kampong house with NO toilets. oh i diarrhoea-ed yesterday the minute i step foot into my grandma's house. have to shit OUTSIDE the damn house and the toilet doesnt have the flushing system. -.- oh anyway, the old kampong house is like an oven. it's cooking all of us alive. sat down and fooled around with my beloved nephew who cant speak properly for nuts.

lunch was the same. swatting flies. after i had my lunch, i just held the yellow thing and started swinging it around to prevent flies from coming near the food. did that for near 3 hours and my hands are near the verge of breaking. the eat in batches and they talk a whole lot so i have to sit there and swat flies. i felt like i'm in Mars because they converse in Hokkien, a language that i DONT know and the irony is that i'm a Hokkien. -.- even though my job was deemed as NOBLE, i wasnt even paid for it. cant even eat the big fat prawns right in front of me when i'm busy swatting flies. after swatting flies, i chatted with my cousins for a while and left grandma's place with my cousin. here i am, having Macs for dinner and Monster and i are going to be home without our parents till Sunday. it's a good thing but with Monster? -.-

i realised that my grandma looked so old. my grandpa is a good old 78 years old already!!!! that's like damn fantastic. he smokes a hell lot and he's so old already. it's a damn good thing. my grandma looked way older. i feel the pain that i hardly know her or talk to her because of the stupid language barrier. my uncles and aunties wanted to give her a good life so they bought them a house but she didnt like it there. i guess it's up to her. i hope she'll continue to cook more pig's stomach soup for me till i'm OLD, just like i told my parents that i'm not going to get married and that they'll have to feed me and support me till i'm OLD. sounds selfish but i guess it's not such a selfish wish to have them around for as long as you can, especially my grandma. okay it's a happy occasion, no such crap.

i'm damn bored. shall go rot in front of the tv later. baaahhhh.

2008-02-02T23:42:00.000+08:00

i have this realisation while shopping today regarding WHY I AM I JC STUDENT. i'm glad i didnt choose a poly because i have to think of what to wear everyday and i wouldnt know what else to wear. plus, being super picky about every single thing, i am sure that i wont get to buy clothes. up till now, my CNY shopping trip had resulted in NOTHING. i didnt manage to buy even a single top. how pathetic can i get right? tsk. my mother's so going to kill me and nag at me.

yesterday, i was feeling quite relaxed after rushing out everything on Thursday. because of that mentality, i slept early, went home late, and didnt do my History essay thinking that 'oh i have a JC2 test slot tomorrow to finish it' and went to bed. guess what? early in the morning, just when i took out the bloody piece of paper, Aminah wants to have lessons with us. i was like !#$@$^%^!#%@^@$^!@#$@ all the way. seriously. she just announced it all of a sudden and expects us to respond to it. obviously we did. we cant oppose her, can we?

after that, i have to sacrifice my History lecture to finish my History essay and sacrifice my History lecture notes just because Nirms didnt have his. -.- i shouldnt have offered it to him but i did so oh well. next, the other class asked me why i didnt remind them about homework. first thing i said was ' i thought she told us during the last tutorial?'. i was thinking, am i your nanny or something that i must clean your shit for you after excretion?! hence i said, alright my fault so i asked them for their numbers so that i can REMIND them of all their work. Mrs Low said i shouldnt be the one reminding them. it's not an easy job to be a History rep. sacrificing your notes and your messages. RIGHT. the next time they're going to grumble is about collection of money. I DO PAY THE FUND AS WELL HELLO. it's not like i DONT. those are notes that you're supposed to get for lectures and all. dont complain and just pay since we're broke. argh!

it ended with the heavy rain and it definitely sucks. spoilt my day and i became really bitchy and critical. somehow, i miss being a total bitch as my classmates are alright. so when Duck and i went to NYNY for her desert, this woman came to me and told me no outside food allowed. i was drinking Coke from Subway and asked her 'what if i dont drink?!'. she was like 'er.. why dont i keep it for you?'. if i'm being a total bitch, i'll just tell her why cant i keep it with me. TSK. next, when i went to the toilet, this stupid sickening china woman cut the queue and went into the dirty toilet. i just stared at her with my piercing scary look and she didnt go in because it's dirty. SERVES HER RIGHT. if she wants to cut the damn queue, go back to china. i dont think they care. the next thing, this guy approached us to do some survey/sell flag/nonsense. it's common at AMK hub. i just said sorry and went off. repeated myself twice with a pissed tone. i should have said 'cant you see i'm busy walking?!' damn. all these things irritates me to the core. argh! i miss being a bitch to unleash my angst for the week.

hence i vented it out on Cheng En. i just hate it when people tell me this and it became that. so annoying i swear. climbed the fucking stairs and you know i cant climb stairs. in the end we climbed down and went up after a while. isnt that so stupid?! i'm like carrying a bag that weighs a TONNE. i was so pissed that i just snapped at him. didnt even bother to listen to whatever he wants to say and dump him his birthday present. went up and sat there looking so listless while Platinum that dog comes jumping around me. i wonder where all her energy came from.

feeling all so dizzy and having a horrible migraine and feeling so disturbed by it. went to vomit twice and i vomitted out my double choc. cookie. -.- diarrhoea-ed once when i didnt even have dinner. fantastic isnt it? i'm not having a fever even though others say i have. i wish i have a fever and cant crawl out of bed. that way it'll be the only time that i can take a fucking MC. listless thanks to .... my life is sucked out by her. was so disturbed about all these vomitting and crap that i didnt even hear the prophetic message. all i want to do is GO HOME. nothing sinks in and i feel so tired. argh. i feel no purpose in travelling all the way to Jurong when i'm dizzy and shit happens to me.

transport was provided and i gave my DNA to Cheng En. it's precious because it might be the only thing that's valuable in me. -.- went home and watched tv and went to bed immediately. couldnt take it.

today, i declare the hatred for myself. shopped for the entire fucking day and nothing was bought and the word 'fuck' just kept popping out in my head when i went to Bugis St with Nat to look around. I HATE THAT PLACE BECAUSE IT'S SO CROWDED AND IT'S SO WARM IN THERE AND THE AIR IS DAMN POLLUTED AND I HATE THOSE CLOTHES HANGING AROUND THAT LOOKS SO LIANISH AND I CANT STAND THOSE TECHNO MUSIC BOOMING AROUND AND I'M HAVING A FUCKING MIGRAINE. period.

it's the first time i'm out with Jeslyn and it's great. went Little India with her at first to look for the shop. found it after walking a few streets and thread my eyebrows. the sound of the plucking of hair and all sounds cool and after that you can feel the numbing effect. Jeslyn did it too! she was so nervous but she did it still. went off to Bugis and had dinner at NYDC. it's damn sinful and i had a beefy meal. totally awesome! went to shop around and Nat and i didnt get anything while Jeslyn benefitted the most. she bought her new year stuff already while we are still empty handed. she went off after that so we went to Bugis St and that's where the nightmare begins. i began to lose ALL interest in shopping and got rather irritated and just wanted to go home and rot. now i begin to appreciate the art of rotting at home. took 80 home and the ride was fucking cold and long. almost died in there without a sweater.

here i am. waiting for Monster's return so that i can challenge that damn song in his PSP. didnt manage to complete it while taking the train down.

if i'm not Aminah's student, i will become her best friend. she's about my height and she's all so critical and angsty, just like me. i shall aim to become like her and stay single. i am critical and bitchy too so oh well.

i miss being an awesome bitch. DARYN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! miss bitching with him.

unquiet right now.

2008-01-31T19:25:00.000+08:00

i'm currently at Jeriel's house. his house is pretty big for a HDB. never ever mix anything with Bird Nest drink. it tastes super horrible i swear.

today's a super busy day as it's the last day of the month. everybody's rushing homework and assignments. lost my total inspiration for Lit essay so i didnt attempt it until this morning. it was roughly done during GP lecture and i didnt even do a conclusion. bet Spencer's going to kill me once he reads my essay.

wasnt paying attention during the morning assembly because i think the principal is being really lame and pretty dumb for shouting into the microphone when it's supposed to AMPLIFY someone's already SOFT voice and NOT loud voice. i know she's all hyped up and enthusiastic about greeting us but we're so not. we are beyond that stage of greeting anyone with enthusiasm, especially school staff. i dont understand what's going through her mind when she started talking about belief and all. bet she still treats us like secondary school kids, which is like a total insult to us. it's not up to us to see if we dare to dream or not. sometimes it all depends on your capabilities as well. if you're like that guy in the first class, who is super kiasu about every single thing and studies really well, you will be the one taking H3 and taking part in Olympaid. it's not up to people like ME who have thousands of limitations to decide if we can belief that we can take H3 or not. regarding the million dollar issue, it's not because no one wants the million dollars. it's just so not realistic to the point that no one would believe for real.

Spencer's alright today. one thing he said was really funny about you-know-who. i told Feng that i should change my name to something more sophisticated like Gatsby. though it sounds really stupid but i'm going to try. Economics was alright. she was a little pissed when she didnt see the two guys but thank God they turned up. went through the essay and she ate into our break like always. she said that we only NEED 8 minutes to eat our food and 2 minutes to walk down so we have ample time. she's actually alright for today.

Math was spent talking mostly. GP was sheer torture. we were like all rushing for every single thing today. everything seems to be due today so we were all trying to complete our stuff. i am sorry for Nat and hope she's really okay. was a little depressed with it. went off with Duck and Fishy to Jeriel's house and here i am. utterly sleepy and i am trying hard to finish my History essay outline. however, even though the heart is willing, the flesh is weak to comply. therefore the History essay shall only be done tonight. perhaps i'll just rush a piece out for her tomorrow for show. thank God tomorrow's a short day and smooth and easy-going. i am just glad that tomorrow's Friday.

i am super red now. the Bird Nest mixture tastes like SHIT. shall wait till i'm not red before i go home. if not my parents are sure going to give me hell.

i'm tired and feel like sleeping right now. argh.

2008-01-30T21:16:00.000+08:00

i am back once again to entertain Parmes dear. even though i still find my daily rants a bit annoying, she finds it entertaining so i guess it's a good thing for her. at least i know my blog as at least a reader. i'm sure Xuan's one too. she's just too sick of hearing things about me as she will start giving me her bird face with this message saying "stop being such a critic and idiot simxuelin." yes i know, Xuan. i'll TRY but apparently it's not working. remember how i even corrected that damn actress during that movie for her English? okay that's beside the whole point.

i'm glad i'm still alive, after three days of school. Monday was just horrendous and i swear she hates our class from that point onwards. you-know-who (NOT Lord Voldemort that disgusting worm face) just started to scold all of us and all and it's a norm already. all these just simply sucks the essence of your life out of you and you will feel like a walking zombie after that. the day DIDNT fly like i expected it to as there was NO Econs but oh well. rushed off to meet my beloved kids at Suki Sushi. i just miss sitting around with them and just talk to them. at least they can make me forget about my horrible day at school. caught the movie '27 dresses' and it's funny. i'm not the lovey dovey shit person so i dont really appreciate the sweetness that she felt but i guess the right word to use is sweet? nevermind. all these shows are just trying to tell those girls out there that 'HEY IT'S OKAY IF YOUR SISTER GETS YOUR GUY BECAUSE YOU'LL GET ANOTHER ONE WITH HOTTER BLUE EYES'. that's not going to be possible, yo.

Monday was a useless day and i was so fucking tired that i reached home and didnt do a single shit. homework seems like an alien word that was cast out far far away from my mind and i just head for bed. woke up the next day feeling like shit and giddy all over but i have to get to school. it's a fucking routine isnt it? mass PE never fails to make me feel like i am cursed with a disease that i need the stupid morning sun to perk me up and walking round the track makes me feel even more giddy. it's especially so when you're having a migraine and your mind is obsessed with the FACT that your ECONOMICS HOMEWORK IS NOT DONE AND SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME. rushed it out and guess what? she didnt go through it because she came and gave us HELL. with her openly declaring her hatred for our class is bad enough. fancy hearing all those blunt words coming out from her mouth. i pity Sng that he got us as his class and that he deserve some better class that she likes. it sucks when you hear a particular teacher hates your class because of your lousy attendance. i mean we deserve to get scolded and all and she does make sense but cant she just shower us with a teeney weeney bit of CONCERN and some COMPASSION towards us?

i dont expect her to be sympathetic towards my migraine problems and i absolutely know the FACT that i'm just an IC number to the Brits marking our papers. whatever she said contained truths and i understand that she wants us to do well. however i still hope that she'll be a little nicer to my class and dont use such blunt words. it demoralises us like shit and it made our day so sour. sometimes her harsh words serves as a motivation for some to prove it to her, while some will just get so fucking demoralised that they feel like doing what she said - drop out of college. her words either break us or make us. i would dare say that i'm not the motivated shit. after what she said we just went to swallow our food as fast as we can and go for Lit class. Sng was feeling sympathetic towards our feelings and shifted CT up. it just spoils our day and it made my migraine worse. forget it.

went home after the history drama discussion and took a power nap of half an hour. totally drained me. went to get foolscap and tried to finish the newspaper articles but left with one. wanted to do the Econs essay outlines but have no energy and brain power to.

i know that wanting to go back to J1 seems stupid because it's just living hell right now but why would i want to go through her and the same thing twice? seems stupid and it's probably an act of cowardice. i dont know.

today, her tutorial was first and like last Wednesday, she was in a good mood (considered a good one). perhaps she's a morning person. there were jokes and laughter and i really hope it'll be the same for all tutorials. i need her to get me my Ace in Econs so i hope we'll not irritate each other like what she said. it's pure torture and it's damn painful.

since the day started well with her, we werent so sour after her lesson. swallowed our food and rushed for lessons still. kept wanting to sleep but i cant especially during the last lecture, Econs. she's just sitting right behind me. it gives me additional pressure not to do anything funny. getting all hanky panky in front of her = committing suicide.

i hope i am still in a piece by the end of this week. next week is just two days and one day of her. Econs test is on Monday and i'm sure i'll fail it AGAIN. failure is like my new best friend. look at my Block Tests. it's so FANTASTIC that i dont even get demoralised after i received my later part of the History paper. it's not the worst so i guess i'm immune to failing already. yes i admit my study method is wrong. memorising can get me no where. i dont even memorise. i just see what i can remember. whatever. Mrs Tan's going to come chase us for Math Holiday Assignment. I'M NOT EVEN DONE OR TOUCHED IT. -.-

i'm so tired now and i have essays and newspaper articles to complete later. dont even feel like dying after i died today. brain's malfunctioning like mad and i'm not even making sense.

sorry Parmesy. this post is not entertaining. wait for me to regain my awesome bitchy self first.

dead.

2008-01-26T20:42:00.001+08:00

i'm damn tired right now. just got back from CVD and it's really a very tiring event. from what i heard, the crowd wasnt as big as last year's. it doesnt matter actually for what matters the most is the fact that OUR BUSINESS WAS GOOD AND WE FINISHED SELLING OUR DOGS! i think we did a great job as a class and our dogs are really fantastic alright.

couldnt even wake up this morning but still crawled to school. watch 85 go past me when i'm only a few steps away from the bus stop. that totally sucks but i am too tired to go to Compass Point to take 965. sat there and rotted and waited for the next bus. the entire CVD was alright. not really very entertaining or very interesting. it was boring and i am stingy to spend my $12. everything's expensive because it's a fund raising event. the highlights are perhaps the dunking of our VP and Ms Tan. she's really damn hot alright. probably the hottest being in our school that can make us turn our attention towards her and make girls feel totally lesbian. seriously.

i kept walking around aimlessly and i ran a hell lot today. went up the fourth floor to get bags but the door was locked so i went down and i went up again and i went down again. how very tedious. almost died and skipped all warm ups. our performance time was pushed forward and i'm glad for it. however, after that i have nothing to do so i rotted around. walked around by myself a whole lot and dont know what i can do. was damn tired from walking around. must thank CL and his friend for coming and buy the ticket from me. i wouldnt want to swallow $12 for i dont know what i can get. wanted to get those face paint or tattoo thing but i'm just too lazy for it. i'm just lazy basically.

at the end of the day, i just sat the stall table selling Lemonades. it's the only thing left to sell and i'm glad business's okay. totally rotted there and stoned. too tired. almost over shot the bus stop because i couldnt wake up. argh. bought dinner and came back. i stink and i just want to lie down there and rot. really.

complaint to my mother about Monster being a total bastard yesterday night and she was just staring at the tv screen. for a moment i feel like i'm talking to a WALL. she couldnt do anything to Monster and neither can my father. ARGH! i'm angry that my parents are unable to defend their child and i'm left to fend Monster off my back by myself. how can they BEAR to witness this?! my mother even told me in Chinese 'haiya you guys sort it out yourself'. i was like O.O how can she say this kind of thing?! isnt she supposed to do something to stop his bastard ways and convert him into a oh-i'm-so-lovely brother?! i feel suppressed and oppressed at the very fact that Monster can threaten me like a loan shark. he'll slaughter me if i overshot the computer hours and he'll poison me if i FORGOT TO SWITCH ON THE BLOODY FAN IN HIS ROOM. i mean, how dumb can he get please? i find him utterly disgusting to the core and i hated him to the bones yesterday night. i am sick of living under his domineering rule when he's not even an independent person, living off his own salary or anything. he's just a stupid civil defence army boy, coming home feeling grouchy from the day at work and releasing all the angst at us. come on, get a LIFE. no wonder up till now at the age of 20, he's still UNATTACHED. bet no one wants him.

like what Duck said, nobody deserves such siblings. Monster used to be VIOLENT alright. those were the days where i lived in fear and i cant even fight back. now that we're all older and he's just an old bag of bones like me, he cant resort to violence and he knows that it's only physical hurt. he's smart enough to go threaten me with the daily essential things that i NEED like the computer and internet connection. he bans me from using the computer right after my time is up and there is NO allowance. before we shifted to Seng Kang, he promised to give me more allowance if i help persuade my father to let him place the computer there. apparently i was duped into believing that it'll ever happen, like believing that fairy godmothers exist. now that he's schooling at some shit school, he'll use all the excuses in the world, saying that he needs the time to study and he should have NO distraction. i argued that we can always shift the computer out into the living room and there he goes again, yakking like a spastic asshole that he'll ban me tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and probably forever and start attacking me with the migraine problem of mine. MINE i repeat. he doesnt sympathise with my migraine problems but come and say that it's all fake and all and i should just attend school like any other normal kid. I'M NOT NORMAL HELLO. he doesnt have a fucking migraine so he should STOP saying such retarded things as if he has migraine and that oh-i-am-god-so-i-know-everything. he started COMPARING me with his colleague, saying that 'sometimes his migraine is so bad that he has to go to the sick bay'. THE THING IS HELLO, THERE ISNT A SICK BAY IN OUR SCHOOL ANYMORE YOU DICKHEAD. after saying that he said 'what kind of school is that?' well i never ever said that our school is like HCI where we get all the facilities in the world right?! next he started saying 'his migraine is SO bad that he has to do a brain scan THREE times'. the emphasis was on the word THREE. so? three times means that his migraine is bad and mine isnt because i didnt go a bloody brain scan three times? COME ON FUCKHEAD, HIS SCANS ARE SUBSIDISED BY THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE HE'S IN THE ARMY. I AM SO NOT IN THE ARMY AND SO IF I NEED TO DO A BRAIN SCAN I'LL NEED MONEY FROM OUR PARENTS AND YOU THINK WE OWN BANKS?! fuck.

he just doesnt make sense and doesnt think. i am sick of being under his thumb like an ant. it sucks being a middle child when you dont do the same thing to your younger sibling to make yourself feel better. he does it to us okay. what kind of Monster am i living with?! he has his nice moments but that was when his period doesnt come. he's forever pissed at work so perhaps he doesnt realise that the problem lies with HIM and not the others?! he's the eldest so he doesnt realise the pain of being under an older sibling. i am disappointed with the fact that my OWN parents cant help me in ANY way. i know i am highly independent and i dont expect anyone to interfere with this but MY PARENTS?! they are the ones who gave him LIFE and they should seriously discipline him. sad to say that didnt occur to their minds last time and now they cant do ANYTHING because he's already fucking 20 years old. i just hope that he'll move out of the house like the next year or something. HOWEVER, HE'S NOT AS INDEPENDENT AS ME SO HE'LL REMAIN A PARASITE BY STAYING AT HOME AND SUCK THE ESSENCE OF OUR LIVES OUT.

this may seem like an essay but i dont really give a shit. i dislike Monster to a extremely large extent and that's my stand. even when he's being nice and all it's only going to last for what? less than a day?! the other time Cheng Long wanted to invite him to church for Christmas and i violently objected. i told him, it's either you see HIM or ME. you choose one. he said Monster's nice just because he's only seen him once and that day happened to be the very day that he kept going on and on about this particular point and his main purpose is just to ridicule me?! he never fails to make me feel so small and so useless about myself and he never fails to remind me that "HEY IDIOT YOU'RE GOING TO SCREW UP YOUR A'S JUST LIKE MINE SO YOU SHOULD JUST GO TO A POLY" every single day. how sick can he get? he's extremely perverse i swear. he never stops harping about this particular point just to humiliate you and make you feel lousy when you cannot even tease him at all. he'll end up snapping at me and banning me from all those technological stuff and start threatening me with all sorts of things and start making me feel like i'm the lousiest child that my parents can ever have due to my migraine problems.

i wish he'll understand. my mother said something so ridiculous. she said that his existence is to stretch my patience. FUCK. even if my patience isnt that good, i still have to endure right?! afterall he's such an ass and i cant even do anything about it. if people say that i'm mean when it comes to shooting people and all, look you havent seen the king man. he's the ONLY one that i lose to and if you outdo him i'll say you're my hero. i learnt it all from experience. we shoot each other from the day we were young till this very point and we'll never stop being mean to each other. it reminds me of how alike we are in this sense and it disgusts me. i dont want to be like him and i dont want to follow his footsteps in screwing up my A's. the worst thing is i used to worship him when i was little, wanting every single thing that he has. that was just so dumb and naive of me and i swear that i'm going to erase that bit of memory. i just told my mother that i swear that i'm going to make it big so that next time, he'll be the one at my mercy and he'll have a taste of his own medicine. he'll be begging me on his knees and i cant wait for that day to come. whoever said that siblings have strong kinship? it doesnt happen to my family. we're like enemies. he's the Monster and i'm the Terrorist. he's the Bitch and i'm the Bastard. that's who we are.

even if i'm sick of it and even attempted thoughts of killing him in all methods, i dont want to pay for the crime for killing such a loser. it's not worth it. i'd rather endure and do damn well so that he'll have to pay back thousand times of all the shit that he gave me, including all the humiliation and the deflation of my morale. he'll pay for this.

i sound angsty and sick. he's the one who caused this misery too.

enough of him. i'm so tired that i'll just lie there and totally start to worm and wish that tomorrow will never come. even though we have that report at 9.10am on Monday thing, it doesnt happen to us because we have Econs with you-know-who. oh well.

eyes are damn tiny now. sorry if this isnt entertaining.

2008-01-25T23:08:00.001+08:00

firstly, i must thank Parmes dear for finding my blog so entertaining, even though it's full of complaints and crap. i think she's the only one who finds it entertaining.

another issue is that i should just get rid of the bloody tagboard. even if it's non-existent, it doesnt matter as it's been dead for a LONG while. i should really consider it or just change to LiveJournal or something where i dont have to care about the tagboard remaining stagnant. good idea?

thank God it's Friday today and i feel like dying already. the week is so LONG that i dont think i can go through it. i was trying to concentrate on every single word Mrs Low said during her lecture but apparently it's pretty painful to stay awake. the eportal talk in the morning was bullshit and it doesnt make any cow sense at all (note it Xuan, COWSENSE LOL). however, the day was made funny with Spencer looking so cute and all. this indian teacher came into our class by mistake and he went out to ask him about it and all. we asked who that was and he said "Mr Samyyyyyyyyyyyyy" (i dont know how to spell his name actually but it sounds like Sammy). we corrected him and told him it's Mr Sami (supposedly pronunciation) and he went like "alright i'm sorry i didnt know that". he definitely sounded very cute! well that was first. the other funny part was when he started making the ox sound. we were like "what the hell is he trying to imply?!" and he pointed to Nirms. it's supposed to mean oxymoron and him doing the ox sound and pointing to Nirms means that Nirms is the moron. LOL. Literature was FUN today.

the second funny point of the day was Econs lecture. i seriously think that her feisty and angry self isnt there so often anymore. she's not like shouting at us like last year so i guess it's a GOOD thing. her mispronunciation and her bad English is still there, sadly to say. today she mispronounced a series of words such as 'perminent', 'PPC' sounds like 'PPshe' and the funniest part was when she wanted to say 'firms step up production', it became 'SPERMS step up production'. wow the entire LT just burst into laughter. well that totally made our day.

i saw this utterly COOL girl at the train station and i've never seen anyone like her before these days. she's so stylish that i go 'wow' the minute i see her. she's so damn HOT that everyone will stare at her. her hair is like those normal boring long hair with the bangs in front. isnt that so stylish? then move on to her spectacles. wow she's like following the nerdy trend. she's wearing a high waist jeans and a striped shirt fully tucked in with a pair of running shoes. she's prepared for all occasions as she can run for the bus, train or even a cab. i think the invention of the phone is so that you can listen to your calls PRIVATELY but apparently she's a very open-minded person so she set her phone to loudspeaker or something. next she was like holding it a distance away and shouts into the phone about her ideas and opinions to that special someone. someone so hot like her has a boyfriend from what i heard so i guess there's hope in the world afterall!

blowing thousands of balloons made me want to die from the lack of oxygen travelling to my brain and apparently my mouth's going to die too. being in a band is an advantage as we learn how to breathe and store air inside our body. therefore Pei Ru and i were doing most of the blowing job. oh well. tough and tiring but forget it. all for the sake of the stupid fucking CVD that earns us new tables and chairs. HUR.

whatever, CVD. thanks for the torture and the ugly carebear look a like tee-shirt. i wouldnt wear it the second time. believe me.

Monster shall burn in hell. i shall endure him for this lifetime and after we all die, i'm going to just wave him goodbye. i've never seen a biggest fucked up bastard like my own brother that i cant wait to kill him and then kill myself to pay for the crime. he pisses me off like nobody's business and i swear if i can kill him without making my hands dirty, i will.

2008-01-24T20:08:00.000+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS TO MY KIDS WHO DID WELL. i see more joy than sorrow this year so i guess it's good. this year's results comes out really fast and i guess it's good to start school earlier so that they have more time to prepare for their promotion exams/poly whatever tests.

the Economic retest was not even a retest. we were trying to cram everything into our heads before the test and we couldnt even concentrate on anything. i was so super tired and sleepy that i knocked my head on the teacher's desk without realising it until the loud sound. i swear i suffered a concussion or something. tsk. there's this lump on my forehead and i cant even touch it because it hurt so badly.

i got the chance to see my conductor, like finally. he's alright. boon peng kept singing his praises, saying that he's damn friendly and nice and all. oh well. was saying that those juniors who can get off our school, we would congratulate them with all our hearts. those who have no choice but to stay here, we would console them with all our hearts as well.

i am damn proud of my kids. definitely not going to psycho anyone into coming to my school because it's FAR and apparently everything thinks that our school is lousy. even though i hate everything that is happening right now and the stupid school system, if it helps me to Ace my A's i wouldnt mind going through all these. there will be bound to have hard work before anything good happens.

CVD's this Saturday and we are not even started with the decorations. we are all on shift like the entire day and plus i have to perform so i bet i'm going to be damn tired. tiring like shit but oh well. i have lots of homework undone and i dont even feel like doing GP essay. tsk.

tomorrow's Friday but i'm not glad at all. the CVD tickets are still with me and i dont think Cheng Long remembers about it since i didnt want to take the money from him the other day. should have done so. argh. feel like an idiot. i guess i'll have to swallow the entire $24. O.O

tired. gone. currently at XUAN's house. came here the second time today already. oh well. miss Mickey and the rest of my kids. baaahhhh.

2008-01-22T20:12:00.000+08:00

there's a history blog for our batch. seems really cool. i think Mr Ong thinks we are online like 24/7 because he updates it so often. the best thing about the thing i just checked out is: EXTENSION OF THE ESSAY! cool. i was intending to finish it this week but i can shelve it for now. just realised i have 8 newspaper articles to complete for History alone. okay i shall get started on them. just asked Mr Ong for help to get 2 more SEA articles. hope he'll really give it to us.

Econs test tomorrow. i start the day with that subject and end the day with that subject. thanks so much. i so LOVE the subject and the pain it brings me. totally regret taking Economics and NOT CSE. i dont even know of such thing alright. argh. cant even take a MC on her tutorial days, which is everyday except Monday. Literature students fall sick easily, unlike SCIENCE students. yeah Lit students are not human and they are. i so fully appreciate the kindness shown. she's prejudice against Lit students. it's SO OBVIOUS. but she's good. what can i say? she can help me Ace my Econs. bear with it.

my History blocks is definitely screwed. i got back my paper and i was like 'OKAY i'm DEAD'. really. the lousiest marks i've gotten so far. i dare not say i've tried my best and i didnt really study hard for it. i deserve it but it's just helluva demoralising. Math doesnt affect me much because it's just MATH to me. it's not something i'm good at you see. in secondary school, i'm always like scoring well for History. right now, i'm just losing it. demoralising, but true.

school tires people out and it definitely made me suffer from premature aging. like really bad premature aging. with the CVD crap and all. it's bound to tire all of us out. what's the purpose of that thing? so that we can purchase new tables and chairs? i dont even care about the school and i doubt we have values to celebrate. i have to practice for the stupid performance and it's cutting my lips. i really appreciate Jonathan for being a nice and understanding SL because he doesnt push me so hard and let me take rests. he wont see this so it's alright. my section has nice people so i hope they'll understand my predicament. Atiqah would definitely know because she's been through it.

anyway, contributing to the school doesnt even benefit us. they'll probably introduce reforms after we graduate and they expect us to do shit for them and fork out money? utterly ridiculous and dont make sense at all.

Monster is another pain the ass. he banned me from using the damn computer when i'm supposed to be checking out the History blog and all but that's beside the point. he banned me because i used it at 11pm for a few minutes last night. how petty can he get? fuck.

too tired to continue typing. to distracted talking.

fuck school.

2008-01-20T16:24:00.000+08:00

suffering from Sunday blues. cant imagine i have a long week awaiting me. with the new timetable that shifts PE from Monday to Friday, i just wish i DONT HAVE PE AT ALL. Friday's supposed to be a SHORT day. it's been like that since God knows when. now they bloody hell change the PE and the conversational skills thing to FRIDAY. it'll just mean i can no longer go for short shopping trips before Mannalife. thanks school. i ADORE your planning so damn much that i cant wait to get out of the damn school. Friday would be a day when i dismiss at 4.10pm, when i'll be all stinky and sweaty from PE. even though i wouldnt be taking PE for this month, it doesnt mean that i dont have to go for Feb's. this is utterly ridiculous. every Monday have been an utterly long day since God knows when so why cant they just let it be?! plus, i dont have a test tomorrow so the 1.5hours was supposed to be a major rotting session for us. i just hope Aminah wont come and steal it away. if she did, then i'll be seeing her EVERYDAY. there's supposed to be a day WITHOUT economics AND GP. -.-

i know i'm always complaining. if i dont complain here then where do i do it?! or am i supposed to be all so emo and blog about sentimental shit? come on, it's only entitled to God's knowing. He doesnt have to read blogs to know. that's why i stopped blogging about those crap 'cause everyone else is doing it. no point, hello.

Friday was good 'cause i bought my jacket! was having a bad day in school with me NOT understanding a single shit Ms Tan's talking about. i left lectures with thousands of question marks on my head. suddenly i miss Aminah's lecture. she might be scary, but she explains things to us using terms we understand and NOT those stock market graphs crap. initially i still have hopes of scoring for economics. right now i dont really think so. next during GP was an utmost @#!#%!#%^!#$! thing because we were supposed to stay back to finish the work. i wasnt even informed of that piece of work and i have to stay back for it?! it's damn bloody unfair but there's no such word as UNFAIR in his dictionary. after that we did it in class and that was when he declared that we DONT have to stay back. THANKS.

went to Novena to look at Nat's jacket and walked around to see if there's mine. took a bus to town and at Far East, the guy told me he doesnt have size 38 and said that for my size, 36 is just fine. thanks, i know i'm short. it's the uniform that is making size 36 small. walked all the way down to Cineleisure with our heavy bags and the woman told me she saw the wrong size. -.- bought size 40 instead and she gave me a discount due to their bad eyesight and all. i benefitted from it so why not? spent a long time at EDC and Nat bought her jacket too. head down to Toapayoh with Auntie May looking at me for a long time at the platform. talked to her and head down for Mannalife. new experience for it's at Macs.

i know i'm short. Joel's friend just likes to call me MEI. that sounds so lianish and i cant take it. doesnt matter. he's just a kid. Cheng En and i strongly insist that Cheng Long shouldnt buy skinnies. however he just bought a WHITE pair with Yang Jun. advices tend to fall on deaf ears. it doesnt matter because it's not ME wearing it. WHITE. oh God.

Cheng En woke me up from my beauty sleep yesterday and after that i head down to church. Monster refuses to let me eat WHITE RICE because it's his dinner. how selfish can he get? VERY. ignored him and head down to church which is like a super long journey. the way Jedi reads his chinese is like the way Lynnette reads hers.

Mos milk tea rocks. random but true.

my family members are the BEST. Monster went to M'sia today and my parents brought my sister along with them and didnt even LOCK the door. the gate was locked but hello. I'M SLEEPING AND I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED. they didnt even leave me lunch or LUNCH MONEY so here i am, blogging without lunch. not hungry but i still need to eat right? couldnt even get them at their mobiles so what are mobile phones for?! they SWITCHED it off okay. it's not going to appear as a miss call. what about dinner?

i sound like a spoilt brat. i'm fine without food actually. no appetite. no intake but there's output. feel like shitting all of a sudden. baaahhh.

i applaud Cheng Long's free calls out. it's so amazing that today's morning call can last so long.

i'll suffer from Monday blues tomorrow. i swear. there's sectionals i think. havent been playing for a long while. tried Nash's trombone on Friday and i wish i have such a big mouthpiece. it doesnt hurt that much, with the braces on and all. CVD's on Saturday and we're selling HOTDOGS. better than the beauty parlour. thank God.

Chinese New Year's coming. everything seems fast this year. damnit. no mood though. just like the pineapple tarts.

2008-01-17T20:08:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a really dramatic day. i went to the clinic at Duck's house and that doctor didnt give me a PMC. she only gave me MC till the end of this month. #$!^@$@$%!#$! will think of another plan after that. okay here comes the dramatic part: i was taking the long bus ride when i heard a *thump* sound. initially i thought the bus rolled over something so i looked to my left. this stupid driver, drove his car too front and the bus rammed over the entire front part. i was like 'WOW'. okay so as Singaporeans, we all hold true to our KPO spirit so everyone was moving towards the left (my side) and try to see what the hell's going on. there are even people holding their camera phones or digital cameras, trying to snap a shot. so what do they do with it? send it to the press and earn some money?!

the digital camera part tickles me. it just means that they carry their cameras everywhere so that they can cam whore? this is so ridiculous. so Cindy and i remained seated, hoping that the bus driver would just drive the damn bus. apparently, he's not going to do that and after a LONG while, they made us all go down and take the other bus behind. there are even funny uncles downstairs, taking out their toto ticket and looking at the car plate number with wonderment and awe. -.- what kind of society are we living in? i have NO idea.

thank God the bus met with that stupid accident at Clarke Quay. we can take a train back since it's already quite late. when we got down the bus, the car driver approached me and asked me for my number in case he need witness towards this accident. i wanted to tell him 'eh uncle, i think you're the one at fault here hello'. didnt want to say that in case that fuming uncle want to punch Cindy and i so i just gave him my surname and number and left. on the way down we saw this pair of guys eating ice cream together and they look damn gay together. okay that's beside the point.

i couldnt sleep last night and kept tossing and turning and this morning when i woke up i felt like dying. felt lik vomitting and my head's spinning. tried to get back to sleep but it took me an hour to do so. woke up and went to the polyclinic to get an MC. this doctor seems really friendly and nice and he is the first polyclinic doctor that asked me so many questions. anyway he said i should go consult a specialist and i was like 'orh' and just stoned there while he asked me questions. i have many packets of medication now and yesterday the Doctor Yeo just gave me another packet. today i have another packet and soon i'll have a collection. cool huh? i want to consult a specialist too. however, i think it's going to be really expensive and it's not a really smart move. my parents wont really care and there's no way they'll let me go. boo. anyway i think the amount of money i spent just on the doctor crap is already a lot. but it doesnt matter to them 'cause i'm the one paying it. -.-

now i just feel like dying. thank God it's Friday tomorrow so this week was just one day of lesson for me. jacket hunting failed and i cant seem to be satisfied with what i saw so oh well. the day out with my kids ended with a good note of chocolate fondue at Haagen-Daz. that's so sinful but at the same time, heavenly! it's definitely worth the money and thank to Sher, we only need to pay the service charge. the day was spoilt thanks to the rain and we couldnt go anywhere. stuck at Swensens and their food sucks. saw Pei Shan there and complained to her about her lousy service. hah.

well. i love my kids. too bad Mickey wont get out of his house thanks to those 7 princess. shall date him out once there's no more 7 princess shows but it's not really possible. hah. Guang came and to find us after his work. they are like complaining about the adult fare while Sher and i are still using student concession. mine is just a short term bliss only.

there's school tomorrow. my Lit results are HO, HORRIBLE. Spencer's bit i scored lik 9.5, 9.5. oh well. Aminah's pissed with all our results and i'm not surprised.

gone.

2008-01-14T19:18:00.000+08:00

SAY GOODBYE TO EXAMS AND HELLO TO SSSP. argh.

Mathematics and History's over today. i was utterly distracted the past few days and just yesterday, i gave up studying. was walking around, watching AVP when i'm supposed to be studying, diarrhoea like twice or thrice etc. total waste of time. OH not to forget, time spent playing PSP. -.-

Mathematics was #$@^#*^#$^%@&#%*#%@#$ it was like bullshit and cowdung. i was either busy doodling, staring into space or at the question or i'm figuring out my calculator. damn. i hate it when i suck at math. it's the one subject that i totally dont want to get in tune with and the one subject that will never make it into my hobby list. argh. three hours seems a tact too long for a person like ME who cant do math. i feel like i'm wasting my life away, every single minute.

the break was spent NOT studying History. even though there's increasing guilt within me when i see Mrs Low having her lunch at the canteen, i still DID NOT study. damn. i must be the biggest ass on Earth. the History paper was OMG. i saw the questions and i was like 'FUCK'. after that i just sat there and stone for 5 minutes before i start penning rubbish. it was pure utter rubbish that i was writing. 3 hours is too long once again. argh. pfft. i didnt even study on Korea War and then it came out. i couldnt remember a shit about Religious Fundamentalism and i didnt manage to write much. SEA was o.o the stupid Asian Financial Crap. ARGH ARGH ARGH. who the hell wants to learn about it when it's bloody hell over and i dont even think it's related to History even though Mr Ong said so. -.-

overall, I'M DEAD.

the more i study, the dumber i get. maybe i wasnt even smart to begin with. i'm dumb to begin with. oh God. like i said, i declare the fact that i gave up yesterday and i lived up to it. cant imagine the face that they'll give me when they mark my essays. perhaps they'll vomit buckets of blood and get sent to the hospital's ICU.

currently at Duck's house, with her studying behind my back and Nat sitting right next to me. the Fish Pond's gathering at Duck's house. sounds cool huh.

TWO BLOODY DAYS OF HOLIDAYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
PMC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay. gone.

2008-01-13T16:37:00.000+08:00

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

that was sheer randomness. i'm supposed to be STUDYING right? o.o where the hell is MOTIVATION? -.-

was talking on the phone w Duck this midnight. i was rotting and all of a sudden my phone rang. who the hell would call at such an ungodly hour? must be Duck 'cause she's too bored. talked talked talked and she's not tired at all. i'm amazed at her boundless energy when it comes to talking on the phone. i should learn from her eh. maybe it's just yjc students. or maybe it's just us being the exceptions. blocks seems to kill us and suck out all the motivation from us.

i'm stuck with my sister at home and i just refuse to open my mouth thanks to those horrible ulcers. thanks, the stupid metal shit thing on my molar. it's biting my gums and it's creating all sorts of nonsense for me and ulcers makes me not want to eat anything. fuck. i cant wait to take out my braces really. it'll cause me more ulcers in time to come.

after tomorrow i wouldnt want to touch my notes anytime soon. i'm doomed for math i swear.

Anthem for Doomed Youth. sounds like Anthem for Our Dying Day huh. almost wrote that for Literature please. oh gosh.

XUAN!

2008-01-12T20:39:00.000+08:00

well well. i'm finally back to blogging. i'm SUPPOSED to be studying today but apparently i'm NOT doing what i'm supposed to do. oh well. i am highly distracted by the tv since it's SATURDAY and i just cant seem to find the right motivation to study. game over.

the paper on Friday was OMG. was studying on Thursday night and i suddenly gave up. i simply have NO wish to continue studying. even though the name instills fear inside of me, i still lack that motivation. when i took the paper, i was like 'FUCK'. there wasnt even a choice for the essay questions and i didnt even touch on the barrier of entry part. definitely doomed to fail. was utterly demoralised and dont have the mood to go think about Literature. 3 hours of writing killed me and the Prose sent me stoning. i was like "FUCK" once again. how am i supposed to start?! i really dont know. while i was doing my paper, i stopped and stoned for 10 minutes and thought of Xuan. just wanted to tell her something so contacted her after the paper but she's out.

went to Duck's house with Jeriel, Nat, Nette and Colin. it was war once again at her house and they're all scared of the entire situation. for me, i'm used to seeing it because it happens almost everyday. indeed Duck dont deserve such sisters but she doesnt have a choice. talked a lot and went off near 10. i was damn tired. the brain's dead after 5.5 hours of paper. oh God. i went home to watch tv, bathe and slept immediately.

the next day, i dont even remember my alarm ringing. was supposed to meet Hong Li in school at 11am but apparently she called me at 11 so i woke up at the time she called me. rushed and went down to school to meet her. Uncle Taha was being lame when he said i looked different when the day before he laughed at me for being SHORT. i'm used to people saying that to me actually especially when Jeriel that Squirtle calls me SHORTIE every single time he sees me. well he isnt much taller when he claims to be 1.7m. in actual fact, he's just 1.68m so he just conveniently rounded his height up. delusional kid eh?

went out for lunch with Hong Li and Kiah Wee and went back to school to study history. was highly distracted with NO mood to study but i did a few lectures on Religious Fundamentalism. i hate that topic but i have to study that topic so i'm left with NO CHOICE. went down to Joel's house and continued studying there without dinner. hungry till the point that i'm no longer hungry and i just sat there to NUA like a worm.

i've failed to sell the CVD tickets and i am actually NOT willing to sell it because i'm sure NO ONE wants to come for it. what VALUES can we celebrate?! it sounds really amusing to me. however, if i dont sell the tickets, it would mean that i have to ABSORB $24. money motivates me to sell it even though i know clearly that no one wants to come and waste their money on such crap.

anyway, the vending machine at Toapayoh interchange's really cool. i wanted to get a drink and my money just got eaten. after a few punch from Yang Jun, the machine vomitted out more than i put in. it's amazing isnt it? the machine made us laugh and i find it absolutely amusing. if you're broke and you need cash, go punch the machine for money then. it's just in front of the 159 stand.

well, after one day of NOT studying MUCH, i am utterly ashamed of myself for being still ONLINE. apparently, my mind had already prepared myself for SSSP so i guess it's alright to flunk anything else that comes on Monday. i'm definitely going to fail math and throwing it away seems like a smart choice. now i think i'm dead for History too. i'm definitely dead for Econs and i dont expect myself to pass at all. with that kind of shit answer and shit prepartion, i'm sure Aminah will slaughter me alive. if the principal doesnt allow Colin to retain, i'm sure she will. she's forever telling us that it's not too late to go to a Poly or to go back to J1. i'm sure she'll fight for retaining to happen.

i predict that's going to happen to me once she realises how ridiculous my essays are. she knows our background and what subjects we failed and everything about us. she's like a PI in short. i am in awe of her as she's amazing. thumbs up for her and she's definitely a legend in our school.

i cant wait for the blocks to be over so that i have one day to heal my wound. demoralised to the point that i dont want to study anymore.

to hell with JC life!

2008-01-08T13:49:00.000+08:00

this is only the beginning of a new week in school and guess what? i took early leave yesterday. migraine really killed me and it killed me hard yesterday. was really trying very hard to concentrate during history lecture but i dont think i can take it anymore. GP will kill me so i took early leave. warned sng about my fantastic attendance last year and showed him all my painkillers. took early leave, went down to two different banks to get a new card so that i wont feel so broke. went home and slept like a pig. couldnt meet the MOE people for my head doesnt permit so i just had dinner at home. didnt manage to eat much thanks to my horrible appetite. the entire day was just an omelette, ribena and a few mouth of rice. thanks migraine.

today it's a similar scenario. i slept early yesterday alright! it killed me so badly that i dont even want to wake up to go to school. was damn giddy and all. going to get MC later 'cause it's going to be a long wait if i go now. when i woke up my head was spinning, even up till now. thanks migraine. i so adore you. fuck.

thursday's economics paper and i missed aminah's lecture AND tutorial today. well well. whatever. i need the rest at home. i wouldnt be able to concentrate in school even if i go anyway. taking another early leave is such a joke. i'm doomed for blocks and i'm certain i'll be going for SSSP. fuck.

all in all, i just wish to chop off my head. IS THERE NO FUCKING CURE FOR THIS TERRIBLE THING CALLED MIGRAINE?!

2008-01-05T22:09:00.000+08:00

surprise surprise. the only one who came to encourage me after seeing my msn personal message turns out to be Ng Zheng Yi. isnt this so surprising? he's the least expected person to be encouraging me but turns out that he was the only one. well at least i know i have a nice ex-classmate. just a pity we dont talk much. oh well.

didnt manage to celebrate Angeline's birthday and watch the movie with JUDE LAW in it. things always tend to screw up and i find the message totally ridiculous that i dont want to reply. tsk.

well well. nothing much to say. just thankful for Zheng Yi's encouragement.

2008-01-05T14:54:00.000+08:00

it had only been 3 days and i already want to throw in the white towel to surrender. it's so damn tiring that you are not even leading a LIFE. it's more of like a routine or you're more of like a robot. every single time you hear that it's econs you'll have to think of the fastest way to run for her lessons. every single time when it's nearing her lesson you'll reveal a face of fear that you'll lose all concentration in ANY lesson before and start packing. people who dont take H2 econs just love to watch us run for our lives. it's a sick mentality but i guess they'll never understand. last year we were all told about the fearsome monster and now we're experiencing it. she made my life so colorful and wonderful that i want to die. even if i lost my memory and forgot all my teachers, i'll never forget her. i am NOT exaggerating for you can ask anyone in school about her. humiliation is at it's best here. i'll develop immunity by next week so that no amount of scolding will affect me and traumatise me like this week did.

apparently we're all separated for math class. this is like a direct discrimination. we were all grouped and trust me, we were grouped according to our promotion results. this is like directly telling me that 'HEY THEY HAVE HOPE TO PASS H1 MATH SO DONT BE GROUPED TOGETHER WITH THEM SO THAT YOU DONT SPREAD YOUR VIRUS OF FAILING TO THEM'. how nice. i really feel that there's this class difference. i'm obviously at the bottom groups so that just proved that i'm lousy at it and that i should not affect people who's in the first 2 groups. how nice can the school get?! you put a group of lousy people together, we'll just end up being lousy together. you put the smarter ones together you'll receive hope. people like maurice who topped H1 math last year should be in a different class from us because he's going to Ace it and the tutor will make sure he does. what about us?! does it mean we dont deserve that kind of treatment and hope? they send good teachers to teach the better classes and outrightly disgustingly throw us aside so that we can just forget about even PASSING math?! their hopes is to ACE it and ours is just to pass it? if we are in the same class, at least we can have different people of different marks together to motivate each other. this is so disgusting and i swear it sucks. discrimination at its best indeed. fuck.

history wasnt that bad for we have empathy from Mrs Low and i am grateful for that really. she's so scary last year but she turns out to be nicer this year. perhaps being a history rep. for her seems to be a better choice than being an econs rep like Feng. she has no choice and i absolutely hope that that scary monster dont give her hell. history lessons seems like attending bible studies for we went all the way to B.C. period. religious fundamentalism is SO confusing and NOT easy to study. all those names that i can hardly remember. -.-

life is as bad as it can get at the moment. went for Mannalife yesterday and Pastor told us a lot of things that set me to think. it makes me wonder where i stand right now and am i going to grow at the rate that school's killing me? i dont know. it takes time and i think i need plenty. i am guilty of not reading the bible daily and i guess i'm too occupied with thoughts of sleeping and doing homework. from this point onwards homework's just going to start piling up like crazy and we'll have block tests next week. i have yet to really start and i know i'm sure to attend SSP. however, i do hope that i can avoid SSP as much as possible by passing my subjects. school makes life meaningless and apparently at this stage it's going to matter a lot more. i dont really understand why Cheng En can have this optimistic mentality that even if he screwed up his A's, it doesnt really matter to him anymore for he's sure that God has something better for him. if i were him and i screw up my A's, i'll probably end my life instead of thinking that God has something better for me. i take exams seriously and i wont fool around with my A cert. it doesnt worth a lot and it's definitely not as worthy as a Poly diploma and even an ITE cert. i wonder why am i still sticking to this path and not choosing to go to a Poly like what scary monster said. i just want to complete it with good results and not screwing it up. nothing else is more important than that now. if i can be like Cheng En, so optimistic and all, perhaps i'll start to screw up my A's now. i'm sure God wants me to put in as much hard work as i can for my A's. i shall try harder to live a life of a robot.

just after 3 days and i want to go back to J1. i feel that i'm NOT ready for As. however, if i go back to J1 this year, i'll still have to get promoted and go to J2 and experience shit for the second time. this isnt worth it at all.

i have tonnes of homework to do and essays to write and i still have to go celebrate Angeline's birthday later. however, watching a movie with JUDE LAW inside made everything worth it. even if i want to end off my life as of this instant, i would want to watch Jude Law for one last time. okay that sounds utterly stupid. obviously my wish is not going to happen for i have A's this year right. yeah yeah. results are going to be out real soon this year and God bless my kids! hope they'll do well and that they'll choose to go to a Poly because i dont think they'll like the stressful JC lifestyle and even if they are smart, be one of those who spoil the Poly market by going to a Poly. period.

XUAN PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY YOU WANT ME TO TAKE MY PAY BEFORE YOU GET A JOB. i wanted to date you out next week but i have blocks. unless you want to study with me, i dont mind but you would. you can wait till after 14 Jan. i have holidays before school officially start again.

i realised i have my pay deducted for CPF. -.- that's dumb for i think that 30plus dollars is going to make a difference with birthdays coming. they even sent me a letter to welcome me on board or something. stupid.

shall go watch my sappy korea drama. that's what Saturdays are for. dont even feel like having lunch though i'm damn hungry. havent had a really good appetite since last year. fuck. when will i ever resume my good appetite? -.-

fuck school. fuck life. fuck everything.

2008-01-02T20:19:00.000+08:00

first day of school was -.-

was so afraid i couldnt wake up this morning but i managed to. thought i'd miss the bus but thank God it came the moment i reach the bus stop. Kiah Wee that silly girl forgot the time that we're supposed to report to school and she even forgot to take the earlier bus. walked to school and at the gate i got a shock of my life. there are like balloons that looked so uber gay and people standing right there welcoming us back to school. first thought was like 'oh this is so crap'. i so DO not like the idea of going back to school. bet those people are liars when they say that crap.

i already knew our CT's going to be Sng so i was already like -.- yesterday. took attendance and we had a very very LONG opening speech by the principal. she's NEW and she's really hyper. i wonder where she got her energy from and i'm just glad that she can speak better English than the previous one. her stories are really like primary school stories and i bet she treat us like her secondary school children. bet lots of us fell asleep when she told us her stories and my facial expression was plainly -.- i so want to get out of the stupid hall and go back for CT.

had CT at the basketball court. it's so cold out there and Sng was no where in sight. he told us to grab a chair each and we didnt take one for him. he asked why and i just told him so. i'm just merely following instructions. did something stupid and Feng and i gave Holy answers. i cant believe the topic on 4D is actually mentioned but i shall hope for the better. living with this is seriously OMG. really.

had history tutorial and we combined with 224. i'm the history rep once again and this is so expected. heard that we have thousand and one stuff to do this year including history blog and forum and all sounds stupid. the journal especially so. we dont have much time, yo! we're J2 students. hearing the huge amount of work we must do and all made me want to go back to J1. embarking on a J2 route seems so dumb all of a sudden. ):<

the scariest lesson of all is still econs tutorial. OMG. she's really scary. have been hearing about her since last year and i finally get to meet her and experience her all so wonderful way of teaching. she's so scary that everyone remained silent throughout and we dont even dare to LOOK sleepy. she's going to be our tutorial teacher as well so God bless me please.

first day of school sucks big time and we have to go take our examinations timetable already. we only have 2 days of exams and the rest are rest days. i'd rather have a paper each day so that i have more time to study since i have yet to really start. i have a history essay undone and i'm totally clueless about where to start. this year seems all so scary and fast paced that i dont want to grow up. being 18 is so stressful. forget M18 and drinking and driving. i'd trade all these for a smarter brain to score all As.

thank God we dismissed early and i went to compass to buy some stuff. Elaine and surprisingly Angeline came to find me. Cindy came too so we head down to BK. was really surprised to see Angeline and we were already planning her future husband for her. rotted for a long while before coming home for dinner. supposed to be searching for information on the care for handicapped people in Singapore but i got badly distracted. -.-

I HATE SCHOOL. SO FUCKING HATE IT. ):< tomorrow is another LONG agonising day for me. i dont even know who's our math teacher. PFFT.

2008-01-01T20:22:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

met up with my 131 classmates on Monday at Vivo City. Lunch was at Marche and i really miss the 131 people. we're just a bunch of crazy people all grouped together to form a class and our reputation was fantastic. even though we wont be promoting as a whole class, we'll still see each other around except for Daryn, who's been accepted at MI and Rocky, who's taking her private A's. 226 wont be the same without some of them but still the rest of us are going to kick some ass!

after lunch was desserts at Swensens. i'm so going to miss Daryn's bitchy self as he will miss the way we bitch about Rio. to those who's in her class, may peace and patience be with you. went off with Navi to Outram and even though we were classmates, it was pretty awkward for i've never really been close to her. turns out to be a great time to have a good chat with her and she's indeed a very nice girl. it's not just me asking questions but it's really a conversation. would really love to have a quick chat with her soon.

went down to Tanjong Pagar and head down to Icon. watched those boys swim around while i sat there playing Soh's PSP and read my 8 Days. after a LONG while, they've decided to get up and go for dinner. walked to this hawker centre nearby and i didnt eat anything except for 2 Gyoza. definitely no appetite at all. head down to NTUC to get junk food again and head back to Icon.

the craziest thing that happened that night was Cheng Long's videos. he bought so many bananas that he got high on bananas and he started to be a little ... crazy? he suggested proposing with a BANANA and started plotting this entire story by himself and made Yang Jun video it. i dont know what's with him proposing with a banana but agreed to be part of this crazy plan. it's just so weird with him proposing to me with a banana but we kept doing it over and over again to the extent that i'm SICK of bananas. however, Cheng Long seems to be never lacking any ideas for proposing and he started doing one with BANANAS and MENTOS. -.- i lost count of how many videos we took and how many bananas we've eaten but this was seriously insane. i bet he's been wanting to get married for a LOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG time that's why he's thinking of a banana proposal. however, which girl would accept a banana in replacement of a DIAMOND RING?!

went to the small apartment and count down to the new year with card games and PSP. played bridge with Soh and Cheng Long and i am glad he did not do anything stupid. i told Soh that if one day, if i were to ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever get married, he'll be my bridesmaid. tells us so much about Soh isnt it?

wanted to flag a cab at freaking 4plus am but to no avail. my head almost killed me on the spot so i went back to Icon, trying to sleep. however, lying there with no bed and air-conditioning makes me really irritated. Cheng Long's pulling of my hair massage hurt damn badly and i do not believe it's of any use. i seriously think he's like a superman, coming up with whacky ideas and knowing almost anything. from head and shoulder massages to foot massage. just name it and he'll know it. sounds really cool isnt it? the foot massage killed me and the way he say it, it's like i'm a total goner with the entire body screwed up.

PSP-ed till 7plus am while Soh and CL started snoring beside me. everyone seems to be sleeping except for me. took a LONG while to get people to wake up and cleared up the mess, played murderer and went for a swim. have to go swimming in my PE shirt and it's really weird. i'm surprised i can still hold my breath and swim far enough. CL wanted to challenge me but i ended up teaching him the correct swimming style AND even though i was shorter, i was way ahead of him. that proves that my years of swimming did not go to waste.

my parents are on the verge of slaughtering me and my phone died on me. head home and felt really cold. well thank God that they didnt and i'm still in one piece. i'm really tired and i want to just go and sleep. school starts tomorrow and i have to be able to wake up! fancy over sleeping for your first day of your J2 life. oh. -.-

had fun with the youth and guess this shall be the last indulgence. i dont think i'll ever have the time to swim again and ever stay over like that without sleeping at all. i lack sleep and i need to sleep but i never seem to be able to. every night i worry about not being able to sleep that it pissed me off so badly. to hell with all these problems. hope that when school starts, i'll be so tired every day that i'll just knock out without anyone's help.

school oh school. you suck. new time table sucks. wonder who's my new math teacher. i just dont want to get that teacher who takes the same bus as me every morning. i'll pray hard.

XUAN NG. I'LL MEET YOU UP REALLY SOON TO RETURN YOU THE MONEY AND WHERE IS MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT?! YOU ARE GAY. JUST ADMIT IT. (:

2007-12-28T20:03:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS! okay even though Christmas day itself is already over, it's better late than never, right?

must seriously thank Mel for hosting the Christmas gathering at her house on the eve and even though there were some hiccups, it was still considered a success. initially i thought i was the only one staying over but the guys stayed over too. playing retarded games with them was just totally hilarious and i swear that Zheng Yi's damn fit! he can do so many push ups and not feel tired at all. the other guys were on the verge of dying already. i bet he's training on the sly and deny it when i said he's more buffed up than before. when guys go over to poly, it's either they buff up (like Zheng Yi) or they become fatter (like How Chye).

reminiscing about the secondary school days were really nostalgic. brought back a lot of fun memories. there were loads of classic examples like How Chye's loudest whisper and all. it was fun talking to the entire bunch of them. i was awake the entire night and the funniest part of when Wei Sheng choked while snoring. played Dai Dee with Hong Li etc till they left and we went upstairs to burst the remaining balloons. it served as a free alarm clock for those sleepy heads. had breakfast with Yuan Lin and went off to church.

the ice breaking game was alright but i was a little too lazy to move about. my eyes were like damn small due to the lack of sleep for two days. the performance by the kids were great and they are so adorable. Gor Rennie was damn good and i really enjoyed the skit. after that was lunch but migraine killed me due to lack of sleep so i totally forgot about it. was engrossed with little Paul and a few others. Uncle Greg and Tim Tim were so adorable sleeping together. talked to a few of the adults and i sure miss them a lot.

ultimately, going to church on Christmas was really good as we have to remember the fact that celebrating Christmas is all about Christ, not about Santa Claus and gifts. was really touched watching that short video clip and Pastor Don's sharing. realising the true meaning about Christmas made Christmas all meaningful. went home really late and the train journey was LONG. playing metal slug was great fun and Jireh that little boy just likes to prove that he's damn good.

went home and slept like a pig till 26th and i'm totally not in the mood to do anything at all. watched Enchanted and it was really good. went out to meet my girls for dinner at J8 and as usual, you can see Hannah running after the bus. had a good laugh and the reason why she was earlier than before is that she did not buy our presents. went Cartel for dinner and went AMK hub with Nat. talked to her and went back home. felt sorry for her as she missed her last bus.

XIAOXIAN! xiaolin therapy will always be made ready. just a message away and ta-da! though xiaolin's shorter than anyone else, just make do with it!

met up with Cheryl on 27th to watch 'I Am Legend'. that was our initial thought. however, we concluded that it's going to be a little sucky so we've decided to watch 'National Treasure'. the first one was good so i wanted to watch it. walked around while waiting for the show to start and the movie was DAMN LONG. was super urgent and rushed to the toilet immediately. the show was good and definitely worth the money. watching it at Cathay makes everything cheaper.

went to meet Wan Xin in town and we walked all the way to Far East. didnt have the mood to shop since i'm feeling lazy so i've decided to just walk around blindly. took the bus back to PS since we were all lazy to walk and heard this very funny conversation. this guy tried to laugh at another guy when he pronounced Melbourne WRONGLY. please, in future, if you ever want to laugh at someone's shirt or anything, check your pronunciation. thanks.

went out with Xuan today as i wanted to get my shoes. wanted to get Levi's but the new designs werent nice at all. head down to AMK hub and even though i dont really like converse, i shall just settle for it. spent a lot of time at the shop trying out many pairs of shoes and bought a pair at last. sadly, size 4 seems a big for me and the smallest size is 4. the kids shoes are really gay and forget it. shall wear my new pair of shoes like flip flops again!

we were really bored and so we've decided to head down to Sherlene's house. here we are playing some funny games and i'm blogging. tomorrow's Saturday and school's going to start!!! damn. i fear SSP already. apparently, Duck said she can be my motivator but apparently she didnt date me. oh well.

okay shant blog so much. Xuan's complaining that it's more than a thousand word essay. cant help it if i type fast. seriously. Xuan is lousy. she's singing this song behind me and she sounds utterly constipated. OH GOSH. she sang the barney gay song. tsktsk.

I DECLARE THAT XUAN IS DAMN GAY AND SHE SAID THAT XUELIN WANTS TO BE SUCCESSFUL! XUAN HAS A FAKE ACCENT TOO. BOO.

2007-12-24T16:19:00.000+08:00

right now i'm really sleepy and tired. stayed over at Mel's place yesterday and we did a lot of things. we baked and did a lot of stuff till like 6am before we eventually went to bed. the night walk was good and the Roti John supper tasted really weird. doubted that it's really chicken but still ate it anyway. this is called not wasting food.

early this morning, Wan Xin woke us all up at 11plus but i just went back to sleep. head hurts too badly that's why. did those salad stuff and all and we're now waiting for time to crawl. Christmas this year is a little better with my 4 UNITY people around. baking and preparing the food stuff with Mel, Wan Xin and Cheryl was fun and i really miss secondary school days. hope those people who agreed to come will come and have a great night together.

going to sleep over again today and going to wake up early to go to church tomorrow. i'll feel really retarded sitting down there by myself but i guess it's alright. afterall getting used to it is what matters the most. wanted to ask Xuan along but will have to see how again. Cindy's going to work till 6pm so i'm going to be really bored the entire afternoon. everyone made plans for Christmas except for me but i guess i'll just make do with it. afterall it's not a smart idea to go out when it's a festive season. i dont even drive for God's sake. getting around is definitely NOT convenient.

talked to Duck but she doesnt seem to be replying. the rest of the girls are downstairs playing mahjong. felt really tired and migraine's here to attack at such an ungodly hour. Christmas never fails to make me so sad and all. it's alright. new year's beginning and i'm not prepared for school to start. options starts flowing in but i want to stick to this particular one.

congratulations to Daryn for getting into MI. i'm sure going to miss his nonsense and his long legs. no more irritating people from 131 in our class but i dont know about our new classmates. hope they're nice and that's all i can ever ask for. 226 wont be fun without the 131 gang.

Christmas spells the start of new year resolutions but every single year i dont attempt to make any because i'm not going to stick to it. i guess i'm not that determined.

shall really brood over Christmas tomorrow. -.-

2007-12-22T20:15:00.000+08:00

the very reason why my parents are still like that with nothing much to their name except three irritating children is that they are satisfied with what they have. there isnt anything wrong about it but cant you at least attempt to make life better? i really dont understand.

SUNDAY.
i forgot what i did on Saturday already. it must be something really insignificant. woke up on Sunday at 7am feeling really giddy so i went back to sleep with a irritating throb in my head. Cheng Long texted me to ask if i'm going to church but apparently he doesnt understand how bad the situation is. woke up in the afternoon with the same throb but went to Cindy's house to play BRIDGE! my deck is super fantastic but it had to be re-shuffled. ):<

wonderful eh?

after that i couldnt remember what i did. went home to pack for youth camp and slept really late.

MONDAY - THURSDAY. YOUTH CAMP.
went for youth camp. there were people invited and i'm surprised to see Wei Jun there. overall the camp wasnt very preachy and we learnt things through activities so i guess it's less dry for others. well those bunch of boys scooted off early in the morning on Tuesday and perhaps they just find the camp a bore. my tribe's called 'Fei Long'. initially i couldnt think of any names so i just copied from Survivor - China. they have no idea what they want for the tribe flag so i just drew a worm and created this bullshit story. oh well.

overall the activities were good and we did win some. food was alright for i'm a really picky eater. videos were inspirational but all of us were damn tired. free time was spent stoning and the walk at the park was good 'cause it was windy. people had weird dreams regarding me and i am just appalled to be reminded of those 2 dreams. /: prawning session was a new thing for me but unfortunately i didnt manage to prawn a single prawn at all. -.- guess it was a waste of money for my case but Timothy came and made my time spent there all worth it.

Timothy with his ever ready cheeky smile.

it will always rain at the end of the youth camp and thank God Gor Mark gave the Seng Kang people a lift. went over to Ash's place and chill out for a moment before going home to rot and wait for Cindy to be done.

i guess the camp's good but the number of hours of sleep i clock was really horrible. not going to be enough at all. learnt some new stuff and had some new revelation and hopefully it'll be useful. on a -.- note, i gained a 'husband'. wow. how crap.

FRIDAY.
the most HORRIBLE day of the entire week. it's my cousin's wedding and we have to wake up early in the morning to go over and watch the entire ceremony. poor Charlie for he had to sing this really cheena song from the poolside for the bride to hear. the good thing was that my nephew brought me much entertainment. his speeches were all unclear and listening to him was a chore but laughing at him wasnt. he's really a charming little boy and i adore him.

handsome little face.

his funny pose with his weird hand.

the little monster.

it was really a boring thing and i hate weddings. it just sucks the essence of my life by the minute. playing the gameboy makes me better and metal slug sure made me feel revitalised. the make-up artist came and started to draw on my Aunts' faces and i just sat there to rot. the hair that she had done for me was $%@^@$%@#$!^ 'cause it was really messy and i'm going to have a helluva hard time to wash it. dinner starts at 730pm but we were there standing at 6plus. went in and rotted till about 9pm before the damn dinner started. i swear the next wedding that i'm going to attend better be punctual. i promised Chin Nie that i'll be there for her wedding so I MUST MAKE GOOD MY PROMISE.

one of their wedding photo was taken at their alma mater - Singapore Poly. it's just weird that it's taken there. they were registered for 9 years before they held the ceremony with the dinner etc. i really think it's really a good thing that they have been together for so long. even though i dont really believe in commitments in a relationship, theirs is just another example of long lasting ones. it's not going to change my mind 'cause it's hard to maintain one these days. oh oh oh. Brandon and Kenneth's stepmom is prettier and younger and thinner than their mother. really. my cousin's really lucky to marry a pretty wife even though he's much fatter now. even though he used to make me cry and tease me when i was little, i must say that revenge never occured to me for i adore his sons.

BRANDON. when he just woke up.

dinner sucks and throughout the entire dinner i was picking on the emcees horrible Chinese and English along with my cousin from m'sia. never really knew her till yesterday. how sad huh. dinner ended really late but i'm thankful that my dad fetched me to Pasir Ris for Jia's chalet. YES IN A DRESS AND MAKE UP AND HAIR AND ALL. -.- the hair gave me a lot of problem but it all straightened out after i bathe. was really hungry 'cause i didnt eat much of the food during dinner 'cause i'm picky. yes whatever.

SATURYDAY.
taught Cheng Long how to play bridge and i swear i want to just strangle him. he doesnt get it so i just screamed and knocked my head on the wall. he sent me hyperventilating down there and i almost died. cant blame the 'wife' for murdering the 'husband' when he doesnt know how the game after much explanation. i'm sure Soh wants to kill him too. hang around and talked and watched X-men three. decided to sleep 'cause i'm really tired and woke up all of a sudden thanks to migraine. woke up in the morning and we were all like lying around and we dont even know who's sleeping beside you. utterly grateful to Cheng En for lending me his really big jacket so that i can curl up like a prawn and he even gave me a blanket. thanks thanks. he wont see this anyway. the real challenge of the day comes from Glenn Chia. he's like a real sleepy head and wont even wake up to fire or anything else. pfft. macs breakfast and went off to take a bus with Cheng En. the brothers are really weird for they can just go home together but i appreciate Cheng En's company even though i dont need it.

rotted at home and tv-ed the entire day. rot rot rot rot rot. grrr.

someone kissed at the glass door when i was working at MOE. really gross eh.

weird office structure with the air-con on the floor. -.-

spot the mistake. fancy it coming from *** tsk

Christmas is coming but i dont feel the joy. it spells school reopening as well and i'm not prepared for next year. sigh. will not be free till after Christmas so i wont be blogging till then. cant wait to see the rest of my classmates for the 4unity gathering.

i've been sleeping elsewhere instead of home this week. going to be so again tomorrow? Mel's house!

i'm tired, bored, and feeling utterly sleepy. HOWEVER, migraine's here to stay. ):<

2007-12-14T16:32:00.000+08:00

one hour more and i'll be officially bidding good bye to the building that i've worked in for 18 days. before i even started working, i already calculated the days that i'm going to work here for and how am i going to quit. fantastic eh?

took 74 yesterday and the bus journey made my butt so numb. was sleeping initially but Cindy called me. lots of things happened and i just talked to her and we talked till we were both home. oh well. just hope she'll feel better about it and just occupy her time with something else.

it's seriously screwed up i swear. tsk.

my night was busy. Elaine called me like hours later to ask me how's things and i was like 'wow so many hours later'. talked to her for quite some time then i talked to Cindy again. it was one plus and my head was aching like mad so i've decided to go lie down. when i was about to shut my eyes Duck called. talked to her about her stuff and all those crap then my dad came in to scold me at 3plus. slept at 3plus and woke up at 7am. nearly couldnt make it. man i'm damn tired right now. so many things and my head is getting heavier and heavier and eventually one day i'll just die. really.

it was hurting from left to right and now left again. i'm feeling so ... i dont know. feel like shitting. waiting for cases to come in is a chore. i'm going to miss sitting in front of my laptop and rot while watching videos and doing whatever i want. obviously i'm going to miss my lunch mates for they're really nice people. not forgetting some of the staff here, esp Mdm Choy. my motivation is going to be gone so shall just listen to the thunderous voice.

walking around aimlessly waiting for fax is such a stupid thing to do. eye lids are shutting and i think i'll just fall asleep later if i go for Mannalife at Pastor's house. it's going to be so weird but oh well.

now it's down to the point of not minding being alone anymore. i love to be alone right now. dont really give a fuck about anything else and just lead this mundane boring routined life. this is LIFE that i see myself leading in years to come. sad, but realistic. nothing can be more companionable than solitude. hmmm.

my head's dying. ):< help.

2007-12-13T17:28:00.000+08:00

half an hour more and i'll be on my way home. i feel so tired that i was thinking of taking 74 home. even though the journey might take more than an hour to reach Hougang, the sleep that is awaiting me is enticing enough. stomach was feeling really queasy since afternoon's lunch. walked all the way to Holland V and we couldnt find Subway. after asking around, we found Subway and i had Cold Cut again. came back and i diarrhoea-ed everything out. -.- what a complete waste of money. recently my stomach hasnt been feeling good. must be the food that i'm eating. the other day when i had the XO Fish Soup, i diarrhoea-ed everything out as well. it's a freaking $7 okay! oh well. my stomach's always going against me. ):<

did a lot of work today but i watched videos as well. multi-tasking has been going on well. i just feel like running to the toilet once again. told Jia Qi that i feel like taking a picture of him and stick it on my wall to motivate me to study harder. i already mentioned that i wish i was him but that's not going to be possible, yo. sigh. sad truth.

the weather's fine today so my mood wasnt that blue like the previous days. was just wondering what i can do after work tomorrow. they are really nice for they want to give me a farewell. i'm going to miss having lunch with them for sure. mixing with a bunch of people who are older than you gives you an idea how's it's going to be like when i'm their age. anyway they are just one year older so not much of a difference.

stomach's really uncomfortable. diarrhoea, please scoot off. ):<

2007-12-12T16:09:00.000+08:00

recently, i've found someone whom i really really idolise/look up to/admire. it's in a healthy practical way of course. even though the aura he emits is one that makes everyone stand in fear of him, perhaps there might be something else that we have yet to see?

the first time i hear his thunderous voice, i was in fear. seriously. who the hell talks so loudly that the entire office can hear? the words that he used tells me that he's one helluva smart guy but the way he talks doesnt seem to be talking. more of chiding, perhaps. cutting people off during mid sentence seems totally rude but he doesnt give a damn. i was curious as to who that person might be so i stood up to take a look. was warned to sit down and just do my work. after asking, i am like 'WOW'. apparently, that guy's only 31 years of age AND he's a bloody scholar AND he's the AD. triple WOW. so young, so smart and so capable. it's definitely obvious to spot that he's a scholar from the way he talks and chides people. everyone seems to become smaller at his very presence.

the sad thing to say is that even though he has such an incredibly high IQ, his EQ must be pretty low for someone his calibre for his HR skills arent that fantastic. shouting at people and cutting people off doesnt make him friendly at all. walking past him is already a scary thing to do, let alone looking at him in the face. this person of such intelligence seems to make him appear as a loner. sad, but he's successful and capable! one fine morning when i was past his desk, i heard him say ' what the hell ...' i'm like O.O stunned alright. is this the type of language people working at *** uses? i dont know.

yes, even though he's scary, he looks like a smart guy and proved to be one. everyone lives in fear because of his presence. his speed of doing things is too fast for people to handle that's why they always get the axe from him. i never thought he was capable of saying anything nice, let alone smile. the other time when i held the door for him, he said thanks and gave a hard-to-see type of smile. okay at least that proved that he has a friendly side. for a scholar, having a social life and saying nice things and smiling seems like something rare that they dont do.

HOWEVER, yesterday when we went out for lunch, we saw him waiting downstairs for someone and he actually smiled really wide at the woman. we were like 'WOW HE ACTUALLY SMILES'. see my point? when he said thanks to me i am already happy that he's not such a bore and meanie but imagine if he smiles at everyone in office, he'll definitely be nicer and easier and more desirable to work with i bet.

i look up to him as a role model. smart, young, capable. that's what i want to be. however, i am NOT a scholar and will never be one. i want to be somebody when i grow up and choose my career path. looking at him everyday somewhat reminds me of what my aspirations are. i am not going gaga over him like Jia Qi does but if you're someone who's that capable, i'm sure anyone would find you charming.

sadly, my aspirations of being someone like him seems impossible. hello, i'm not an over achiever or anything. all i can do is just look at him and DREAM of becoming like him one day, sitting at his position. like i already said, DREAM of becoming someone like that.

this is life. life is practical and cruel. if you're like him, you'll be sitting at his place, shouting at everyone else working under you even when they're much older. if you're like him, you have no fear about studying overseas for scholarship fulfills that for you. if you're like him, you would be satisfied with the salary you're getting and you're able to do many things. if you're like him, YR JOB IS SECURED. if you're like him, it doesnt matter whether you're deemed as mean or not as long as you're one rank above anyone else and that you know you're good. if you're like him, you wouldnt be seen as a dumb person who cant speak well at all. if you're like him, you dont have to worry about life because you're smart and you can go any schools you want to.

there's too many if you're him. sadly, i am NOT. i wish to be someone like him but sorry, not possible.

HAPPY DREAMING SIMXUELIN CAUSE YOU'RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT THERE. -.-

2007-12-12T15:45:00.000+08:00

BAAAHHH.

dinner came late yesterday night and i was starving like mad. mom came back with this horrible tasting carrot cake that induces vomit. the next thing that makes me want to vomit further is the outfit she tried on. i dont understand why does she like the shimmering shiny thing. maybe it's an auntie thing? she tried on 3 sets and i told her that the black one's best. i am definitely NOT bias towards black but it DOES make her look better. however after much decision, she prefered the lighter colored one and decided to wear that to my cousin's wedding dinner. in order to look good, my cousin lent me her dress and i guess i'm pretty okay with the third one. afterall, it's only going to be a day.

could barely open my eyes this morning and my eyes looked damn puffy. another bad thing is that it's raining outside so that means i have to carry an umbrella. my morning was blue and i was just being plain moody. task that was assigned to me are just some filing and it bores me even more. this adds on to the moody feeling that is already inside of me. lunch time seems so far away and all i can do is to file. spent the entire emo morning doing something so mundane really irks me.

went for early lunch and it's the first time all of us have nothing to do. we've decided to take our time, chatting at the sofa. after that it's just typing letters for Mr V. Mdm Choy went for her bowling and i finally broke the news to her. the reaction that i received was shocking indeed. all she said was 'okay' and asked me when. i thought she's going to strangle me or anything but apparently she's cool and aloof about it. perhaps i'm just another insignificant temp staff working here that she dont really bother whether i'm here or not. the guilt inside of me just disappeared and my mood's better already. congratulations to Yan Ling for scoring 2 high distinctions and 2 distinctions.

here i am, rotting. watching videos online and pretending to do work is really hard. now the files are all stacking up in front of me so i can no longer peep through the gap and see who's coming. hence, my hearing must be damn good and keep myself in tune with the people moving around. umbrellas are all around me and i feel even more isolated. my back hurts like crazy and all of a sudden i am reminded of what an old bag of bones i am. the throbbing head doesnt seem to make my blue day better. however, the thought that i would be free after Friday attracts me very much. i will definitely miss having lunch with the temps here. they're all like elder brothers and sisters to me and i enjoyed their company. sitting at this isolated corner may seem lonely but i dont mind embracing solitude. afterall, there's nothing more companionable than solitude itself.

i used to laugh at Elaine for she collects dust. now, i'm just collecting dust too. the environment i work in is too dusty to be true.

how i wish i can be like Yan Ling, studying overseas and be exposed to all kinds of new things and gain better knowledge. sad to say, money is the key to all these possibilities. /:

i want to go home.

2007-12-11T08:56:00.000+08:00

i woke up a little later than 7am but still managed to get here on time. phew.

work was utterly boring yesterday and there was hardly anything that i can do. other than stoning around and spending my last hour watching videos, basically i just stoned my hours away. went down to Kovan to meet Angie for dinner and the rain's just super scary. it wasnt raining when i left BV so i guess the weather's feeling cranky, like me.

havent been to Heartland Mall for ages and there wasnt anything new. walked around while waiting for her and when she came, it seems like there wasnt much change in her as well. had the Jap Curry Chicken for dinner and it was good. chatted and after sitting around for a while we went for a walk around the mall. what's there to do at the mall anyway?! it's damn boring and it's pathetically small. the ONLY thing that's good about a small mall is that you wont meet people you know. well apparently, my theory failed me as i saw someone that's the MOST unexpected. as i was walking out i saw this short guy with horrible disgusting dyed hair waving at me. on a closer look, i got a shock of my life. it's Bryan Eng, the person that i would least expect myself to see. well FYI, i wasnt roaming around aimlessly like some lost soul. walking around IS GOOD for health.

as there's simply NOTHING to do at Heartland, we've decided to walk out and walk back in and walk out and walk down and walk walk walk. in the end we just head home after some time. watched tv and stoned. was reading to the point that i almost died reading so i went to read the Daily Bread before i sleep. tossed and turned till 2plus and slept.

the train today was especially packed and trying hard NOT to fall asleep is hard. if i'm damn sleepy and tired after work, i might just take 74 all the way to Hougang, which will take more than an hour. HO-HO. good sleep.

still wondering how am i going to break the news to her. sigh. this so sucks. /:

I HAVE YET TO STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!! so dead. ):<

2007-12-10T09:51:00.000+08:00

yesterday when i reached home, Monster asked me if i blogged about my dislike for my cousins in Malaysia. i was curious as to why he asked me that so he told me they saw me blogging about it when they came some time ago. i was like 'wow, fantastic memory. you mean they can read English?!' apparently someone KNOWS how to and said i blogged about my dislike for them. so i told Monster that they should have evidence and go dig for my archives if they're capable of flipping through 1000 over posts. well, it seems that they just saw it by chance and remembered it since then and told my sister about it. mom was dissatisfied with this behavior of mine and said that Monster and i are the same regarding this issue. well, since she didnt ask me in my face i'll just pretend that no such things happened.

my conclusion is: do i give a damn?!

my displeasure towards my cousins over there goes all the way back when i was young. they like to be clique-ish and attach themselves to some cousin and say that 'hey you're my favourite cousin okay. dont go and tell bla bla bla about it'. this hypocritical act has been going around for years when my younger cousin told me this and the next moment she said it to another. so back then i dont really like the idea of them treating me like an idiot and i'm no fool for you to play around, ESPECIALLY when i am OLDER and i ought to be wiser.

manners are VERY important and it's something that you OUGHT to observe when you visit someone's house, be it your relatives OR not. whenever i go to their house i remember very clearly that i did NOT mess around their house and do things when i get permission. however, that does not seem to be the case when they come over to MY house to visit. pardon me for being so critical but cant you just keep your hands to yourselves? itchy fingers ought to be chopped off.

i know it's difficult to go face them when mom goes back to visit but hello do i look like i give a damn if i ever go back or not? i hate Chinese New Year and smiling at those people will make me an even bigger hypocrite. please dont make me go through that torture so DONT make me go back to visit during Chinese New Year. i DONT hate them, just slight displeasure. i bet they dont like me and want to slap my face too. if they remember me blogging about it months ago, it means that they're damn narrow minded. pfft.

the ONLY reason why i go back is because of the red packet money. other than that i havent been back there for years. i hate it there 'cause there's NO technology and NO life. Singapore is definitely better. i'd rather rot myself away. really.

enough of that cousin crap. -.-

Friday was spent being pissed off. slept at the usual crap hour and woke up at 3plus on Saturday. apparently people like to tell me things only at the very day itself so i already made plans to meet Cindy on Friday night. i prefer people to confirm things with me earlier rather than the day itself. it'll make me feel like i'm not on schedule. rained and rotted so i head down to Cindy's house for bubble tea and bridge. dinner was this huge gigantic prawn that looks delicious but when you cut it, it's super gross that Cindy and i only had one each. her mom loves the big prawns and enjoy eating the eggs. i was quite grossed out by it but there are people who love to suck the eggs out from the head. /: went down for ice cream after dinner and sat at the playground to rot.

went home. tv-ed till 3am and tossed and turn till my head hurts badly. supposed to meet Nat on Sunday afternoon but she was pushing me back hour by hour till 5pm and my mood was totally spoilt. the rain and the headache plus the long waiting time is killing me. now i just cant stand waiting so i just told her i dont want to meet her anymore. played monopoly with my nephew Kenneth and he gave me his Spongebob monopoly! no one plays monopoly with him at home anyway. Brandon's still too young for that. they're both lucky kids. afraid that the Subway Hero meal's gonna be gone so dated Cindy down to AMK Hub for it. walked around and bought my new Adidas watch. glad that i bought a new watch but sad that $124 just flew off like that. however, there wasnt a tinge of regret for i'm NOT an impulsive buyer.

went home and watched tv and mom came home from Aunt's house, bringing me 2 dresses for the wedding dinner that was loaned to me by my cousin. it's HER wedding so she'll probably want me to look good. i do have intentions of getting a dress for it but seems like i dont have to anymore. anyway her dresses are .. nevermind. the only thing i like about what she lent to us was her starfish bracelet. rotted and read Daily Bread and just tossed and turn till 3am.

woke up late and came late for work. nothing to do for the day so here i am blogging. i'm meeting Angie for dinner later at Heartland and it's the nice Jap Curry Chicken. i'm sleepy and do not know how to break the news to Mdm Choy regarding the quitting of my job. sigh. have every single intention of quitting earlier so that i can rest for another day but one day's pay is telling me NOT to go against money. oh well.

i'm truly BUSY. like what Cheng En's email said, Bound Under Satan's Yoke. sigh. all this misery for the sake of money. -.- however, the material therapy that money can give will make me feel better.

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY. sigh.

2007-12-07T20:52:00.000+08:00

today's a hellish day for me. i've been working non-stop from morning till afternoon 4. it's really insane to check so many things, envelopes, fold so many letters. i am sick of letters already. office bitching happened in the toilet and i'm not surprised at all. this kind of thing takes common sense to actually see that it's a repetition from last year's. apparently some dont take their work seriously and just simply brush it off as 'how would i know?' such irresponsible behavior is intolerable but i am NOT the boss. working with these people just makes me wonder WHY ARE THEY HERE. perhaps that's why our system is ineffective thanks to them.

i am glad that i'm going off from work at 530pm and CL told me to meet them (i dont know who else) at 7pm for they will be playing badminton till 6pm. so i said alright i will meet them at 7pm, hoping that they will make the effort to be punctual. i went off punctually at 530pm for i have nothing much to do and decided to go tiong bahru to check it out. turns out that it's still the same many years ago and it's so small that there's simply nothing to shop. hence, i walked rounds and rounds in HEELS mind you. my legs are already sore and aching but i cant possibly sit in the middle of NO where. stoned at the mrt station for 15 minutes before i've decided to depart from that place and travel one stop back to Redhill. at that fateful moment, CL called me. i was wondering 'it could be either that he's going to be late or he's already there'. turns out that he said he'll be a LITTLE late. i was thinking to myself that it's alright since it's ONLY going to be for a while but the last sentence just pissed me off. 'BECAUSE I'M STILL AT HOUGANG'.

!@#%@$^@$%!#^@@#&@#$%@$$%@#$!#!& after i heard that i just sat there and immediately hung up. i thought to myself 'from freaking Hougang to Redhill takes at least 40min. since it's already near 7pm they'll probably reach around 730pm or so'. i sat there like an idiot, waiting. after LOTS of trains went off, i've decided that I'M GOING HOME. feeling pissed and fucking hell hungry, i'm not in the right mind to do anything. it's Friday and i'm like some pathetic worm sittng down there waiting FOR TIME TO PASS? does it even make sense to you?!

i admit i am being a little petty for NOT wanting to wait but you should have told me EARLIER so that i wont have to wait there like some idiot for such a LONG time! plus you said A LITTLE when 40minutes ISNT little. it's equivalent to ME travelling BACK HOME. i mean it sounds really really unbelievable that you said a little. WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO KID?!

i'm in a fucking bad mood today thanks to the stressful day at work and all those shit this week. it's all accumulated till Friday and they chose Friday to come piss me off. if it's Monday, i would have waited. BUT SORRY NOT THIS TIME.

saying sorry doesnt mean anything at all. seriously it doesnt. so what purpose and what good does it serve? perhaps the meaning of sorry is lost because it's said too often. TSK. okay i am being narrow-minded and narrow hearted so just treat it that i'm some petty old bag of bones that likes to complain.

that day, the rest asked me what's life. i said life's all about waiting - waiting to die. it's definitely true and after i said it i have to wait. i dont dare to say that i'm 100% punctual but most of the time i am unless i'm taking the freaking bus. i'm already waiting to die so why must i waste more time waiting for people when it's totally uncalled for? waiting for woman pissed me off really badly and i dont wanna wait for more people to come and piss me off. this is totally not what life is to me. please forgive me when i'm already waiting to die and you are expecting me to wait for you? the next time if people were to wait for me for more than half an hour i would expect them to leave without me. it's courtesy. forget it.

a hungry man is an angry man. i left for home after rotting for a long while. when i'm at outram, they're there already. sorry, i'm so not in the mood. i just went off and bought my favourite mos burger to treat myself. it makes me feel better but i'm still grumbling about it yeah.

i know i am mean and petty. that's just who i am. if you're not satisfied then dont be my friend. I'M FINE with it since people always misunderstand me and all. doesnt make a difference if i have 2 more people hating me. i dont think CL will be that mean to hate me but probably think i'm a spoilt brat. yeah so what if i am? whatever.

i'm an angsty ass. happy?

2007-12-06T11:00:00.000+08:00

i miss xuan all of a sudden. maybe because i was blog hopping and hopped over to her blog that's already closed down. maybe because i owe her money and i dont like to owe people money. whatever the reason may be, i just miss her. sounds gay but whatever. ha.

seems like all those people that i texted dint want to reply me. therefore, i shall be uncontactable as well. it seems to be a trend or maybe a virus. first it was Elaine who used to NOT pick up her phone calls. now it's people who dont wanna reply or dont bother to or forgot to. what's the phone for then? i shall treat my phone as a non-existing object or rather a redundant piece of metal. -.-

Mdm Choy said that she's gonna give a treat - KFC! she said i'm a productive person. her boss praised me too, saying that i'm hardworking and productive. regarding the productive part, i do agree. as for the hardworking, i beg to differ. i take my time to slack and even go surf the net. well maybe it's because i'm productive that's why i get things done fast. i type fast too which is a plus point. hence, blogging within a few min is totally within my means.

today's already Thursday and i cant wait for Saturday to come. it's the ONLY day where i can sleep till 3pm and watch tv the entire day. i am ALWAYS ps-ed on that particular day and I'M SICK OF IT. hence, i'm undateable on Saturdays. PERIOD. unless it's at night then it shall be another story.

i was stoning and staring into space. going online seems to defeat the purpose of trying to kill some boredom AND time. i'm just invisible. -.- i'm tired and very sleepy. i even woke up late today. how dumb can that be right? i stoned my entire night away already. -.-

Milo's making my stomach uneasy. /:

2007-12-05T21:03:00.000+08:00

found my blog too disgusting to be true. honestly i must have changed it on impulse the other time. it's GREEN you see. that explains the foolish decision. BUT, after all, plain IS nice. those fancy blogskins aint really my cup of tea. went Getty Images today and found some really pretty pictures. therefore the new blogskin AND the picture up there. i always felt that it's good to have a hand to hold on to, be in it times of need or just any other ordinary day. perhaps the feeling is best represented through the baby clutching the mother's hand. i dont know but these few days i'm quite into hands. sounds utterly stupid, yes. i felt that this picture really draws me to it so here it is!

once i get bored of hands, i'll get another theme. i already had the next one in mind. clouds it shall be then. clouds are pretty in white and BLACK. yeah i'm a black person. one look and you'll know. the reason why i dont bother to think of what to wear to work is due to the fact that NO ONE knows you all the way at Buona Vista. it's just like the same logic when i work at Simei. throwing your face away just dont seem to bother you at all. if it's at somewhere near, i'll think twice about what i'm gonna wear. not BV, definitely.

i'm really tired. really really fucking tired. not only physically, but mentally as well. it seems to get busier and busier and the stress just gets higher. i'm stressed out cos my officer is stressed by the other confused old souls. whatever, i'm just paid to do my job. there's this name i came across just now that sounds really interesting. ask me and i'll tell you what it is. it isnt nice to publicly broadcast this person's name. afterall i wouldnt like anyone to laugh at the name 'simxuelin' either.

pussycatdolls at 10. hmmm.

2007-12-05T08:28:00.001+08:00

it seems lik i'm blue everyday. the lack of sleep and the lack of quality time spent w my bed is killing me.

now i know the reason why my eyes are RED. the specs dint make it better but worse. my left eye turned red ytd too. -.- it's due to the dust surrounding me. i'm sitting at this isolated corner where the 'lagguages' are placed and it's super dusty. once ppl move those envelopes behind me, dust will start flying everywhere. i am super sensitive to this kinda thing. perhaps my nose is gna die once agn thanks to all these.

OT for an hr ytd and i was alr on the verge of collapsing. the idea of sleep walking just dawn unto me but that seems impossible. before i left i heard a very interesting conversation b/w these 2 men. one is of a higher authority than the other and obviously their volume is very loud. it sounds so scary but oh well that's reality of working life. if i hav this kind of boss i'm doomed man. coming to work every single day is alr a chore. imagine getting scolded at the end of the day when you're abt to go home. spoiler.

the funeral somewhere near my hse has been going on for weeks? i dont know. everytime i walk past it i wld be reminded of kim poh. i am sad over her departure but i'm even more depress abt the fact that her descendents are lik merry making. maybe i was wrong but i just dont see any signs of regret or pain in them. human's eyes are the windows to their souls but apparently their eyes revealed nothing to me. perhaps i'm just being sensitive and irritating. i dont know. i started imagining my life lik that. if my grandchildren (if i ever hav any) are not even sad abt my departure, perhaps i've failed as a grandma and all. humans hav feelings. even I am sad abt it. it wld be so pathetic to hav no one weeping over yr death. if i were to grow old myself, w/o marrying and all, i guess it's even worse. i shd just enrol myself into a high class Old Folks Home and just die there. at least i know that if i die, those fellow old folks will care for old folks are nostalgic ppl. they reminisce and treasure unlike us. oh well.

she just died lik that, lik Gabriel. this year is definitely not a very happy and good year for all. first it's Gabriel, then the RI boy, then the Dragon Boaters, then my kim poh. life is unpredictable. it's only when someone dies then you'll say all those crap lik 'oh so treasure those ppl who are alive. you may nvr know when they'll be gone'. i heard this a thousand times alr but i dont think ppl really care. for kim poh, she's alr 75 so i guess it's natural that old ppl die. what abt those who are way younger lik Gabriel etc? i once felt that it's all so unfair at that pt of time but i guess it's all God's will. therefore i told God that i dont wna just die lik that w/o knowing that i wld. it's scary. every night before i sleep i am afraid i might just die and nvr ever wake up agn. if i were to die now, i wld be full of regrets for i've not lived a proper life, not only as a Christian, but also as a normal human being. i've yet to find the purpose in my life and i dont wna giv up just lik that. i dont ever regret the decisions i've made in my 17 years of life and even tho the decision might suck, i stuck to it and carried on. i dont wna hav any regrets ever in the years to come.

fancy talking abt all these early in the morning when everyone is waking up to a brand new day. to me it's just another day of mundane crap and utter boredom and it's yet another day of torture. when will i ever see life as something optimistic rather than bleak? -.-

i'm hungry. this time round i'm not angry. i'm moody. ):<

this just reminds me of how childish i acted on Sun. bet lao yi had a bad impression of me alr. ytd my aunt just called me to ask if i'm going for my cousin's wedding. YES I AM. i alr gav my word in Feb when she saved me from the hell hole in m'sia. now i HATE Chinese New Year. even this year's jiemeis' bainian was just rotting at Elaine's cave. -.- i just HATE all the festivals and seasons. the only thing i lik is that i get to hav holidays. practical eh?

Christmas's coming! i lik Christmas. it's not just the day of giving and joy and bla bla bla but it's a day when we rmb that Christ was born. i am always told that 'Jesus died on the Cross so that you may be saved so you're definitely worth it!' yeah I KNOW. what makes you think my lvl of understanding is THAT low? however, smtimes i guess we DO need to be reminded of even the most basic thing for everything.

sigh. so blue. ):< so hungry.

2007-12-04T08:31:00.001+08:00

today's definitely the most unglam day of my working days. okay since when am i ever glam right? well today the ugliest thing wld be the specs. thanks to the red eye that i hav attached to my face, i hav to wear specs today to let it rest and absorb more oxygen. HEY EYE, BREATHE!

well since there's no one i know that i will come in contact w, wearing the specs aint that bad. who wld wna look at this short pathetic shit right? yeah. however, my theory's WRONG. the min i stepped into the MOE building i saw Gor Mark. okay that wasnt too bad. i've even cried buckets in front of him before until my face's as red as a babboon so i guess wearing the specs wldnt be too bad as compared to that. hmmm.

i still insist that talking to Goh Cheng En irritates me. perhaps it's the way he put things or it's the way he types. in msn, you'll nvr know what the other party meant. to me, it's always that simple. i'm out to shoot. well maybe it's just me you see. he's just another innocent party for whatever he says, i'll just deem it that he meant it the other. how evil of me but too bad then. i guess i wont be very interested in talking to any of the Gohs for the time being and in time to come. i dont know, i think i got sick of trying to get my pt across. -.- no matter how nice they are, there are times when i totally cant stand their optimism. the lvl is too high for me to reach OR break. shall just leav it lik that.

approximately 2 wks to go. the guilt is increasing by the day and i hav no idea how i'm gna break the news to Mdm Choy. she'll probably strangle me and force me to stay or she'll just let me go. i dont know. i'm sick of travelling so far to work. i'm glad that i hav a direct bus home from Yishun that takes less than half an hour. imagine, the ride to buona vista is abt 1 hr (round up). if i were to live overseas, i bet the distance will not only kill me but tear me apart. therefore i shall NOT complain too often. not that i WONT cos i WILL.

planning the bbq for 4UNITY has started. settled the dates and place to hav it and sent emails to them all. yes i admit that i'm super naggy but i lik to plan ahead so that i can stick to my schedule. i dont lik things to NOT go my way. i get really irritated and pissed so i hope those ppl can read English and TELL me BY FRIDAY.

another blue day. still pissed w the incident but what can i say man? it's not my family so i cant say too much. my grandma's 74 and my grandpa's 77. i just hope that they'll continue to live long and healthy. esp for my grandpa cos he smokes WAY TOO MUCH alr. shall pray for their health.

migraine killed me ytd night. it was so painful that i hav to rest my head on my soft pillow. still cldnt slp so i stared into space. after staring for lik an hr i went to slp. how dumb right. sigh. migraine kills me every night. ytd's was worst i swear. now i'm all grouchy and moody and bored. just feel lik sleeping at home w no disturbance but that seems totally impossible.

shall go laugh at the word 'lagguages' in front of me. -.-

2007-12-03T14:06:00.000+08:00

MONDAY BLUES.

baaahhh. i'm feeling really bored and blue. did my stuff quickly in the morning so now i'm just gna take things slowly. feeling the guilt increasing inside of me. if i quit on the 14th Dec, the busy period will come at the end of the year. sigh. i really need to quit. i can feel the drain in me everyday i wake up. the distance is long enough to kill me and the amt of hrs i clock a day is insane. head hurts really bad last night so i forced myself to slp earlier. it just hurts everynight so i guess it's all the same.

emo emo emo emo emo. fuck.

eyes are red and they lack oxygen. got chided bcos of this so i shall wear specs tmr to rest it. JiaQi's going for prom tmr! hope she'll hav lots of fun. i'm just glad that ML's friend's willing to wait for me to quit. hope he can take over me. if not, i'll nvr be able to get rid of the guilt.

time to work. being online is such an insignificant shit.

2007-12-03T08:29:00.000+08:00

rest in peace my dear kim poh.

received the news that she passed away on Thurs, when my dad went back to m'sia to attend her wake. i wasnt too surprised but still wanted to know why. she suffered from stroke i dont know how many years ago and since then she hasnt been in good health. i rmbd that she just celebrated her birthday abt 2 mths ago? how sad it is. so i asked mom how did she die and she told me it's due to some lung infection in the middle of the night. she called for her maid but apparently she was sleeping. my kim poh just went back to slp and nvr woke up agn.

i can imagine how vulnerable she must hav felt. trying to breathe for one last time is so hard. was really sorry and sad to hear that but at least she lived till 75years old, having to see her children all grown up w kids and a successful career. think she wont hav much regrets.

dad asked where i was going on Sunday so i asked him why. he said he wna bring us to pay our respects to her. i said alright since it's the LAST time i'm ever gna see her family and all. i bet my dad's really heartbroken cos my kim poh doted on him A LOT. i rmb when i was young, we wld definitely visit her during chinese new year or whenever we go back to visit grandma. i lik to play at her hse w her adopted granddaughter. last time her daughters-in-law werent ard and the grandsons werent ard either. having lots of fun w that girl was what i looked forward to but as i grow older i wasnt close to her anymore. i was thinking that she'll be the most heartbroken grandchild cos she was really close to my kim poh.

their family's weird and totally screwed up i guess. her eldest son's wife cldnt giv birth so he married another woman and then the elder wife went to adopt that girl. yeah. so crap but anyway the sons of the younger wife are just -.-

i went there ytd. stepped into kim poh's hse and felt that IT'S LIK CHINESE NEW YEAR. wow. fantastic. -.- everyone was fooling ard, laughing and joking. not entirely solemn lik i imagined. the only quiet one was the granddaughter. the rest were just laughing and joking ard lik it's some parade or chinese new year. this sight reminds me very much of my greatgrandma's funeral when i was in P6. THEY WERE THE FUCKING CHILDISH KIDS WHO PLAYED AT MY GREATGRANDMA'S COFFIN. oh so now that they're older. they dont play at the coffin anymore but chose to treat this solemn affair lik chinese new year?

i dont know. really. maybe they were crying and grieving at her funeral and perhaps now in their hearts but doesnt it MAKE sense to just sit still and not play and fool ard? afterall yr grandma just died lik 2 days ago?! i dislike their company very much. i rmb last year's new year when they came over to my grandma's kampong crap old hse, the maid WORE her shoes in. WE WERE FUCKING PISSED because NONE of us wore shoes inside the hse. it's HSE rules. even tho the hse may be old but IT'S CLEAN, WE DO MOP THE DAMN FLOOR. my cousins and i were so pissed that we told the maid that NO SHOES ARE ALLOWED IN THE HSE. i dont really giv a fuck if we piss the family off but i think it's the SAME maid that was SLEEPING when she was crying out for help?! TSK.

i cant stand that family. PERIOD. thank God we're distant relatives. i dont hav anymore links w them anymore. kim poh was the ONLY one. after her death, i probably wldnt wna go visit her side of the family again for chinese new year. i cant stand the way they talk and all, thinking they are so great. so what if you're rich and the guy's gna go aussie to study? c'mon, brush up yr horrible english (?) before you go over. if i dont even undrstd a single shit you were saying, forget the angmohs man.

i was fucking hungry ytd and i kept nudging my mom when she was talking to my lao yi. my lao yi's family's the nicest family in the world. she's my kim poh's sister so yeah she's definitely gna be nice. i'll nvr forget how indebted we are to my lao yi's husband for helping my grandma so many times when she had countless miscarriages. i know i'm fucking stupid and childish to keep doing that and staring angrily at the tv but a hungry man is an angry man. i'm sorry if i failed to hide it well but i just cant. i dont talk and get pissed and irritated when hungry. too bad my parents dont know that. they took HOURS to prepare lunch and my lao yi was damn nice to me even tho i acted lik some childish bitch. she held my hand and brought me to lunch table. i rejected whatever my dad offered me to spite him and YES i am damn childish i know. ate in a hurry cos i wna get out of this hell hole. finished lunch and waited for mom to finish hers when she normally dont eat that much amt of rice.

went off and i felt so relieved. went shopping ard and dad bought the most stuff. cant stand those cheena bengs over there really. horrible dress sense and they think they're damn cool and all. the clothes they hav over at those small malls are totally EWWWW. the shoes too. thank God there's still some authentic nice shops over there if not i'll probably die. went to this gift shop which Monster and i LOVE very much. it seems smaller or is it because we are now older? TOO BAD MONSTER DINT GET TO GO. going to pay respect to my kim poh earned me RM100. guess it's not that bad afterall. i get to earn back my cab money. i really hope my kim poh will rest in peace.

shopped and had dinner and went home. Monster was pissed cos he dint get to get anything. he was even more pissed when his noodles SUCKS big time. he started poking the noodles and acted lik a spoilt child. it does suck big time i swear. i was just wondering: if he can go hav jap food w his friends then why cant he just accept my offer of giving him some of my mee? weird.

watched 'hoodwinked' and '881'. well i dare say that 881 is nice and that's why the movie's screened for SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long and all. hmmm. kudos to that Roystan Tan.

oh. today morning i saw Melvin, that cute lil boy. i was just looking at him and sighed. he was so short and cute in sec one and i adored him very much. wanted so badly for him to come to band so that he can add some hope in girls' eyes when they look at band. too bad it wasnt allowed. now he's alr in sec 3 and tall and still good looking. NOT cute anymore but still good looking. he's in the EXCO so i encouraged him to go be the chairman. i can see Zheng Yi in him. weird but c'mon, how can he look lik Wei Quan, that honeydew. tsk.

i'm old alr. i rmb seeing Hao Guang grow too. sigh. too old for comfort.

2007-12-01T20:04:00.000+08:00

rotted my Sat away lik before. i guess Sat is a cursed day where ALL YR FRIENDS ARE NOT FREE. Duck and the rest are working so i can undrstd. it just doesnt make sense when you asked friends out ON MON and they only can cfm w you on Friday. i guess that's alright but in the end it's always left w two people. this wk it's just Mel and i.

ms TongHongLi and Cheryl has to go grandma hse. Kiahwee just told me she hav to go out when i alr asked her on Mon. oh wells. thot there's still Yuanlin to depend on and i alr told her on Mon. last min she told me she misses her boyfriend too much and she decided to PS me and mel. well i am in NO position to be angry right? afterall boyfriend's more impt than friends who hav alr dated her since MONDAY right? she haven seen her boyfriend for ages and i totally undrstd. WELL I HAVEN SEEN HER FOR AGES AS WELL. ah. fantastic.

i know it's hard to juggle b/w yr beau and friends that's why simxuelin nvr wna get one. i dont hav time for friends alr, what more for boyfriend. on Mon, she was still telling me okayokay and now it turns out to be a diff story. when she called me after she called him i alr knew the ans. i said bye and hung up bcos i see no pt in continuing the conversation.

i appreciate Cindy for dedicating Sunday to bridge day. however she's gna work alr so i wont be seeing her for a long long time.

as for the Christmas bbq thing, it's just gna be Mel and i planning. since i called and ask if ppl are interested to come for the discussion and none of them can make it, i guess it's back to sq one isnt it? since God knows how long ago it has always been ME planning everything. i appreciate Mel for offering her hse since we cldnt book a chalet this year. then now i hav to worry abt everything myself. Ms Chui can still tell me since she most probably wont be able to make it then she can go meet her boyfriend today. i was still thinking of putting the bbq on a day where she can make it but guess i dont hav to anymore.

i shall just stick to being a tissue paper friend alright. you come find me when you need me. that wld be a better option. OR why not MOE opn on Sat and Sun so that i can work for 7 days a week and i can just forget abt social life and meeting up w friends on Sat. PERFECT.

if i date ppl many days in advance, it's not gna work out. from now on, i'm ONLY gna call you lik the day befr. at least the disapptmnt wont be that great. who needs friends when you hav a sofa and a tv to watch? TSK.

2007-11-30T10:47:00.000+08:00

*JIEMEIS: PLEASE TELL ME WHEN YOU GUYS ARE FREEEEEEEEEEE. NO DATES, NO DATE FOR WARAKU AND SLEEPOVER. DONT WHINE TO ME LTR AND SAY DONT HAV. ESP ELAINE THAT LAZY POK. BETTER TELL ME!

I FINISHED TYPING A DOCUMENT AND THE LAPTOP DIED ALL OF A SUDDEN. /:

ytd was the ultimately moody day for me. i'm just simply too overwhelmed w grief and sadness over the money issue. yes, money can make me THAT depressed. if money isnt of importance to me, i wldnt be working at MOE right now. if i'm not working at MOE, i wont take the $25.60 cab. oh bother.

went home straight after work and my mood just dint get any better. Monster talked to me and i just ignored him. totally not in the mood to entertain any Tom Dick or Harry. mom called back and i got so irritated. was trying to become the sofa by merging w it when she called. feeling too decomposed and depressed, i just asked her not to call back and irritate me. she sounded pissed after that but i dont giv a shit alr. unless they're willing to sponsor me for the cab fare. THIS IS TOTALLY NOT POSSIBLE, YO.

they came home and told me i deserved it. i'm lik $!#%@%$^@$@&@$%!#$ Monster came and scorn me and i asked him straight "what's yr fucking problem?" in front of my parents. one good thing is that they dont undrstd English but maybe they do know the word 'FUCK'. he got so pissed that he started lashing out at me w that utterly vicious mouth of his. nothing nice ever came out from his mouth. when parents went to m'sia, he was lik calling them and saying that he's worried and all. since he's not a nice person, his actions were deemed as hypocritical to me.

just lik the other time, when rose texted me and apologised for lecturing me, i just felt that it's totally unnecessary. rose is a nice person so i wldnt think of him negatively but if i DONT KNOW him, that'll probably be hypocritical then. he began asking me some funny qns and i just dont see the pt of telling him the entire truth. just briefly brush it off so that he wont come bug me regarding the same issues agn. totally see no pt in telling him anything anw.

back to main stream. after he lashed out at me, i just shouted back cos i was really hopping mad (not literally). he WAS being sarcastic to me FIRST and so what's wrong w me retorting back when it's seriously childish to keep harping on the same topic. this reminds me very much of that lil girl mistaking me for my mom incident. he kept yakking and yakking abt it, thinking that it's oh-so-funny. it's damn stupid and fucking childish but he doesnt seem to realise that he's getting on MY nerves. yes, no matter how inferior he might think I AM to him, i do own nerves and i hav the RIGHT to display my anger as well. I'M just a normal human being, w emotions and blood to my flesh just lik him. even tho i may not hav his pertruding long jaw that's so disgusting and for which i thank God for, i am allowed to VOICE out my opinion. he doesnt seem to see this action of mine as acceptable to him. whatever, asshole. you're not MY FATHER or anyone of utter importance to me. if you're rich in the future, i might consider fawning on you. RIGHT NOW, you're NOT. so forget it!

so i shouted back and him and just simply shut my door and locked it. my parents started nagging at me and lecturing me for sleeping late. WHY CANT THEY JUST GET THE FACT THAT I CANT FUCKING HELL SLEEP AT NIGHT AND THAT I HAV MIGRAINE??? i complained that they dont giv a shit and they explained to me that they kept me in their buddhist way of prayer. i'd rather NOT hav their prayer but their mouths shut regarding this incident. i dont need them to care. i just need them to undrstd. DONT THEY GET IT?! miscommunication and misunderstanding. HOW FANTASTIC EH. ass.

xiaoxian called and her Christmas worm over here sounds dead. talked to her for a while and went to maria before parents came home. Monster started shouting at me befr they came back and it just seems so retarded. nvm.

i woke up EARLY today. lik on the dot, at 7am. mom came knocking at my door and it was locked. too bad. they're going off to m'sia AGN to fetch my sis. her absence makes me treasure my few days of solitude and silence. i wish i hav a room of my own. before she was born, Monster and i were hoping that she's a boy but when she was born i was disapptd. i'd rather hav a brother cos he's gna share the rm w Monster and suffer under him. oh well.

might hav OT today. Mdm Choy told me to do things slowly so that i can claim OT. anw she's not the one paying me so of cos it's alright for her. i hav free Milo to drink agn today!

i love Fridays. it just reminds me that i'm gna go off early (IF THERE ISNT OT) and that tmr's Sat so i can sleep in and watch the sappy Korea drama agn. simple rotty Sat w no one to disturb you, esp yr mom, sis, Monster. fantastic. meeting Mel tmr but i'm utterly broke. ):< the cab fare serves as a painful reminder that I'M BROKE AND I NEED TO SCRIMP TILL I TAKE MY PAY NXT MONTH. the girls better get back to me to tell me if they're coming.

I'M GNA BE SO LONELY THIS SUN W/O CINDY OR BRIDGE OR BUBBLE TEA. ):< their work is during the weekends and i'm working during the weekdays. haven seen Duck for ages. Dua Na wont be free to entertain me cos she'd rather stay at home to play her games. how evil can she get. so NO two persons bridge and i guess i wont be seeing them till Christmas, that is provided that they tell me WHEN THEY'RE AVAILABLE. tsk. anyone wna date me on Sun? if not i'll just probably go home and rot and watch tv. shd get Monster to go borrow DVDs from his friends. he's ONLY useful in THIS way. how sad. i'm totally NOT of use to him so too bad.

eyes are drooping. got a shock when Mdm Choy told me my eyes' swollen. oh well. eyes are just shutting by the min. it took me long to type this entry cos i hav to keep switching. cant wait for lunch.

work now. ):<

2007-11-29T09:10:00.001+08:00

i'm feeling so depressed right now.

wanted to curse and swear very much. however, i lack the strength to do so. my heart's bleeding right now. i so wna hav OT today to make up for it. SIGH.

i woke up at fucking 8am, 1 hr later from my usual time. first thot was "FUCK". 2nd was thinking of what type of transport - cab/mrt. decided to flag a cab since i dont wna be labelled as 'NOT PUNCTUAL'. in the morning when you dont think straight you tend to do STUPID things. DOUBLE SIGH.

my parents woke up at the same time and my dad DID not offer to fetch me to work. instd, both started to reprimand me for sleeping late and waking up early in the MOST MOCKING way ever. at that pt i began questioning myself: what did i do to deserve such parents that GAVE NO ENCOURAGEMENT but put you down in the most demoralising way early in the morning. TRIPLE SIGH.

walked to the taxi stand at compass pt and waited for a fucking cab to arrive. at that pt of time my heart was still filled w strength and angst and kept cursing and swearing in my mind. after some time a cab came. told the uncle i'm going to MOE and he asked me 'TPE then CTE?' all i said was 'huh. anything. the fastest way cos i'm late' to him and he laughed. after TPE when we were reaching CTE he said we'll hav to go under ERP. at that pt i dont know how much does ERP costs cos i DONT FUCKING READ/WATCH the news. (BOO TO SIMXUELIN FOR BEING SUCH A FUCKING DUMBASS. DAMN) i just said OKAY STUPIDLY and he drove on. he started telling me stories lik "oh CTE wont jam while the other way will. others normally take the other way and suffer from the jam instd of choosing to pay for ERP'. i wonder how malicious is ERP and after i'm done w it, it costs me fucking $6.50!!! INDEED ERP IS EVERY ROAD PAY.

at that pt my heart's alr bleeding. looking at the metre running at a super fast rate makes my heart STOP BEATING. i scanned his cab and saw this Father and child sticker thing and saw this CROSS hanging up there and saw this ornament w a CROSS. thot to myself 'oh maybe he's a Christian or Catholic. that's nice'. how very very wrong i was.

he kept saying that NORMALLY CTE WONT HAV TRAFFIC JAMS. so i thot maybe it's just NOT MY DAY and continued trusting him for he drove really fast. when i reached MOE, the metre shows a FUCKING $25.60. i just paid and went up, clearing every single amt of money i hav in my wallet.

told Mdm Choy and she said most likely I'VE BEEN CONNED. THE FUCKING CTE WILL ALWAYS BE JAMMED ESP IN THE MORNING. i was damn numb at the moment cos my heart is bleeding profusely and apparently it stopped beating. PLUS SHE SAID THAT NORMALLY IT WLDNT BE THAT EXPENSIVE AND THAT I CAN COME IN LTR AND TAKE THE TRAIN INSTD.

how can the uncle hav the HEART to tell me that OH CTE AND ERP IS DEFINITELY THE FASTEST ROUTE AND THERE WONT BE ANY FUCKING JAM! i'm just a student YO! how can he bear to tell me such LIES when he's just a fucking cab driver that i dont know while it's a NORM to hav jams in the fucking CTE in the damn morning! right now i'm damn pissed but my heart's numb alr. shd hav just taken the damn train and be late than nvr right. trust the uncle to cheat me and i thot he was nice initially. DAMN YOU.

the worse thing is: IF HE'S A CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC, i'm totally totally disapptd that he actually LIED to a kid lik me who's ONLY fucking 17 years old and KNOW NUTS ABT ERP, JAMS AND DRIVING. Mdm Choy said maybe he's stupid not to know all these.

AS A CAB DRIVER, PLS KNOW YR SINGAPORE WELL. DONT GO OUT THERE AND CON OTHER STUPID CHILDREN LIK ME WHO DONT KNOW NUTS ABT ERP AND DRIVING AND RATES AND FASTEST ROUTE WHEN I FUCKING HELL DONT KNOW ANNYTHING ABT MAPS AND I FUCKING HELL DONT THINK THAT ERP IS CHEAP AT ALL.

he made me lose faith in a cab driver. all along i've met nice ones. thot he's one but turns out he's not. maybe he LIED or maybe he's just plain STUPID or maybe he just wna CHEAT ME OF MY MONEY. whatever the case is, PAYING A $25.60 TO LEARN SUCH A LESSON IS DEFINITELY NOT FUCKING WORTH IT.

it's my fault for waking up late and taking a fucking cab. it's my fault for being so STUPID to believe that cab driver and trusting a stranger cab driver that he'll put passengers' interests FIRST. this just proved how PRACTICAL this world is. EARNING MORE MONEY FROM A SINGLE PASSENGER IS A GOOD START FOR THE DAY. thanks uncle. you made me learn NOT to take a cab and learn that I MUST FUCKING LEARN ALL THE ROUTES IN S'PORE AND ESP THE FASTEST ONES AND KNOW THE RATES FOR ERP.

the biggest lie of all is that CTE WONT HAV TRAFFIC JAMS AND THAT ERP IS GETTING MORE EXPENSIVE SO NOT MANY WILL TAKE THE FUCKING ROUTE WHEN THEY DID AND THEY'RE NOT LATE LIK ME.

LEARN THINGS THE HARD WAY. this is way too much for my heart to handle. i swear. now i'm just numb. nothing seems to interest me. wish that money would just drop from the sky. if he really lied to me and all and he's a christian, total disapptmnt. NO MORE FAITH alr. how depressing.

FUCK. if i'm a cab driver, i wldnt wna lie to a student becos i know how hard it is to be one. students lik ME are NOT rich at all. FUCK.

sorry for all the vulgarities. even tho i'm not a very gd christian myself, i dont LIE to others abt routes and traffic jams when i admit I KNOW NUTS AND THAT I'M STUPID. i wonder what my mom wld say. she'll probably put me down even further and tell me that it's stupid of me. thanks parents. how wonderful. so gna predict that i swear. no amt of Dunkin Donuts they buy from KL will appease my bleeding heart and numb soul. DAMNIT. even the green polo tee she got for me is too small for even my head to get in. -.- totally depressing.

it's not my fault that i cant slp at night due to migraine attack every night and insomnia. i dont want this either. my parents wldnt undrstd. forget it.

FUCK.

2007-11-28T16:25:00.000+08:00

thank God there's NO OT today. yayness. however, it wld mean lesser KACHINGS. hmmm.

eyes are shutting constantly. the toilet break to wash my face dint help at all. was busy trying to complete one task but was assigned another. the second Milo treat was reviving indeed. having a motherly supervisor is a plus pt that makes everyone envious of. i thank God that i've met nice ppl where ever i work. even tho Bloomdale was nightmarish, the colleagues overwhelming kindness and friendliness wld nvr be forgotten. it's impt to hav nice ppl to work w. hmmm.

new temp. she's way cool i swear. she's currently studying forensics science in aussie and she completed her second year alr. she's damn good at it and she planned her future from the start. it's good to know that she's smart and can make it and know what she wants. for ppl lik me, a pathetic miserable worm, maybe future is just bleak. no pt hoping, yo! i wish i hav her brains.

what to eat for dinner? ):<

2007-11-28T08:44:00.000+08:00

BAAAHHH.

now every morning seems to be blogging time. i am super duper hungry right now cos i forgot to make brkfst ytd night. -.- mom's having a great time shopping w dad at KL and when we called over they dont even wna pick up. the IRONIC thing is: my mom thinks i'm lik some weird person cos i'm green ALL over and she bought me a GREEN shirt over there. FUNNY.

dinner ytd was FISH SOUP! the queue was fucking long but i still went ahead w it. there's no other options and it's cheaper than Dory Fish. i still think the pizza hut meal was a total waste of money cos even tho i attained satisfaction, my stomach refuse to agree w me and it all came out the min i reach home. it's lik 3 days of lunch money POOFED* how pathetic. after dinner i went home and this girl nxt door, a lil child, she said something really really depressing to me. SHE THOT I WAS MY MOM!!!!! dang. she's either too short or too blind. i think it's both. anw i went down to get Cheng Long up and i think Monster shd just hide in his room in shame. C'MON HE GREW SO SO SO SO SO MUCH over the past few years and all Monster did was SHRINK. how disgraceful. tsktsk. PLUS I SWEAR THAT GOH CHENG LONG'S DEAD. how dare he collaborate w Monster plus the initials thing. #$#%@^$@#$!# NVM.

almost cldnt wake up today. was on the phone w Nat till 2 plus. it's amazing how girls can talk for so long right. i was eating and watching tv and talking to her at the same time. bet the male species cant accomplish that much. tsk. anw i hope she'll feel much better after some xiaolin therapy. today she'll hav xiaofeng therapy. heh.

rushed here and now i'm drinking Milo that's from Australia. the powder is actually. it really tastes diff from the local Milo. Mdm Choy rocks! tho she likes to tease me lik asking me why am i SO SHORT but she's a nice lady. i thank God for my working experience at MOE has been rather smooth and nice w her around. OH ytd Uncle Lee called me! he still calls me 'little girl' and this is not gna change i guess. he wanted me to help him out at his roadshow but i'm alr working. sorry Uncle! i am really happy that he still rmbs me. he's really the best boss ever. hope his family's fine and whenever it's Christmas i'm reminded of them.

let me worry abt dinner tonight. it's horrible w no ready made food waiting for you at home. i hate washing clothes esp when it's handwash. maria-ing late at night is NO fun at all. CSI was good ytd! super exciting. too bad i've been missing out on Maggi and Me.

hope Angeline's well at her work. she found this interesting job selling children's toys. Dua Na found a job doing banquet and i HOPE she dont quit and stay put. money wont fall from the sky. if it falls, i would be the first to catch it. anw she wldnt know cos she's forever stuck at home. too bad. Elaine nvr ever tells me when she's free. she can date me for dinner when i'm so near Vivo. oh well. Cindy's data logging job's over ytd so now she's awaiting her chalet. at least there's a chalet for her. Duck's busy rotting at home. she has her videos to entertain her.

i miss Feng. Hannah too.

i should eat Maggie tonight. sounds good? hmmm. hungry alr. /: oh gna hav dinner w the girls to discuss 4unity Christmas BBQ. it means calling time!

work now. ):<

2007-11-27T09:56:00.000+08:00

no OT cos the person who scooted off ytd IS ON MC!!!!!!!!

anw i'm reading abt migraine right now. ONE LINE: migraine headaches are usually aggravated by daily activities lik WALKING UPSTAIRS! my classrm is on frkn 4th floor at the fucking corner. -.- no wonder. will suffer from diziness and DIARRHOEA. dang. begins in early adulthood. -.- now as i read, my head throbs and hurts even worse and i feel lik vomitting out my siew mai. ):<

SLEEP IS THE BEST MEDICINE BUT APPARENTLY I LACK SLP NO WONDER I HAV MIGRAINE SO OFTEN AND SO BAD NOW!!!!!!!!!! ):< they stated that i should avoid sharp cheeses (i love cheese pls), WINES (oh dear God), nitrates. -.- go vegetarian right.

artery, STOP DILATING! if not i'll continue to hav migraine. FENG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i should engage in relaxing non-medication techniques. MISS HER MASSAGES! boohoo. i wish there's this massage for head and neck. WAHHHH best. OSIM shd go invent one. anw i dont hav money to buy.

my eyes are lik getting smaller by the min. it's closing really soon. slacking so far w/o doing anything except blogging, Facebook and Friendster and READING ABT MIGRAINE. my head's pounding. ):<

'Examples of triggers include stress, sleep disturbances, fasting, hormones, bright or flickering lights, odors, cigarette smoke, alcohol, aged cheeses, chocolate, monosodium glutamate, nitrites, aspartame, and caffeine. For some women, the decline in the blood level of estrogen during the onset of menstruation is a trigger for migraine headaches.' quoted from www.medicinenet.com

'Disturbances such as sleep deprivation, too much sleep, poor quality of sleep, and frequent awakening at night are associated with both migraine and tension headaches, whereas improved sleep habits have been shown to reduce the frequency of migraine headaches. Sleep also has been reported to shorten the duration of migraine headaches. Caffeine is contained in many food products (cola, tea, chocolates, coffee) and OTC analgesics. Caffeine in low doses can increase alertness and energy, but caffeine in high doses can cause insomnia, irritability, anxiety, and headaches. The over-use of caffeine-containing analgesics causes rebound headaches. Furthermore, individuals who consume high levels of caffeine regularly are more prone to develop withdrawal headaches when caffeine is stopped abruptly.

Chocolate has been reported to cause migraine headaches, but scientific studies have not consistently demonstrated an association between chocolate consumption and headaches. Red wine has been shown to cause migraine headaches in some migraine sufferers, but it is not clear whether white wine also will cause migraine headaches. Tyramine (a chemical found in cheese, wine, beer, dry sausage, and sauerkraut) can precipitate migraine headaches, but there is no evidence that consuming a low-tyramine diet can reduce migraine frequency. Monosodium glutamate (MSG) has been reported to cause headaches, facial flushing, sweating, and palpitations when consumed in high doses on an empty stomach. This phenomenon has been called Chinese restaurant syndrome. Nitrates and nitrites (chemicals found in hotdogs, ham, frankfurters, bacon and sausages) have been reported to cause migraine headaches. Aspartame, a sugar-substitute sweetener found in diet drinks and snacks, has been reported to trigger headaches when used in high doses for prolonged periods.

WAHHHHHH. means i cant DRINK?! ):< SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP! i lack sleep! ):< RAWR.

i feel so fucking miserable now. ):<

2007-11-27T08:52:00.000+08:00

to JIEMEIS: i realised we dont hav a full jiemeis pic. take one soon! eh ppl, pls TELL me when the hell you're free to celebrate our annual Christmas, yo! plus, whatever happened to our PASTA WARAKU date???

adore my new blogskin. currently into dragons, esp green ones. i adopted one in Facebook that's why. ignore those navigations. nothing inside except for links and photos. perhaps Elaine shd go check out 'OTHERS' and start saving money. HUR-HUR. Cindy shd too.

i'm currently rotting my ass off at my desk. bet there's gna be lots of workload ltr to finish. HOPE that someone scoots off at 530pm sharp so that i dont hav OT for the day. I WNA GO HOME AND WATCH TV! i'm NOT a tv addict lik what my mom said. i'm just deprived of the only entertainment i hav. mom limits us to 1230am the latest but since both are away at KL, who cares right?! i'm not a kid anymore and i slpt at 2plus ytd. slight improvement due to the heavy workload in the day. i ought to overwork myself eh.

mdm choy aint here yet and my mouse died-ed since ytd. requested for a new one and i waited for a min for it but apparently it's just an empty talk. -.-

let me think of what to hav for dinner now. i'm hungry alr. i maria-ed ytd and it feels weird. wish my mom wld be back to maria for me but oh well. i'm a good kid so yeah i shall do the maria-ing. I'M HUNGRY DAMNIT. hope they buy Dunkin Donuts back for me to reward me for being such a great kid. HUR-HUR.

after ytd's dinner i rushed home and stayed in the toilet to diarrhoea for SO SO LONG. ):< horrible horrible. i brought all kinds of painkillers in my bag except for diarrhoea ones. it's here w me today! (in case)

i'm that bored. ):<

2007-11-26T11:17:00.000+08:00

YTD ANGELINE SHOCKED ME WHEN SHE APPEARED AT CINDY'S DOOR STEP SAYING "EH I WNA PLAY BRIDGE!"

guess what am i doing right now? i'm eating Twisties and slacking in front of my laptop at work. totally nothing to do as i wait for someone to return my call. went to jiemeis' blogs and went Facebook to cast some nose enlargement spell that Cindy invented on Duck and Pei Yin. FUN FUN FUN.

OT on fri till 10pm and i almost died of exhaustion. talked to Nat on the phone for a while and tried to psycho myself to slp at 3plus. dad said i need at least 7 hrs of slp but i only managed to clock at the most 4 hrs these days. migraine's getting worse when i work long hrs and lack slp and i dug out many diff kinds of painkillers for my fucking irritating throbbing head. the only consolation i got was the free pizza treat on fri for dinner.

supposed to work OT on sat BUT migraine killed me so i cldnt go. head got worse and i only manage to crawl out of bed at 3plus. as a result, i ps-ed Nat. sorry xiaoxian! anw watched the sappy Korean drama agn and went out to meet Cheryl to celebrate her birthday. in the end it's down to the BOTH of us. -.- went PS to catch Beowulf as she watched Enchanted alr. it's not worth $9.50 tho. smuggled Subway Cold Cut in! went walking ard PS and saw some ppl i know. head back to sengkang and went starbucks and crapped w Cheryl. we agreed to date each out more often as we're both pathetic JC students.

went home and tv-ed. was on the phone w Nat for abt 3 hrs. chitchatchitchat abt the girly guys that hav such nice long legs. jealous but i wldnt wna look lik them at all. watched this crazy horror (?) flick featuring Da S and it's plain crap. xiaoxian got a shocked cos the face was distorted. cooked scrambled eggs to rid hunger pangs and rotted in my room till 4plus then managed to slp. -.-

alarm dint ring and i woke up at 2plus! horrible horrible. rushed and went to Cindy's hse before it rains. bubble tea-ed and we watched the wok of life while playing 2 persons bridge AGN. well we've nvr stopped bridging weekly for it's always been only Cindy and i. we're fine w it cos we can entertain ourselves perfectly well. woman came and played for a while before Angeline came and shocked me w those words. dinner-ed and went bubble tea agn and went up to resume bridge. Elaine forgot her phone and she has choir till 7. oh well. bridge-ed and laughed and head home.

here i am. slacking and waiting for lunch time to come. Twisties rocks and this snack Mdm Choy gav me was FANTABULOUS. this is the ONLY good part of working here. the journey sucks big time. hope Cindy's only day at work went well. gna go home and invent more spells to cast at her. hope i hav time this wk to meet Mel for dinner to discuss Christmas celebration for 4 Unity.

work now. gotta go. ):<

2007-11-22T20:19:00.000+08:00

FORGIVE MY RANTINGS AND COMPLAINTS. it's just me. if i cant even rant and complain on my blog, i hav NO where else to rant and complain to. seriously.

INSOMNIA agn. how PERFECT. in the day i kept trying to keep myself awake and at night i cant slp. what's my problem? i dont know either. anticipate good sleep? DONT EVEN THINK ABT IT. even reading the bible DONT help. HUR-HUR. pathetic shit. was trying to catch a few more winks and perhaps just go back to slp and msg mdm choy that 'I'M QUITTING!' but for the sake of MORE KACHINGS, i fought back laziness w MUCH effort and dragged my ass off bed. was in all black cos i'm mourning for my utterly pathetically sad life that's so horribly mundane. BOOHOO.

the journey there is the beginning of my day and it SUCKS. it takes forever to reach buona vista. it's lik frm one end to the other, yo! why cant MOE be centralised? i undrstd the pain and the effort for those SP ppl and NP ppl right now. i cant complain too much if not they'll probably hate me for being so whiney. they travel the same distance EVERYDAY to sch. it's just the 2nd time i'm travelling there so perhaps after a while i'll get used to it. thank God that i dint choose NP or SP as well. if not i'll be whining and complaining for 3 yrs of my life.

started my day w SOLITAIRE. yes. you must be thinking how slack my job can be. HUR-HUR. no. it's just that i'm lazy to start calling schools so early. it's fucking irritating when they dont get it done. i just clicked clicked clicked my half an hour away. my desk is at the end where no one will see me so even if i fall aslp there, NO one will know.

another thing abt that stupid building is that there's air con on the FLOOR. -.-i thot it's better to hav air con installed higher up so that there's this air flow shit? obviously the engineer or contractor dint study his phy hard enf. even i understand the theory of cold air sinks but this time round, it's really literally. it's ON the floor. -.-

calling up schs and repeating myself the entire day just SUCKS. there's lik 179 pri sch after merging and all those crap and i cant believe i'm calling a huge part of them. now i can even memorise their names alr. DONT get me started. it'll go on forever probably. oh there's this new GUY and NOT girl. -.- my ears are playing a trick on me. anw it's good for jiaqi cos they hav each other. i hav my dusty table and my laptop.

ANOTHER thing that i forgot to mention is that there's this BIG irony existing right in front of my face. there's this note stuck in front of me saying that they must keep the envelopes and LAGGUAGES clean at all times. i was wondering "WHAT THE HELL IS LAGGUAGES?" it turns out to be LUGGAGES. HUR-HUR-HUR. what a big JOKE. it's MOE, yo! they make such mistakes? funny huh. talk abt speak good english. rolls eyes*

called and called and clicked and clicked and highlighted. MY JOB FOR THE DAY. tmr's gna suck more cos there's OT and we're gna be busy from TMR onwards. wish me luck for not typing anything wrong if not they'll skin me alive and fire me on the spot. there's even a FIRE DRILL tmr. -.- bother.

had lunch w gor Mark and JiaQi and MingLiang. it's a whole new experience seeing Gor Mark in such a smart attire. plus, we're dining at MOE of all places. HUR-HUR.

my eyes are closing by the min. bet my degree will shoot up by a few hundred cos i face the laptop everyday. all for the sake of KACHINGS. ah money.

i really need sleeping pills. God, shower me w sleeping pills instead of love for the moment. i think i need slp more than anything right now. sooner or ltr i'll turn into a eye-popping monster w bloodshot eyes. ):<

miserable wormy => ME ):<

2007-11-21T20:36:00.000+08:00

I WAS EARLY ON MY FIRST DAY OF WORK AND MY SUPERVISOR WAS LATE. HURHUR BIG JOKE.

calling schools that dont understand what the hell you're talking abt is seriously dumb. cursing and swearing at them inside my hearts might amount to massive internal bleeding. the ONLY way to stop the internal bleeding is to hope that those ppl picking up the phone calls at the other end will intelligently direct me to their AM and that'll save the day. DONT tell me that they're away at MOE (where I AM) for a meeting when you can jolly well just write down what i said and pass it over to them. PERIOD.

one ass guy that i've talked to today came from ** ********* *** ***. well the art of fighting yr case and using yr own email to shoot you back. FANTASTIC MR WHOEVER YOU ARE. tsk. -.- just rolled my eyes after i put down the phone.

solitaire is my SOURCE of entertainment. bet my rotting days are NOT going to last long. PSLE results are gna be OUT tmr and all the best to those weeping kids if they did badly and kudos to those who did well. parents are bound to be DAMN unhappy and i see my life at MOE pupil placement is gna be a hellish one.

ANOTHER THING THAT IRRITATES ME IS THAT THOSE PPL HAV SOME PROBLEM W THEIR EARS. they dont clean their ears as often as i do i dare say. I SAID I WAS FROM PUPIL PLACEMENT and they can distort PUPIL PLACEMENT into something that sounds so crude. argh. -.-

OT OT OT OT OT. the reality smacks back HARD on my face. i really think that we're all guinea pigs. nxt yr, they're implementing this Standard subs and Foundation Subs. i think it's good for my sis, who's failing BOTH HER MATH AND SCIENCE. pity she aint born a year ltr.

bet this will be my LAST post. okay i dont know abt tmr. i must travel all the way down to some unknown place to register so that i'll get my pay paid directly to my bank acc. a pity that nat's been replaced by this NJ girl and i hope she's nice. both of us hav to make friends so that we can travel down to get our registration done.

lastly, insomnia AINT helping the least bit. was yawning lik mad this morning while mdm choy explained things to me. damn. slept at 4am last night and hav been sleeping ard that time for AGES. -.- I FUCKING NEED SLEEPING PILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

o.o void of any expression. not capable of any at the moment, except decompose when it's not an expression. whatever. -.-

2007-11-20T20:52:00.000+08:00

BORING!

the weather these few days hav been terribly horrible. on Sunday, the lightning was THAT scary alright. the poor trees along this big field were all struck and they're either uprooted or struck into half. poor poor trees. all thanks to GLOBAL WARMING that we are experience such weird crap shit weather. it's cooling to slp in i agree. BUT, it's NOT good when you plan to get out of yr hse. rotting during these weather is PERFECT. my mom wldnt wna see me hanging ard at home so she'll prefer that i go to work. TOO BAD.

i dread work actually. if i am RICH, i wldnt wna go work FOR FUN but stay at home to rot. studying wld hav been a better choice as i'm alr officially a J2 and that my mindset shd change into a more hardworking one. but then agn, POOR ppl lik me CANT afford to CHOOSE so we'll just hav to settle for one and WORK. i mean, this is A PRACTICAL choice and SOLUTION to get KACHINGS so yeah. wont be free on weekdays, yo! their office hrs are damn long. plus, MOE is so freaking far. it's all the way at buona vista. it'll prbly take lik 1 hr to reach there. -.- the journey alone makes me sick. working isnt the best option, yo. if you're POOR, dont be choosey.

DAMN.

jon just called me and asked if i'm free for band. i said i'm working till dec. so i cant go for band camp and band fest. he doesnt sound too pleased. anw, i dont giv a shit. i cant please everyone damnit. anw it doesnt make a diff if i go OR not. i'm a lousy player since sec sch so too bad. NO DIFF. work is more impt. period.

so i slacked the entire day awy at Cindy's place. we are two boring ppl and we are the pioneers of 2 persons bridge. totally fun/boring/idontknow. giving ourselves names is the toughest process that we went thru. after a while we got tired of giving names and just stuck to left and right. no wonder we develop split personalities. that's what's gna happen to us when we turn 80. we were still fantasizing that we're gna get 2 more ppl at the Old Folks Home to play bridge w us. turns out that it's NOT gna happen and that we're fine w just the two of us. we can jolly well entertain ourselves too.

saw Mel ytd at compass and i was wondering if that's her. called her and the entire process was damn hilarious. spent my time yakking awy to mr Goh and even voice my very BIAS opinion abt his communist empire. i mean, it's not REALLY communist but it's red so i linked it to communist. okay anw that's totally dumb and i bet i wasted lik hrs of his lifespan on something insignificant.

i dont anticipate work at all. NOT AT ALL. plus, nat's only starting nxt monday so i'm all alone. hope she's feeling alright and will tell me if there's anything wrong w her. i do miss hannah and feng but it's a lil hard to date feng out. FENG: if you ever read this, tell me when d'you want yr chomp chomp trip. P.S. it's far for you, yo!

dont even know when Elaine's free and when she's NOT and i dont think she'll even tell us she's free. after much evaluation, Cindy and i concluded that we shdnt disturb her so much on Sundays. however, i dont think she'll take the initiative to pick up her phone to msg us and date us out or come over to Cindy's hse when it's just a few blocks away. she dont even wna return missed calls so Elaine is not only evil, but LAZY.

i wont be free on weekdays anymore. BUT SUNDAY'S STILL BRIDGE DAY. hope Cindy's free on that day then we can both entertain ourselves. it's enough to hav her ard actually. just a pity that woman's no longer that free anymore. if not we can bully her into playing 3 ppl bridge and hav a good laugh.

MOE, here i come. ):<

2007-11-17T19:43:00.000+08:00

this week is crazy i swear. lots of things and sch and BAAAHHH. okay. so let me first talk abt GAME PLAN. watched it w duck at cathay. she's lik sobbing after the movie. it IS touching but i dont cry so too bad. it's a really cute show and i think the girl is totally adorable. imagine you're so HUGE and yr daughter is so small? how nice.

two weeks of lessons are OVER! plus, i dint hand in the lit hmwrk. she wasnt even here on the last day so thank God. i seriously want mr lim to be our CT nxt yr. i want him to teach me SEA too! he's a great lecturer and teacher so i seriously think our class shd go write a letter to appeal. the sup pp results are back and congratulations to those who made it! ppl lik feng, wari, steph, gen, huda. for those who dont, i'm so gna miss them. i'm just glad rio's NOT gna be in the same class as me nxt yr. that way i dont hav to talk abt her anymore. the last day of sch was a lil sad. ppl are either going up w you or they're gna stay put or their gna withdraw. for daryn, tho he's a crazy fellow but he did provide entertainment so i guess we're all gna miss him. he'd better make sure he'll study hard and do well wherever he goes. for maurice, it's such a GREAT PITY. he's such a smart ass alright. TOP IN GP AND MATH so HELLO SCH! giv him a fucking chance! he proved to be much capable than all of us and i'm sure his results are better than those who got promoted. the sch shd giv him another chance even tho he's a retainee. we all supported him to go fight for his case.

went all the way to buona vista to MOE ytd. it sucks to hav diarrhoea before the damn interview. wld get the job if i dont go for the youth camp. conflicting issues eh. was telling cindy how pissed i was to travel all the way there to hear that they dont want me just becos of one wk. it doesnt make sense and that for poor ppl like me, i cant afford to choose. so before going for mannalife i am actually certain that i want the damn job. after that i just start to think twice agn. argh. hate it. i mean i dont really hav a choice do i? i'm not lik those O's and A's student who can make themselves free till feb or even longer. -.- chenglong's forever telling me that i'm richer than i can imagine. YEAH RIGHT. i'm talking abt the KACHING issue YO! nvm. he's too optimistic for me to handle. rolls eyes*

rotted my day away. my day started w duck calling me 12.30PM waking me up telling me that SHE'S BORED. i just asked her to call elaine and went back to slp. intend to slp w/o disturbance till 3 plus and then lanxiaobing called me. -.- asked me if i want a job and when i heard that i thot it was God who's giving me another opportunity. turns out that it's only FOR THREE DAYS so i turned him down. as a good classmate of his i promised to help him find 3 girls. I DID okay. well basically the thing that chenglong said abt God will give me another better job and offer dint knock at my doorstep today. i cant afford to wait too long in case MOE dont want me!

watched this sappy korea drama. dang those korea dramas are always so -.- this guy lost his memory cos he was robbed and he rolled down a cliff and this pair of kind hearted soul brought him home and he fell in love w the daughter and they got engaged. sad to say on the day of engagement the father died and they're left alone. someone who know that rich guy decided to send someone to kidnap him and bring him far away. he ran off and GOT KNOCKED DOWN BY A CAR. -.- how many times can you get that kinda car incident? tsk. anw, he got knocked down and he eventually rmbd who he was as a rich guy and totally forgot abt his 'loss of memory' days. -.- HOW DUMB CAN THAT BE!!!!!! moral of the story: i pity the girl. her dad just died and her fiance ran off back home. -.-

dinner and lunch are equally disgusting and cold. -.- wna date dua na out for dinner but she'll rather desert me for liping. FINE. they click so FINE. being ps-ed today.

so here i am, alone at home the ENTIRE DAY. it feels damn gd seriously. a good way to start my so called 'holiday'. THE BEST PART IS THAT MONSTER'S NOT HOME!!!!!!! yayness.

shall go watch heroes. season 2 is seriously disapptg. tsk. they shd just die and stop at season 1. period.

2007-11-11T17:40:00.000+08:00

HOLY INNOCENTS HIGH SCH
OFFERING A HEADSTART TO POLYTECHNIC EDUCATION.

@$#%#^%#&$&^%#$%#@%$@!#%#%&$^#$%@#$!%#@%&#@$%@$

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE SCH?! headstart to polytechnic education. OKAY. polytechnic is GOOD. but think abt those ppl who went to pursue a JUNIOR COLLEGE path. argh. i saw a few students on fri giving out flyers. went to check it out and saw that it's an open house to the sch. flipped the flyer to the nxt page and saw those freaking words. then i started cursing and swearing @#!#$@$%@$^@$%!#%#%&#^%@#$!#%%

no wonder HIHS is my LAST choice and not other ppl's choices. you shdnt limit yr child to just a polytechnic education. you shd giv them more options, lik junior college and all. doesnt mean that ALL students who go there MUST end up in a polytechinic. i saw melvin, the once cute boy when he was young and he shared the same sentiments. ppl have great aspirations, to go triple science class and go for a junior college. for smart ppl who mugs hard, JC is definitely a shorter route. if you cant handle GP, obviously poly would be a better and smarter choice.

i dont get the sch seriously. giving everyone brainwashing session that they offer polytechnic education. what is WRONG w them i seriously dont know. anw i dont giv a shit anymore since i'm outta that crap. i'm WAY beyond secondary sch and wont look back. moving on and i'm promoting. one more year to go and i'm waving gd bye to another phase of my life.

who says lazy ppl cant make it to JC? i did. i did badly, but i improved and managed to promote. so why cant others hav hope and wish to go to a JC? nvm. forget it. just pissed w the sch. thank God my 4 years of sec sch life is over and enjoyable thanks to friends and tchrs. wldnt dare say abt anything else beyond that. tsk.

screw it.

2007-11-07T20:30:00.000+08:00

HEROES! :D

the thing that's getting me addicted. channel 5 is seriously way too lousy and slow. according to duck, desperate housewives 4 is alr out, the 2nd season of ugly betty IS OUT too! -.- now i wish i hav wireless at home and a laptop of my own. watching these shows are gna make rotting even better.

currently in love w PETER PETRELLI because he can ABSORB powers and it STAYS THERE permanently. HOW COOL CAN THAT BE? very. plus, w this power, i wldnt want micah's alr. this is way cooler. his absorbing skill doesnt require much bloodshed lik sylar's so oh well. cant wait to finish it and carry on to season 2.

deepavali's tmr! i'm happy cos it means holiday for me. i wish i can just sit at home and watch shows the entire day. sch sucks.

shall go watch a bit of online stuff. now i really wish for a laptop. DANG. i so wish that i can chop off my nose that seems to be sniffing non-stop. love those days when i'm sick lik today w no sch and watching heroes on my comfy sofa.

2007-11-07T13:36:00.001+08:00

I FUCKING HELL PROMOTED!!!!!

ytd was our results day. was really scared and worried abt the outcome but cldnt giv a shit anymore. went to sch and went thru the normal lessons till 1plus and went bowling w girlfriends. we took the wrong bus and we ended up lost and going round and round yishun. after realising we were taking the WRONG 812, we went to the stupid int. once agn and guan yu came along this time round. bowled for a while and took a cab back to sch.

the atmosphere was really scary cos everyone was so damn worried. in class, the mood wasnt fantastic at all. unlike classes that has 100% promotion rate, my class has only 9 out of 23 that gets to promote. when i went up to sign the paper, i saw my name and nothing else. the nxt moment i was in tears, standing in front of the class saying 'thank God'. that's the only two words that i kept uttering. i rmbd the first person that i hugged was Daryn and that i was so happy to PROMOTE. 9 out of 23 wasnt easy and as i count the no of promoted ppl, i got more worried. after receiving the reassurance, the first thing i did was to thank God. i really do. w/o His grace and blessing, i wldnt hav promoted. i am glad that i am rewarded for some hard work put in, even tho it was last min. this serves as a lesson as well cos it reminds me to work harder the nxt time.

after promos and even during the course of it, i was fucking depressed and sad. promoting seems so tough, esp in YJ, the stupid sch w the harsh promotion criteria and all. future seemed so bleak and i was alr planning for my future after promos. NS, retaining and all sorts of nonsense came into mind. after hearing that there wont be PA and instd there will be sup papers, i was quite glad cos at least i got the chance to take sup pp. however, i felt that i wldnt make it if my sup pp was math or econs and i might as well just retain. it seems easier. pushing awy all these thots were hard but i managed to do so somewhat.

i prayed, whenever i got really emo and down at night. it may seem as if i'm talking to myself but i guess God listened. i told him, that God, no matter what happens, i did my best and hopefully He'll do the rest for me. even tho saying all these requires much faith and courage, i told myself i ought to hav faith and believe in Him who knows best. however, soon my feelings were all haywired and i just felt so miserable. retaining seems lik the most possible option amongst anything else and i was actually trying to prepare myself for it. parents objected to me retaining and refuse to hear another word abt it. it took me weeks to persuade my dad to allow me to retain, for i promised that given another year, i wld definitely hav done better w/o much regrets. guess that was when my faith is put to test. i am ashamed to say that i hav very lil faith in God that he'll promote me. i told Him constantly whenever i was praying that God, no matter what, i knnow you hav the best option and route for me, but God, may the best route be promoting and nothing else. i dont care if i hav to go thru all those emotional turmoil shit but i just wna fucking hell promote. i dont wna lie and be a hypocrite even to God, saying that 'i believe in EVERYTHING that you've planned for me'. i know it's all a LIE so i told God that i hope the best option and door that He's gna open for me is to PROMOTE.

i know God loves me. i do believe. just that sometimes the thot just wavers and you begin to feel that perhaps God dont love me that much. perhaps He dont love me enf to want to promote me. it seems as if i'm cutting a bargain w God but i told Him that if He really loves me, He'll promote me cos He knows i'll feel fucking depressed if i were to retain. guess God really does love me and i feel so bad for ever doubting that, during this course and this difficult period. tho i wasnt that faithful but i know that He is. He's forever w me. i am yet agn ashamed to acknowledge the fact that i haven been going to church for quite some time alr. at first it was just a few and subsequently, it became uncountable. i thot that shit this is the end for me cos God's not gna help me for i'm not worshipping him and all. however, He proved to me likewise. i am grateful for having such a wonderful God. i know it's bad to curse and swear but i am trying to control it. perhaps if i pray more and read His words, i might be able to bid adieu to such crude words. giv me time and i'll change that bad habit.

i was really emotional when i got my results. i cried lik mad and kept uttering 'thank God' in my mouth. i am lost for words and i dont know what else to say. i called Cindy and i bet i scared her lik hell. she must hav thot i'm gna bring in some bad news but thank God, i promoted. i called my parents and they were really glad for me. i no longer hav to persuade my dad to let me retain anymore! i called monster but his wasnt an encouragement, but a scorn. he cldnt believe his ears that i got promoted and thot i was plain lucky and that i shd hav just gone to a poly w my shit results. i know my results are shit but at least there's an improvement from 3 Us in blocks till promoting, meeting the sch criteria. however at that pt of time i chose to ignore his snubbing and hung up on him. he's just a fucking bastard and i cldnt giv a shit abt him. me promoting proved to him that God exists and He is truly the Almighty.

for ppl who dont believe in God, perhaps it doesnt hurt to believe and pray. i prayed and even tho my faith was so little, i promoted. i seriously wish that my classmates taking the sup pp are gna promote along w me. i believe they can. they each hav their own God and believes and i hope that they hang in there. we're all gna promote tgthr and make it!

to hannah, i am sorry dear. dont hav to be sad cos i'm sure you're gna kick ass nxt yr. you're gna do so much better than you did. being in the same class was a joy and i wld miss you dearly, sincerely. shortie loves you and will surely see you ard in the sch compound. dont forget our nxt girl talk yeah. to feng, i just hope that she's not gna giv up and pull thru this wk. it might seem so hard but i want her to trust in the Lord and pray for a miracle. i prayed for a miracle and it did happen to me. i'm sure she's even more faithful than me and that God will bless her for her hard work. she might not see this but i love her, and so wna be sitting beside her agn. i wna go thru the rest of my JC life w her, my 6-in-1 packet milo. to nat, my fellow chinese sleeping partner and xiaoxian, i love you too. you brought much joy to me and i'm glad that we got promoted tgthr. rmb those times when we msg each other late at night, sleeping in class, slacking. those were fun. i really love that and hope we'll cont from there. sorry for always ps-ing you but i'll make up for it.

one more person that i must thank the most is weiting. i really really thank God for placing her in my life. she's a wonderful friend cum sister to me. forever encouraging me and believing in me when i dont, she puts in a lot of effort to make sure that i feel encouraged. i can sense her true care and concern and i'm sure it's not just for a moment, it's gna last. i truly appreciate her and i thank God for her, really. those days when i werent in church, she will make the effort to msg me and ask abt my well-being. she rmbs my exam dates and rmb to wish me all the best and prays for me. she encourages me non-stop and i am blessed. i appreciate her a lot and really thank God for her. i called her to share the joy and from her voice i can hear the sincerity in the voice. she really feels the happiness, the same happiness that i felt. it's not hypocritical or pretentious. she's not. she's been very true to me ever since i became part of this big family. tho she wont read this but i just felt that i ought to record this down. life is worth living when you hav just one true friend. she's just one of them of cos but she's one sister that can never be replaced.

today when i got out of bed, all these seems so unreal to me. i was wondering to myself: am i really promoted? can i officially declare myself a J2 now? in class, there's only 5 of us today. feels weird, but it feels cosy. however, i must not be complacent. i get to be promoted thanks to God's grace. true, sheer hard work does count but i am glad for i hav Him. went ard having lots of lessons alr. can start to feel the pressure coming in but i hope that God will help me thru it yeah. slacking ard w the 4 others are really cool. realised that i'm also the only 1 who dint go for first three mths. this just proved some theories wrong that those who dont attd first three mths tend to NOT promote. from a 3 Us to current status, i am proud to say i hav improved. so gna miss mr lim cos he's not gna teach us nxt yr. he's a really gd hist tchr and i appreciate what he has done for us this entire year. i really do.

class shrunk and it's a lil empty. however, laughter can still be heard as Nirmy's forever so happy. i truly am amazed at how he can laugh so loudly everyday and stay so happy. i sure hope it's not those negative externalities that contributes to this. he's just this happy person who dont act his age sometimes. wanting to play GO! fish and all those funny weird stuff, talking out loud to himself during IQ test and during dai dee. i am glad he's in our class for he'll cont bringing us laughter. i truly admire Nirmy for being such a happy fellow. he once said that life is not all abt partying, it's abt having friends ard and enjoying life. i rebutted, saying life is all abt taking MCs and staying home to slp. he made a gd pt, saying that at the end of the day when he dies and he sees his flashbacks, he wants to see that he died living a happy life, not taking MCs from doctors. he is so optimistic that if he live a happy and good life, he's gna go to Heaven. well obviously to us it's not true, but no harm keeping that happy innocent belief of his eh? sometimes i too wish that i can be as optimistic as him. however, we're all made differently, perhaps that why they're part of my life. they are filling up what i am not. God's will, perhaps.

rotting at angeline's hse today w duck elaine and angeline was full of laughter as well. i feel relaxed cos the worst of the year is over. helping angeline can be such a troublesome thing but i wldnt mind. what are jiemeis for right? this yr flew really fast and i hope that 10 yrs down the road, jiemeis will still be laughing tgthr and playing bridge!

to end on a negative note, i fucking wish that monster will die. it seems that he's the only one allowed to hav feelings and i am NOT entitled to any emotions of any sort. i laughed in a joking manner just now and he said i'm scorning him. i've nvr met someone who is so narrow-minded. no one can be compared to monster, i swear. i sometimes wished that he aint no brother of mine. what kinship, what blood is thicker than water? all these are just bullshit cowdung used to fool kids and make them believe that siblings shd love one another. monster obviously dont value kinship or value this horrible sister lik me. even if i'm horrible, my parents agree that in terms of character, i am much better. i dont bark at my younger sis for nothing and i talk nicely to her. he's such a bitter fellow and he's even more bitter than i am. i wonder why does he treat me lik that when i am his sister?! this is worse than solving the fucking jigsaw. he threatens me and i cant. what kind of fucking theory is that? i am sick and fucking tired of living under his thumb and nvr ever having the chance to breathe. he wants to overshadow me using force and coersion but all these will result in nothing! at the end of the day what will he achieve? he was the one who made me hate him, wishing him dead and feeling so angsty abt this whole thing. i am happy to be out w ppl i lik and i feel so horrified to return home every night to see his fucking face. all these while i've been tolerating cos i need the fucking comp to do PW and all those shit. today i hav a chip on my hand to bargain w him but whatever, fuckhead. he's forever out to snub at me and say that i'm not good enf and that i deserve no place in JC and might as well go to a fucking poly and get a fucking laptop myself so that i can stay out of his way. why cant he just get out of MY fucking way and get into a uni? OOPS sorry, he cant get into a uni w his FUCKING SHIT results. that's why i'm gna prove his ass wrong cos that's what his brain is made up of and located at. i promoted for a start and gna outshine him for A's and go marry a rich man or get a rich job in future and make sure he comes begging at my doorstep. i will just kick him out and say he deserves it. he used to be abusive towards me and i endured that. everyone has a boiling pt. what makes things worse is that my mom is unable to protect me from all these. complained to my dad and none did anything to stop him. i am fighting a losing battle, alone. i can never win him in terms of being technologically savvy. i wld nvr undrstd those modem language and i am totally incapable of deleting every single fucking folder of his. guess what? he's gna do that to MY folder. i've nvr met anyone so mean in my entire life except for him. i am a fucking bitch and damn mean but he's worse and deadlier. i know it's damn mean to wish him dead but i bet he dont wish me alive either.

i hav no such brother. siblinghood dont survive in this family and it wont ever exist, died when the brother i used to look up to died. his sir commented that he was a gd boy. OH WHAT A FUNNY JOKE. he's such a fucking hypocrite. he's worse than me alright. i am good in sch and am working hard to be the best kid ard at home and i'm sure i am there soon. why cant he treat us nicely when we are of his flesh and blood? he says that outsiders dont hav anything to do w him so he's nice to them and dont giv a fuck abt them. HUR-HUR. asswipe bastard. he obviously got his moral education mixed up. he doesnt hav a heart at all. NOT AT ALL. bet he ate it up and shit it out.

i dont feel sorry for insulting him lik that cos this is the ONLY method that i can unleash all my angst against him. i cant say it verbally and i will definitely lose if i confront him. i hate this fucking bastard that has no brains and fake guts who is a fucking hypocritical BITCH. confronting him outright would be a total insult to my intelligence cos i wldnt wna stoop low to his. feeling vulnerable abt my parents incapabilities to help is alr a norm. i just hav to get used to bitching abt him here lik i always do.

i am a bitter kid and he is one contribution to it. asswipe. i hope he's dead. at this moment, i wont regret what i said. period.

2007-11-07T13:19:00.000+08:00

pasta at waraku with the girls. (some random guy's head that popped in)

that day is the very rare day that i get to hang out w my girlfriends: hongli xuanqi kiahwee yuanlin melissa. yuanlin owes me one since long time ago and she's finally free. met the rest and head down town to shop for some stuff. walked ard and all of them bought at least one item. xuanqi looked lik a red lobster and she looked as if she just came out from camp. walked ard and went to visit yuanlin at build-a-bear workshop.

she saw me and she screamed and i'm lik o.O went to marina for dinner at waraku!!! waited for damn long, near an hour or MORE than that before we got seats. by the time almost everyone had their dinner alr. the pasta was gd and the service was alright. took pics and went off. miscalculation of money and all happnd and i wonder what happnd actually. walked from marina to esplanade and took lots of pics once agn while walking there. legs almost crawled off from me cos i walked in heels the entire day and it's sore and swollen. went home to rest it and read the guide till wee hrs. had difficutly walking the nxt day even. time for some photos.

the girls (:

the frowning faces - fear of results.

kiahwee and xuanqi!

xuanqi and yuanlin!

the girls being whacko.

on sunday:
usual bridge day. played w Cindy the entire day and we almost killed all our brain cells thanks to the split personalities that we hav. since there's only 2 of us, we can play bridge so we played the 2 person bridge that we invented. even resorted to naming each hands to differentiate and clear the confusion. first was lady-bird theme w peter john mary jane. after that it evolved to many other stupid and funny names. duck came and saved one of our hands and she went off real soon. angeline came, dragged elaine along and played a few rounds of satisfying bridge that was hilarious at the same time. talked abt angeline's scandals and laughed at her. head home feeling lik some aunty carrying some green bag, trying to promote saving the Earth. felt really retarded but oh well, dua na's lap top.

2007-11-02T14:37:00.000+08:00

it's finally friday! END OF THE DAMN BORING IRRITATING ROUTINE OP LIT PRESENTATION SHIT WEEK.

wed marks the end of my year long misery - PW. i swear the sch is freaking stupid. the OM chased us away from the canteen when we were not even making so much noise. after he came to chase us away for lik 3 times or more, we went off cos we dont wna see his irritating face. then they started moving those benches to the new canteen. i seriously dont undrstd why they are moving it there when all the stalls are still at the old canteen. anw what's wrong w the old one? the new one sucks and it's so out of the way i swear.

we hav lik 4 examiners and we were so unlucky to get that old man who has a scrunched up face and asks stupid qns and dont even let poor hannah think for a min! i seriously see no reason why we cant collect our thots. others are allowed to hello. anw i'm glad the woman said 'very good' after i ended my Q and A. that somewhat reassured me. dint manage to finish my conclusion. the awkward silence when we were watching the funny video of 'three acrobats' made me even more nervous.

after that went to angeline's hse and we headed down to hg pt. bought donuts and went grocery shopping! it was funny cos we kept bugging angeline to buy this and that and even called her 'mummy'. she obviously said NO to everything. she spent a total of $152.95!!!! okay that's only at NTUC alright. after that went back to her hse to do my lit presentation. got fed up after a few slides and went home to do it.

obviously, monster wont be so nice to let me use it for a longer period of time. being a bastard, he just ignored my pleas and talked to me in a harsh tone. fine, whatever. it's SIMXUEYING's birthday! on halloween yeah and that's the only interesting fact. her cake's nice, oreo cheesecake. after eating her cake i can bid adieu to my dinner.

finished the lit slides, short and simple and disgusting i swear. who gives a shit when it's not gna be inside our promos? tsk.

did my lit presentation ytd and i felt so gd after that. anw i'm glad i dint fail or anything, even though it wasnt that fantastic. ytd was just another boring day where almost the entire class skipped econs tutorial. like i said, i'm not gna giv a shit abt that tutorial till i get my results on mon.

went to shiwei's hse after that and was painting duck's nails for her. all of us cld hardly keep our eyes open and we were so bored. bugis village has practically NOTHING to offer and i seriously dont intend to buy anything from there cos it's not ... okay. anw went to haji st to check out the costume shop and it's really cool! they hav lik thousand and one costumes there and i dont know where to start! after that just went down haji st to check out those small shops and they sell really interesting things there. hav to head back to yishun for dental and i am late alr. there's something wrong w the train track and thank God the dentist dint go off. changed the color to LIME GREEN!

dint go to sch today cos i dont feel lik it. duck ps-ed me cos her mom told her not to go see a dentist for her growing wisdom tooth. today's wait at sk polyclinic was short even tho there's thousand and one ppl there. head down to angeline's hse to steal some of her ice cream and went off to duck's. stormed really heavily and thank God for angeline's big umbrella.

duck's hse is filled w ppl. wonder if it's a hse warming. heh. anw dont feel lik going to the halloween party tonight cos firstly, i dont know my way there and secondly, i dont hav a costume. went searching for it too late i guess and forget it. i mean, i felt really bad for parmes and wari cos they're really nice to invite me there. i'll try to make up for it! tonight's mannalife's at pastor's. it's so far and i'm so rotty these days. no mood for anything except rotting i guess.

mom dint cook my dinner. dang. shall go hav dinner on my own and watch dvds or something. that sounds so boring and rotty i know. but who gives a shit when yr mood's the one deciding yr day?

went to the doc's just now and told her i cant slp at night and i slp at fucking 2am every fucking night. during wkdays when there's sch the hours that i clock is ONLY 4. she said that's definitely not enough and that's why i hav persistent headache. cant blame my migraine for acting up every fucking night. i'm used to it being a part of me alr. forget it. just stay there in my head to torture me so that i'll die of brain cancer or something? yeah whatever. migraine, you win.

going out w my girlfriends tmr. yuanlin owe me this one for a very long time. hope gna hav fun. actually i dont mind rotting at home. that sounds so boring.

yes. rotting is part of my life. cant help it if i'm lazy or anything. rotting is gd for health to me. not for those ppl who lik partying and all. sorry.

sleepy.

2007-10-30T20:25:00.000+08:00

can you BELIEVE it?! Daryn's palm size is the size of MY FEET. /: okay this is something seriously amazing. Daryn's a super lengthy chap alright.

look at the difference, yo! one is a size 3 and the other a size 13. it's lik 4 times bigger than mine!!!! okay enough of that.

this is feng, my 6-in-one packet milo.

there you go, feng. she's trying to do the INDIAN thing w the tree? yeah.

alright. ytd marks the end of our chinese misery. THANK GOD! after the chinese stupid freaking paper, nat and i went past laoshi and was lik "YAY LAOSHI NO MORE CHINESE!!!!" she wont hav to keep calling my name and wont keep calling nat "NATASIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" alr. way cool. to hell w chinese seriously. the passage's abt the stupid bee. i dint go for first three months and i dint listen to her. but heck, it's over! LIBERATION!

so tmr shall mark the end of my PW misery. tho chinese has been w me all my life, i'd definitely prefer chinese over PW. PW officially sucks big time. heard that they're gna get rid of that nxt year. DANG. what the fuck right. i'm not sure if it's true. if it's true than those younger asses are damn lucky.

nat and i were damn bored ytd. went to slack at uncle jackson's stall and sat there, stoned. his daughter looks lik him a sense or another (duh it's his daughter i know). she seems really frightened when i asked her who's her form tchr and all. nah, i'm not intimidating alright! xiaoxian and i were thinking, what to wear for para wara and swara's halloween's party. up till now, no avail. OKAY RATHER FAILURE.

right now, my priority should be lit presentation slides. ms tan will strangle me if i dont do it. actually she wont, she'll just AWARD me a big fat 0. -.- better do it. oh and today, we were so bored so xiaoxian and i decided to call everyone w the 'xiao' in front. aloysius would be 'lan xiao bing'!!!! cant wait to call him that when he comes to sch.

had a real good sleep today during the fucking long break. nat and i just slept thru the entire thing! we slacked and dint go for econs. went to play cards at the bench. asshole dai dee at first, then proceed on to my all time fave - BRIDGE! i swear bridge is my life and soul. that's the main interest of jiemeis i guess (except angeline). dai dee was good when i was the asshole and i wont w numbers! yayness. bridge was cool too cos i won two rounds! bridge, the ultimately best game in the entire world. ms tan caught us playing cards and wanted to confiscate it. nash talked her round and yeah she's in a gd mood today so thank God.

look at Daryn's happy face. er.. no comments on that.

well sch seems so long and draggy. hate the fucking sch seriously. (okay recently i'm damn vulgar, almost every sentence as the 'fuck' word in it. sorry, i'll try to change that habit)went off w duck to meet Cindy at amk hub for lunch. felt bad for making her wait. contemplated and still decided on fish soup. -.- after that, wanted to head down to cave but decided on duck's hse instd. her sisters' brought the laptop w them so i ended up rotting and watching tv. slept a while and watched a lil of 'just my luck'. duck was sleeping lik a pig (sounds funny isnt it) went home after a while.

forgot i was taking the fucking 109 and i thot i'm taking 159. -.- must be the crazy brain of mine. so i overshot and hav to walk one big round to compass. bought my stuff and from the 2nd lvl, i can see cheng long's head sticking out. it's really him anw and damn he sure can talk for HOURS. i was reading in the library while waiting for xuan and after that he's still there when i'm gone. right.

xuan xuan xuan! she shd study hard and thanks!!! shd officially date all of them after O's. the 'rmb to date me out!' nvr happened this yr so yeah. /:

angeline aw hai qing! go source for skins yourself that are not so troublesome lik those 2 we found ytd and it'll be good. (:

2007-10-26T20:39:00.000+08:00

this is the donuts that nat and i bought that day! lemon tastes good.

today is a damn tiring day. we finally get to dismiss early at 11.10. for once, yjc is NICE. bet this is the ONLY time. anw the PW lecture was short. duck and i kept talking hence we dint pay much attn to it. went off to do myI&R and lack total inspiration once agn. the environment aint conducive to think so forget it. typed a crap one and felt really lazy to print it. went for a practice session w xuanqi. felt bad that i hav to ps them. after that was chinese lecture. i did so much better for this test than promos. this is utterly unbelievable. i managed to get a 80/100 overall. thot i wrote a lil out of point for my compo, but thank God i managed a 51/60.

moral of story: SLEEP and take yr papers not so seriously.

was waiting for duck after sch. head down town w her. was crapping w her as usual. that's what you get when you put two pri sch friends tgthr. had lunch at far east and the kway teow was really nice. tho oily, but worth it. the pissed off thing was that the aunty cleared my barley when i'm not finished w it. -.- dang.

walked ard. topshop was disappting. their remaining sizes are seriously too big for me. left that place disapptd but oh well. after that i wasnt really in the mood to shop. for duck, it's the total opposite. she was bored at first but after that she became the true blue kiasu duck once agn. too lazy to go for the interview too. so sorry nat!

visited liping but she wasnt there. head dwn to duck's friend's mother's working place. she's a totally cool mom and she's really nice. chatted w her for quite some time and head back to taka to look for liping. sat for a while and rotted at kinokuniya. it's so huge and i fell aslp there. this irritating guy kept standing in front of me. woke me up. ass.

met cindy along orchard rd after we left. duck was whining to her to get her to go home w her. after much discussion we left. i must thank DUCK for accompanying me till 5plus. duck rocks! that's why i say it's a gd thing that we are in the same sch. you get some company, yo.

was utterly sleepy and moody. met the few of them for dinner. bet chenglong was bored so he asked me some weird qns. bet it's because he dint know what to talk to me abt. cant blame him. i'm partially at fault for not wanting to talk. utterly sleepy and rotty. dont even hav the mood to go think of what to eat. settled for something near and sat there and rotted. my nemesis no. 1 appeared - CLOWNS. when i left i kept looking at the floor. stupid clowns.

walked ard. spent a lot of time at this christian shop. walked ard somemore and head home. awkward silence w cheng en on the train. he was complaining abt the volume of my ipod. sorry, i lik to cover outside noise. rotted and here i am.

every single fucking time i wna use the damn computer when it's MY allocated time, the all so retarded monster of the hse refuse to let me use and starts to shoot me and ORDERED me to get my ass to POLY and get a fucking laptop. hello, if you're so fucking smart, get into a uni and get yr own laptop! but he's not capable of doing so. hence he looks down on me and thinks that i'm not gna make it to uni LIK HIM and get SHIT RESULTS LIK HIM. fuck you, monster. i've nvr met someone so selfish and i've nvr met such an asshole brother lik him. when he's in a gd mood he'll be nice. i hav to prepare brkfst for him in order to get him to help me do something. in the end that thing was nvr done. NVR TRUST YR ELDER BROTHER. monster is the bane of my life i swear. i cant stand it when he's so fucking irritating and selfish. when he was in JC i nvr said that kind of mean thing to him lik "oh retain la or go poly la"that kinda shit. asshole.

in this hse, he's the only fucking one that CAN hav a bad temper. I CANT. fuck. submitting to oppression is driving me nuts. cant retort or do something real mean cos he's a fucking bastard and has the control over civilisation - the computer. i mean, fuck. what the fuck is this. so i swear i'm gna make it big in life, marry a rich man and make sure he has to beg me in future. ass. i know, you've nvr seen any sister blogging abt their brothers in vulgarities, but seriously, you shd see him. you'll agree w me that he's fucked up.

i dont hate him. i dont adore him either. what to do. he's my brother, the monster. abide by his bidding and i will live. retort and i shall perish. -.-

even mom cant stand him. what d'you think? asswipe.

i shall slp the entire day tmr. lik finally! shant go back to sch for PW cos it's retarded. shall rot at home and waste my life away. future is bleak anw.

cheng en said, i missed out on a lot of things during the period when i wasnt in church. i asked him what and he said a lot. so i asked "does it mean that i go means i wldnt retain? if i retain it's because of this?" i was totally in despair. results are approaching. if i hav to retain, i think i fucking hell deserve it. what to do. monster's prediction came true. -.-

just rotty. no mood.

2007-10-25T18:04:00.001+08:00

NEW SKIN! yayness. thanks to duck cos she found this for me. had been so long since i edited those html stuff. rusty rusty rusty. anw she should be proud that i thanked her. haha. currently at angeline's hse slacking ard.

finally, it's going to be the end of the long wk. this wk was crappy and boring. did the qns today and i think it was alright. hope they ask me easy and straightforward qns. daryn's so dead. bet mr g.'s gna giv him a harsh time. we're gna be dismissed at 11.10 tmr!!!! no plans yet. if there's no plans i'm just gna go home and slp and go watch youtube. sounds utterly boring but this is the life of being in a JC, yo. you lose the color of yr life.

nirmal's being retarded today. he said he wna live a colorful and exciting life and life isnt all abt partying, it's abt friends. fancy that coming from nirmal huh. i said life is all abt getting MCs and sleeping at home when you hav sch. he said that at the end of the day when i die, and i see flashbacks of my life, it'll be so dead and dull to see just me taking MCs and sleeping at home. so so so crap that nirmal.

was stoning and wna sleep the entire day. bet it's just the boring lifestyle. sch sucks and our new timetable was alright. we dismiss at 1.40 everyday and we hav thousand and one breaks in betwn. zzz. ass.

nothing much. just a quick update. just bored too.

2007-10-24T19:47:00.001+08:00

so tired.
just came back from shopping w nat.
walked walked walked.
dint even get a seat in the train.
legs are gna crawl away alr.

this wk was plain crap alright.
PW and more PW.
chinese and more chinese.
seriously i think it's utterly sick.
this wk pass by so super slowly.
time's lik crawling.
wonder when friday will ever come.

chinese was alright.
was sleeping throughout her lessons.
she kept calling my name to wake me up.
she even pinched me today.
but she's a nice teacher.
she allowed us to slp.
well we're just plain zombies.
let us sleep!

OP OP OP OP OP.
everyone's going crazy because of it.
slides and more slides.
migraine just keeps coming.
ass.

you shd see that bitch man.
her eyes are so fucking scary.
it's lik it's gna pop out anytime.
but dont worry.
no one's gna catch it for her.

she was so fucking mean i swear.
she asked ruben money this funny qn.
"what does yr name mean?"
lik in the first place.
you dont talk to someone you're not familiar w.
plus you ask such a stupid qn.
DUH.
so he just joked and said "HANDSOME"
she took it seriously.
and replied him in a fucking mean way.
"i bet yr parents are disapptd w what they got"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i swear.
after i heard this.
i was so fucking pissed w her!!!!
i've never seen anyone so disgusting before.
first you talk to someone you're not familiar w.
next you attempt to ask a STUPID qn.
(this reveals her lvl of intelligence ahem*)
then you insult that person.
YOU SO DO NOT DO THAT !!!!!
lik c'mon.
bet she kills everyone ard her.
that's no way to socialise.
anw i told money to tell her.
"OH I THINK YR PARENTS SHD COMMIT SUICIDE"

DANG.
what kind of stupid bitch is this?
tsk.
total insult to the word 'bitch'.

i dont get it seriously.
everyone's lik IGNORING her.
she just butts herself in, annoyingly.
she doesnt get the sign, huh?
then she has NO friends.
so she go insult OTHERS?
lik c'mon man.
this is lik so uberly retarded.
no, worse than retarded.
she's a social suicide.
I SWEAR.

if she dares to ask me that.
i would say.
"MY NAME MEANS YOU MUST DIE.
OH AND BURN IN HELL"
asshole.

thot that she's harmless.
after we all outcast her and shit.
she insults OTHERS not frm our class.
this isnt brilliant.
this is FUCKING STUPID.
word spreads.
esp this kinda thing from HER mouth.
tsk.
her reputation is lik shit.

ytd.
she was w her another bunch of friends.
i wonder if they DO adore her.
(i highly doubt so).
i guess her ONLY role there.
is to buy fruits for them, PERIOD.
she was lik ... staring into space?
i dont know.
murali and i concluded.
SHE TALKS TO THE WATERMELON.
fuck.

then today.
when we were doing OP.
she LAUGHED at ppl.
when they were presenting.
C'MON, talk abt being RUDE.
she even TALKED to herself!
i think she's a champion.
in terms of being a fucking retard.
i mean, she talks to herself.
laugh, to herself.
arrange her BANGS herself.
what else can she do?
except being a retard i know.

i know why she's lik that.
hormonal imbalance, yo.
her younger sister.
OR older i do NOT know the details.
is PRETTY, SLIM AND HAS A BOYFRIEND.
she's just the TOTAL OPPOSITE.
oops, sorry.
dint mean to touch that RAW nerve of hers.
oh wait a min.
she has NERVES?
she's human?
WOW.
new discovery.

hormonal imbalance.
cum emotional imbalance.
i swear.
bet her 'FLING' that she mentioned?
was w her sis' boyfriend.
WHILE she imagined she's her sis.
c'mon, how sad can that be?
damn sad.

everytime i see her.
i suffer from internal bleeding.
last week, i felt SO good.
i told her to leav us alone.
SHE DID, DUH.
if not she's gna get it from me.
RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER FACE.

wari and parmes and i.
we were talking abt her in class.
so openly, c'mon.
she wna join in?
BY ALL MEANS.
it's abt HER anw.
tsk.
from what i heard.
she tried to make eye contact w me.
i refused to look at her.
SORRY.
i dont wna spoil my eyes.
and i dont wna see oil oozing.
OOPS.
sorry.

enough of that non-existence ATOM.
not really worth my total attn.

moving on.
nat and i went shopping today!
we went to get donuts first.
as what she said.
NO DONUTS, NO FRIENDSHIP.
so yeah, we hav friendship.
the lemon donut was GOOD!
we were rather funny.
eating it while walking along orchard rd.
but it was quite good.
i mean the lemon one.
the rest are just alright.
not that fantastic tho.

walked ard.
talked abt getting jobs.
well anyone, if you hav job recommendation.
PLS inform me.
we just wna get a job and earn some KACHINGS.

we were damn funny.
skipped taka, went to wisma.
head back to taka.
and head down to far east.
lik to and fro.
-.-
WE VISITED LIPING!!!
oh my gosh i miss her so much.
she's waiting to start her sch.
working as cosmetic salesgirl.
i so miss her.
PS us, go for MDIS.
leav us alone, to suffer.
she said we look damn haggard.
yeah.
what d'you think?
after PROMOS, PW and CHINESE.
dang.
the thing is.
we dont know if we can promote.
zzzz.

oh.
sidetrack a lil.
i dint know bono started product (red).
till daryn's grp presented it.
well it was interesting to know btw.

after walking for so long.
we head home.
was damn tired.
just wna lie down and slp.

this wk seems so long.
tmr's ONLY thurs.
i cant wait for fri seriously.
WE DISMISS AT 11.10!!!!!
no plans yet.
maybe shall head home to slp?
wonder.

2007-10-21T20:54:00.000+08:00

sunday blues.
monday blues.
just blue blue blue.
zzzzzzzz.

there's a stupid chinese test tmr.
baaahhhh.
done w the speech for OP.
slides too.
no inspiration for I&R.
totally NO inspiration.
cant upload the speech to my mail.
wonder what's wrong w hotmail.

er.
sch started on thurs.
there was a frkn 5 hrs of break.
rotted much.
PW lecture.
chinese lecture.
HOME.

dint go home.
went to dua na's hse.
take a gd look at sisi.
she's gna be sold off.
which is today.
so yeah.

met elaine and angeline for dinner.
plus duck and dua na of cos.
saw brinston.
dinner was gd.
went home.
rotted much.
ANTM.
nothing.

fri.
3 hrs of break agn.
breathing exercises in morning.
rather ridiculous actually.
class was damn small.
went for lunch w nat and aloy.
head down to joel's hse.
was damn frustrated doing OP slides.
damn pissed w it.
but finally got it done.

mannalife-ed.
jie clare sent us home.
watched tv.
slept.

sat was spent doing OP.
met the girls at northpoint.
dint get the chance to do mine.
duration of PW meeting.
is equals to hannah's lappy's life.
dang.
went down to amk hub.
walked ard.
rotted much.
head home.
gd sleep on the bus.

i'm shortie.
according to hannah's mom.
so damn throw face.
i'm referred to as shortie.
thanks.

went out to meet duck and dua na.
dinner at chomp chomp.
rotted much.
was trying to think of somewhere to go.
walked to s'gn north.
wna borrow cards etc.
no one's home.
elaine's phone's dead.
what's the phone for.
-.-

rotted at bball court.
went home.
watched tv.
man i feel so gd.
they're all shorter than me.
YES.
for once i can laugh at others.
thanks.

there's lots of things to do today.
dint manage to complete everything.
no inspiration for I&R.
played bridge w cindy alone.
left right left right.
she'll get it.
it was fun.
since there's only two of us.
rather confusing.

dint manage to do lit presentation.
pretty dead for it.
shall do it after sch or something.
argh.
hate it.

hate PW.
really.
frustrating.

i hate sch.
cant even get MC for migraine.
need to be there.
attendance compulsory.
stupid PW.
they're getting rid of it nxt yr.
why are we slogging so hard?
ass.

wna take MC!!!
migraine migraine migraine.
not as if they will allow.

yet to take results.
chinese A's nxt monday.
oh well.

so dead.

2007-10-16T20:49:00.000+08:00

hav spent two days rotting at home.
cousin was over that's why.
well anyway i dont hav any plans made.
guess i can just rot and be a couch.
two days of monopoly was great.
sole winner of the night was me.
it's just a game tho.
wish those money were real.

gna go out w damsel tmr.
thot the rest could come.
in the end, it's just me and her.
oh well.

bored.
tired.
and hate the reopening of sch.

2007-10-13T18:10:00.000+08:00

for the previous post.
i'm really sorry cindy.
guess we're all in a bad mood.
i'm really really sorry.
well dont brood over yr results.
when i get mine, you must comfort me.
it'll then be my turn yeah.
dont worry.
you are not alone.

ytd was out w duck.
she's lik some mad duck.
turned ard and cant see her anymore.
zoom zoom zoom.
rushing lik nobody's business.

shopped.
went to her hse.
then head to elaine's.
then went to meet cindy for bubble tea.
i'm glad she felt better.
decided to stay over at her place.
played bridge the entire night.
watched this show on gymnastics.
talked and i drifted off to slp.

woke up w her mother talking out loud.
then her relatives came.
bathed in freaking cold water.
almost died in there of suffocation.
head down to elaine's cave.
tried to wake her up.
felt so pathetic.
but she did.

forgo pasta meal at marina.
angeline's sick.
poor girl.
hope she's feeling better and all.
takecare!

elaine was rotty.
i was too.
so we head down to amk.
had newyorknewyork.
came back to play monopoly.
i bring dua na luck!
i'm just the banker.
it's more interesting to watch.

not much mood actually.
just feeling rotty.
wna be a couch potato today.
thot we'll hav pasta meal.
but it's alright.
the nxt time!
the entire jiemeis will go.

cindy head dwn to cck.
then angeline's sick at home.
now duck's gone.
after monopolizing the game.
she's the winner for today!
duck is rich.

a bit rotty.
mood's a bit ... weird.
i dont know.

head's been aching forever.
everyday.
hannah said i wont get migraine anymr.
after promos that is.
no, i still get it.
every single fucking night.
killed me before i slp.
been getting sleepless night.
i wonder if i'm human at all.
tired but cant slp.
fantastic.

saw this guy w a lopsided cross.
elaine and i were lik @!$@!$%@%^
but oh well.
forget it.
so NOT cool at all seriously.

shall go home and rot after a while.
seem lik i'm just rotting here.
now promos' over.
shall stay at home and rot.
best.

if i still cant slp well.
i shant go to church tmr.
i really hate it that i cant go.
but i'm lik not talking to them.
cheng en talked to me.
i dint reply him at all.
cldnt be bothered to.

anw head hurts too much every night.
cant really slp at all.
i'm going crazy.
i need a doc.
i need sleeping pills.

popping panadols aint right.
seriously.
i try not to do it.
but i've been doing it.
cos promos, need to slp.
so medicine best.
wahhhh sucks.

i need a doc.
maybe i'm dying soon.
w brain tumour or something.
dont want to die lik that.
super unglam.
but since when am i ever glam?

wna change my hairstyle.
but i wna keep my long hair.
so too bad.
nothing much.
wish i'm lik duck.
decide to chop down the hair.
i wish i cld.
and cut a real cool hair.
but i know i dont suit short hair.
forget it.
rraaaahhhhh.

sian.
gna slp late agn.
and cant wake up agn.
and vicious cycle continue.
shall come rot at elaine's cave tmr.
agn.

wahhhh sucks.

2007-10-12T11:33:00.000+08:00

i felt that i ought to say this.
TO CINDY.
whether you read this or not.
it doesnt matter.
it's causing me a serious migraine.
and i cant slp well at all.
ought to get this out.
make myself feel better.

look, i know yr mood aint good.
ours aint that gd either.
who's can be?
at the thot that we'll be retaining.
it's not easier for us hello.
our sch criteria sucks more.
you know it.
i'm feeling fucking lousy abt it as well.
it doesnt mean that you're the only one.
yr pms is getting .... i dont know.
i dont know how to comprehend.
and am unable to.
seriously.
even duck who doesnt get angry easily.
she got a bit pissed over it as well.
yr constant pms.
I DONT KNOW.
argh.
yr reply this morning was just ...
i msged you.
told you if you are feeling better.
come join us!
we alr set this date long ago.
if you dont hav the money.
fine, we can lend you!
isnt it more impt.
to hav a meal tgthr w jiemeis as a whole?
even angeline's going.
why not?!
plus the stayover thing.
we alr set it at yr place.
watch DVDs throughout the night.
RMB THAT?
now you just tell us you dont.
i mean it's okay.
cos you're feeling lousy.
but yr reply this morning was ...
say that we're gna enjoy ourselves.
take lots of pictures.
be on our blogs.
pictures on friendsters.
c'mon, you think too much.
seriously.
you can be a part of this.
why are you being so sarcastic abt it?
i dont undrstd.
and i'm sorry for being unable to.

friendship.
our so many yrs of friendship.
it comes along w COMPROMISE.
we giv in whenever anyone's in a bad mood.
with yr constant pms.
i giv in, we gav in.
still, it doesnt seem enough.

i dont know what's our position in yr heart.
seriously.
the last time regarding yr eye infection?
you'd rather hav bird w you.
make it sound lik we dont care.
we DO okay.
we asked if you wanted us to visit.
you said no no no.
we've been friends for YEARS.
cant you just mean what you say?!
do you hav to do such things?
say no and then say we dont care.
it's better to hav fairweather friends.
okay that incident pissed me off.
who says we dont?
i fucking hell do alright.
giving in to yr moodswings.
i know we all do hav them.
does it mean you or anyone can hav more?

you see.
once you get pms.
the entire mood of the grp depends on you.
if you're in a bad mood.
everyone's affected.
dont you see the logic behind this?

the last time.
you said we hav decided on things w/o you.
assuming you're always w bird.
hello.
sat IS bird day.
that's why we dont hang out.
it was miscommunication.
we know that.
but can you dont get so pms-y?

you tried to balance b/w us and him.
we dont mind his existence at all.
the other time when we go study tgthr.
you brought him along.
i dint say no right!
i still took the first step to say hi.
even tho the response is just ...
i dint say anything!

right now.
it seems to me.
that perhaps he mean a bit more impt to you.
we wldnt mind.
but it's a bit ... to say that we dont care.
and that he does and all.

fine.
just go to him.
it's enf right.

i feel helluva fucking lousy.
gets migraine everytime.
hav bad days everytime.
do i expect ppl to come care?
CONSTANTLY?
no!

after promos ytd.
i cld hav gone to celebrate.
instd i went to find you guys.
why?
cos you said you're not in a gd mood.
i know.
that's why i went right!
when i went.
yr mood is still bad.
i undrstd.
but it affected my mood too.
but i dint say anything.

i hav thousand and things on my mind.
i wna say ... yet i dont know how.
lost the ability to.
you might be pissed after reading this.
i dont giv a fuck seriously.
we gav in, done what we could.
if you think.
we're some fairweather friends.
forget it.
fuck it.

lost for words.
seriously.
i'm sorry cindy.
but seriously.
all these is so fucked up.

CAN YOU STOP HAVING CONSTANT PMS?
i know you cant help it.
but try pls.
i'm getting so @#Q%@$^@$^$5

i'm mourning too.
but i dont expect any concern.
if you want concern.
just turn to bird.
it's easy for you.

for us, perhaps yr fairweathered friends.
i'm sorry.
perhaps you cant get that.

FUCK.

2007-10-11T19:59:00.000+08:00

LIBERATION!!!!

wahhh that definitely smells good.
it's even better than after O's.
tho O's was longer and more subs.
but seriously, you wldnt undrstd.

i was a bit lost for poetry.
lik a lost child, confusing myself as i write.
i suck at poetry seriously.
-.-

whatever.
it's all over.
tho i was shouting for joy.
deep inside i know i'm not glad.
AT ALL!
cos well, i wld definitely suck at it.

going to sch wasnt that lucky either.
well as prunella and i were too engrossed.
we forgot abt the bell.
ended up at the int. -.-
it's a lil awkward, going to sch w her.
but guess that's alright.
really pity her for having to stand lowell.
if possible.
the entire 2006 HIHS sec 4 will stone him.

the way of celebrating my end of torture.
was a bit ... i dont know.
dua na cant spell for peanuts sake.
cindy was a bit bored and all.
i feel dead too.
came home early and mom asked why.

NO CELEBRATION LAAAAAAA.
simple as that.
anw not worth celebrating.
the thot of retaining is hell.
dont wna think abt it.

going out w beloved duck tmr!
okay that's worth looking forward to.
cutting my hair after months as well.

overall i'm just a big screw up.
during this period of time.
i feel lik my world revolve ard promos.
was really glad that limin still rmb me.
as for amanda, that's a gone case alr.
she's damn capable for not talking to ppl.
FOR YEARS OKAY.
so i believe she'll do that to me.
fine.
screw that 4 yrs of friendship.
i tried, but too bad.
forget it.

zy's so damn random i swear.
he suddn comes talking to me.
asking me not to enlist to NS.
i'm lik -.-
I CANT RUN LA FOR GOD'S SAKE.
that so sucks.

if i still hav a future in JC nxt yr.
IF I STILL HAVE THATIS.
i will go get a PMC.
i swear.

so demoralised all of a sudden.
nothing helps seriously.
perhaps millions of dollars will.
i cant feel so depressed.
if i'm depressed, i'll spent.
LIK REALLY SPEND.
so it's unnecessary.
RRRRAAAAAAHHHHH.

it's not a gd sign when i'm not rich.
ass.

simxuelin, you dont see a future at all.
pray then.
God bless me.
that's all i can say.
i mean i prayed.
said everything i could.
repeated words even.
just say "i helluva wna promote"
now i'm left w no words.
speechless.

just pray that i get God's grace.

shall go mourn for days.
while enjoying 6 fucking days of hols.
how does that sound?
DONT WNA TOUCH NOTES AT ALL!
cant burn them awy.
ASS.

@#!%#%&#*#%^@$%@$&
feeling super cranky now.

2007-10-11T11:07:00.000+08:00

changed my mind.
decided to cont blogging here.
lazy to tell jiemeis i've changed it.
anw my life is just circled ard jiemeis.
it's a good thing of cos.
my social circle is shrinking.
but who gives a shit.
right now, future is at stake!
i'll go enlist myself for NS ltr aftr lit.
yes, cindy was laughing when i told her.
but c'mon, i mean it!
she say i'll be too small.

true.
nirmal and aloy had a gd laugh over that.
saying that dont know what is taller than me.
I INSIST I'M TALL!

lit ltr.
must thank dear cindy for her help.
our sch seriously sucks big time.
dont hav time to elaborate on that.

papers come and go quickly.
it was such a huge blow on me ytd.
shall blog when i get back.

antony and cleopatra, here i come!

2007-10-08T14:56:00.000+08:00

today is the day i test OUR alliance.
the alliance b/w me and my manstress -
ECONOMICS -.-

dreading the day of promos seriously.
it finally came!
was trying to cram stuff into my head.
apparently it FAILED.
was utterly sleepy and all.

IT'S ECONS PAPER HELLOOOOO.
so damn fucking scared.
actually, we were nvr in alliance.
tried and attempted to date -
BUT FAILED!
i cant even hav a r/s w a subject!
what a failure.

the paper was ... okay?
i dont know.
i hope i did well.
i OUGHT to do well but oh well.
it's hard to say.
case study was alright.
oligopoly, mdm kee's fave word.

first thing i saw for the essay -
strike OUT elasticity.
i dint even study that.
just flipped thru.
i HATE that chap.
price theory - /:
i undrstd why i HATE econs.
thanks to our lecturer.
PLUS the price theory chap.
zzzzz.
application aint easy, yo.

i feel a lil accomplished.
knowing my stuff.
but that doesnt mean i can APPLY.
it's a diff thing altgthr, yo.
wonder if it's a gd sign.

one down, 3 to go!

had lunch w my beloveds.
xuanqi kiahwee and long.
it's been quite a while eh.
reminisce a lil here and there.
miss sec sch days.

which reminds me -
this coming fri is GRAD CEREMONY!
not MINE, my kids.
i miss them, helluva lot.
wonder if they're doing fine and all.
mugging hard for promos and stuff.
well i'm busy.
bet they are too.
well i miss them.
wonder if they will miss their ahgong.

my phone wallpaper makes me miss them.
it's a picture of mickey.
sitting at the soccer field.
really nice picture.
soccer field - brings back memories.
fun ones of cos.
hanging out w my kids WERE always fun.
WERE cos it's the past.
it's weird.
seeing a sec 4 me.
hanging out w sec 3 them.
it's a fun thing i guess.
c'mon.
everyone mugs hard for O's.
go home everyday after sch.
leaving me to rot by myself.
looking for my kids is a joy.
relieve some decomposition.
i'm glad i spent my last yr w them.
it was pure FUN and LAUGHTER.
craziness every single day.
AWESOME.

now.
i'm in JC, all the way at YISHUN.
they're at hougang, no longer that close.
wonder what will bring them tgthr agn.
shall go attend their grad ceremony
afterall, i'm their ahgong.
going back as a diff identity.
no longer a student, an outsider.
i cant say i LOVE hihs that much.
but i adore my friends in there.
SELECTIVE teachers in there.
it's been great pleasure to know them.

why am i feeling so nostalgic?
must be the rain.

i miss the ppl i know from HIHS.
be it from sec 1 - sec 4.
sadly i lost contact w quite a bit of them.
chose YJC cos of long etc.
no regrets, friends are impt.
tho they're all in science classes.
at least we see each other everyday.
it's an effort made.
to make this friendship work.
it's worth it.
they're really nice ppl.

losing touch w ppl.
circle of friends are smaller now.
just jiemeis and long etc.
classmates .. i dont know alr.
now i dont even go to church.
after promos i will.
but the feeling of going back -
i dont know, feels a bit distant.
actually, i'm not really close to them.
guess it's alright.
their age aint my age ppl, yo.
i sound lik some old man, i am.

nothing matters now.
i just wna PROMOTE!!!!
it's lik i've nvr studied in my entire life.
i cant say i mugged lik shit for this.
but at least i MUGGED, a lil.
so i guess it aint so bad?
i dont know.
only results can prove things.
but screw it man.
marks dont determine my intelligence.
it just shows my blank-out-ness.
argh.
i hate the mental blocks during exams.
totally suck!

okay.
gna go date my husband hist.
math . . . i dread it.
totally failed to date it.
guess we're just not meant to be.
tsk.

God, i helluva wna promote.
i surrender my papers to you.
i need a miracle.
PLEASE.

2007-10-01T20:24:00.003+08:00

God, i need a miracle.
i so wna do well for promos.
AND PROMOTE.
that's the MOST impt thing.

i DO need a miracle.

2007-10-01T20:07:00.000+08:00

SCREW PROMOS.
seriously.
i'm getting all the butterflies alr.
it's coming in less than 1 wk's time.
LESS THAN ONE WK!
damnit.

last wk was hellish for me.
not to mention it's full of PW.
stayed back till wee hrs to complete it.
ALL ALONE.
the feeling sucks seriously.
but it's done anw.
thank God for that.

borrowed marker from stranger X.
i must say we hav nice ppl in sch.
so that's the humane side of YJ.

anw screw PW.
now it's promos.

today's children's day.
met up w cindy and her bird.
pretty weird but oh well.
guess it's alright.

tmr's GP and chinese pp.
ahhh hate chinese now.
total of 6 hrs gna be rotted awy.
-.-
the thot of it makes me sick seriously.

forgot what last wk's all abt.
short term memory, yo.
i just know that thr's weird ppl ard.
adding some weird comment.
that person must be damn bored.
lock you awy?
hell yeah.
asylum perhaps?

stupid dua na.
told her friends we are demanding.
c'mon.
it's all for her own gd.
her life is scrwd if she flunk now.
ass.

overall, my wk ended in a bored note.
ytd was just ....
slept super late.
i mean, EARLY.
supposed to go see a chinese doc.
DINT GO.
bridged awy my sunday.
feeling so ... WASTED !
alright forget it.

everyone's ending their promos.
ours starts nxt wk.
by thurs my agony will be over.
liberty will return.

never was liberated but nvm.

baaahhhhh.
bored lik hell and no sense of motivation

2007-09-26T20:59:00.000+08:00

just finished some editing for WR.
damnit seriously.
it's killing every single brain cells.
sucking every drop of blood out.
ask ard, everyone says the same thing.

i feel rather disgusted right now.
c'mon, it's not gna get me swayed.
the hormonal lvl = 0 hello.
of all it ppl it came from ...
jiemeis will know anw.
i'm lik -.-
okay not worth mentioning.

promos are coming!!!!!
nxt tues' the killer lang papers.
it's lik a total of 6 hrs.
doing GP then chinese.
bet it's gna kill even more brain cells.
goodness.

okay.
went to sch late.
duckass too.
poor duckie.
she had her ballet exam ytd.
dint land properly and PLOP.
she injured her feet.
she's officially a lame duck.

migraine so went to sch late.
feels gd actually, going late.
shd do that instd of getting MCs.
way better.
yr attendance is still there.

went to sch during the break time.
was talking to jeslyn and jessica.
we were lik cursing and swearing.
i mean it's true.
we come to a JC.
get exposed to all sorts of vulgarities.
believe me.
we'll graduate learning all those.

cursing and swearing.
i'm trying to cut dwn on that.
but econs lecture made me increase it.
i mean, cant be helped.
you'll undrstd what i mean.

hist tutorial was gd.
mr lim is really funny and all.
he's a great teacher.
i think.

chinese was pure stone.
seriously.

went to see mr g. for WR after sch.
seeing big bangs made me sick.
no, makes me sick.
still am sick.
disgusted by the thot of her.
even the CO2 she exhale is poisonous.

she said excuse me to me just now.
i almost died really.
i mean, c'mon.
you shd just squirm lik a worm.
wriggle thru the small gap.
if not, dont talk to me in that tone.
asswipe.

wari so wna slap her.
go ahead!
go go go!
just now, i was just tellin parmes.
i'm glad i'm not short fat w big hips.
it has a hidden meaning to it.
for i repeatedly say it a few times.
but think her ear aint gd.
or her skin's too thick.
hence she cldnt catch that.
responsiveness = 0

lvl of interest bitching abt her = 100.

weiwei sucks.
he doesnt rmb my birthday.
to think i adore him so much.
rmbd his bday at the back of my hands.
ungrateful jiemei.
HUH.
stupid weiwei.
i'm his groundbreaker, yo!
how can there be no info abt me in WR?
ass.

weiwei just broke my heart.
tsk.

anw.
that's not that impt.
a long day tmr.
had a quick chat w mr ong just now.
SUPER -.- really.

i'm bored.
trying hard not to listen to monster's convo.
it's so ....
dry.

nothing interesting.
big bangs dint disturb me.
she disturbed vin etc.
good luck to them man.

2007-09-25T20:40:00.000+08:00

shall do a quick blogging.

ytd was a super long day.
woke up w a bad sign : migraine.
damnit right.
went to sch and rotted for 1.5hrs.
chinese and all those crap.
2.5 hrs of break thanks to GP.
mr g. went for a course apparently.
praise the Lord!

it wasnt very well spent.
i cld hav studied or smthg.
but no, i dint.
just chatted w classmates and all.
guess it's pretty worth it.
afterall, it's bonding time.
w no big bangs ard.
WORLDPEACE.

smthg really funny happnd.
i was DEAD during math.
after math i was just sleeping.
listening to vin's conversation's hilarious.
it totally perked me up.

mama asked why big bangs.
"why aint you w wari etc anymr?"
after a long while, she replied.
"i feel left out there"

GOODNESS!
she actually feels that way?!
i'm so amazed seriously.
cant she sense she's not welcomed?
anywhere actually.
TSK.

nxt.
they asked her abt her past.
if she did hav a boyfriend befr.
her ans was surprisingly "YES"
on a quick note, she said it's a FLING.

OMG.
pls.
befr that i was laughing lik mad alr.
when vin said the FLING part.
i totally lost it.
laughed so hard and so loud.
that i fell off my chair.
resulting in a broken chair.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
i swear it's damn funny.

obviously.
went to share my JOY w daryn.
i'm sure everyone wld love to hear this.

i must seriously thanks agnes and mr leong.
was feeling so scrwd up for PW.
then went to tell feng abt it.
agnes heard abt it.
called mr leong and asked.
he did went thru ours.
telling us stuff in greater details.
emphasising on the right things.
nevertheless, tell us things we dont know.
thank God for his help.
if not we wld be utterly screwed.
word limit can kill alright.

today.
woke up w a migraine once agn.
utterly bad but i hav no choice.
hav to go to sch for WR.
damnit right.

no PE for me.
eyes cld barely open so i slept.
woke up feeling super dead.
big bangs came to disturb me.
telling me where's lit class.
i mean yeah it's nice of her.
but still i just woke up.
cranky and all.
stoned a hell lot.

died during lit.
parmes did a great job.
she revived me.
i think they are just awesome.
did a great job and all.
i bet i'm gna flop for it.
definitely.
not even prepared for it at all.

econs today was HORRIBLE.
i just feel lik WAHHHH.
bitch.

she complained abt our bad english.
look who's talking?
the biggest irony in the world.
HUR-HUR.
super funny.
she called our class.
called jocelyn or smthg.
i shouted out "no jocelyn"
and unlucky enf, she called me.
DANG.

so i answered her qn.
well it wasnt my ans.
i dont even know what am i supposed to say.
she crossed out my sentence.
saying that it's utter rubbish.
the nxt moment.
THE SCREEN WENT BLANK.
i was lik "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
it just shows that God's on my side.
helping me even if my ans' wrong.

there monster goes agn.
telling me i shd go poly.
can he stop being such a bastard.
seriously.
screw yourself, asshole.
if you're that smart, go poly now.
tsk.

anw.
pt is : econs lecture was a joke.
she's the joke, w/o realising it.
i mean, c'mon.
the biggest irony.
infruencing us w her bad engrish.
get what i mean?
tsk.

rotted awy in the library.
w GREAT progress you see.
stupid computers are damn retarded.
managed to finish it.
rushed for math.
he's not even here.
we're lik so happy.
but we're all damn sleepy.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

damn tiring.
the slp back home was gd.
damn refreshing but still.
oh well.

another long day tmr.
zzzz.
CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-09-20T21:03:00.001+08:00

decided to take a break frm WR.
looking at those delicious lollies makes me drool.
temptations are high here hello.
to hav them is not possible.
so forget abt looking.

i think we're pretty screwed.
looking at other references:
HELLUVA DEMORALISING.
they hav done so much work.
so detailed and all.
we're just fulfilling the basics, yo.
it's due TMR and i'm still here.
dont wna get a C and be a loser.
wna get at least a B here, yo.
-.-

a bit lost at what to do.

dint go to sch today due to migraine.
once agn this is totally NOT new.
my parents actually gav up on me.
nothing new abt that as well.

the doc said i'd better be careful.
if i feel dizzy and all those weird shit.
i'd better go see a doc immediately.
might be bleeding in the brain.
i just 'orh' and walk out.
and yes i hav a super stiff neck.

the aftrnn was spent rotting.
it's supposed to be resting.
oh well, it's abt the same i guess.

should change my sitting posture.
just when i'm typing this.
i'm slouching once again.
how ironic -.-

monster's an ass seriously.
he gets irritated by the slightest things.
it's hard to please him.
my mom said.
my dad's handsome in the past.
why doesnt he look lik dad?
plus.
he's disgusting.
that's what my mom said in chinese.
I SO TOTALLY AGREE.

no wonder he has no girlfriend.
not that i'm any prettier than him.
but i dare say i am prettier.
cos monster is just monster.
at least imma terrorist, human form.
yeah.

monster's a bitch.
yes imma bastard.
i'm known for the lethal vicious mouth.
born and trained.
what to do?
when you're arguing w monster.
since YOUNG.
you'll be toughened up, trained alr.
he's better than me.
if i'm lethal, he's deadly.
or perhaps we both are.
just that he's a lvl higher.
yeah.

dont mess ard w us.

that's why i'm suffering under him.
still suffering, not as bad as last time.
thank God for that.

wna talk abt smthg really impt.
but im busy doing WR.
shall talk abt it another day.

back to work.
dang.

2007-09-19T19:57:00.000+08:00

blogging at hg pt now.
so random yes i know.
dua na's just sitting beside me, yo!
she frkn failed her ss.
shant say the mark cos it's damn throw face.
tsktsk.
she SHD mug really hard.
burn her ass off or something.
dua na are you listening?
she nodded.

end of story 1.

i finally see angeline!
it's such a long time alr yo.
dua na said "same as me, yo!"
yeah we all know the story.

today was a frkn busy day.
busy doing WR and all.
the library's infested w lots of ppl.

what did i do ytd?
PE in the morning was crap seriously.
reason being: we hav to run 6 rnds.
duck gets to go awy w an excuse.
i ran 2 rounds and went to shit.
must be the chicken wing at work.
told mom i cldnt eat it alr.
tsk.

i suffer from insomnia really.
cldnt really slp and all.
not becos of excitement tho.
because i cant slp really.

we dint do anything for PW ytd.
was rotting and stoning at the library.
dint do anything at all.
he dint say anything.

today's econs lecture was funny.
ms koh is entertaining seriously.
she said "dont wait for me to flash"
and all of a sudden.
the entire audi is filled w laughter.
she said we're thinking dirty thots.
no pls.
we wldnt wna see her flash.
dont wna wait too.
super hilarious.

hist lecture was boring today.
-.-
sorry mr ong.
i really wna fall aslp.
almost did but dint.
mr lim's better.
well i know it's bad to compare.
but oh well.

GP ytd was hellish.
i fell aslp whilst doing the paper.
it's a test, sort of.
so i cant wait to shut my eye lid.
went to the toilet.
walked down to drink water.
loitered ard.
went back and do it.
-.-

utter sad life.

nothing interesting happened.
i was super cranky this morning.
due to the lack of slp and all.
BUT, tht bitch is SMART.
she knows how to see my mood.
whenever i'm cranky, she dont disturb me.
whenever i'm not, she comes.
wah damnit.
i was waiting for her to come talk to me.
so i can just shout at her.
but the thing is, she dint!
so oh well.
ass.

let me digress a lil.
angeline's seriously SICK.
she wants sisi to lick her.
when she's so smelly and all.
ass.

anw.
back.
during break this aftrnn.
she came over to our table.
we were conversing in chinese.
i did confuse feng but oh well.
then we talked abt cooking pork.
it's an allusion actually.
hopes she understands chinese.

anw.
just now hannah told us something funny.
she said smthg abt that bitch.
super hilarious.

okay.
now angeline wants to go up and bathe.
-.-

nothing interesting happened.
xuanqi was scared by hongli.
hahaha.
super funny scene.

i haven do my lit oral presentation.
dont even hav time to do it.
dont know how to do it even.

angeline's an ass.
she kept disturbing me.

shall go do hist.

2007-09-17T21:07:00.000+08:00

MONDAY BLUES.
lik so predictable.
-.-

okay.
the weekends were seriously UNPRODUCTIVE.
did nothing except lazing ard.
cindy convinced me to meet them ytd.
guess what?
GIRLS TALK.
dint even do much.
-.-

dua na brought her cousin's dog over.
sisi's her name yeah.
poor dog.
she made her walk all the way.
FRM HOUGANG TO S'GN.
gosh.
no wonder she's hyperventilating.

cindy's mom was hilarious.
said that sisi looks ugly.
and that ppl who own dogs?
will end up looking lik dogs.
that's lik pretty weird.
but oh well, mom's theory.

walked ard.
went off to hav dinner.
they dint hav my phone there.
so we went back to sengkang's.
guess what?
i almost sweared in front of that woman.
what the hell.
their plans are just screwed up.
monster aint a student anymr.
so i cant hav a student plan.
yada yada yada.
bullshit.

so i got a new line.
-.-
i am strongly against it.
but oh well.
what to do.
zzzz.
hate M1.
if not for their student plan.
i wldnt even consider M1.
damnit.

new no.
dont lik 9 so it's 8 still.
yeah.

today is just another boring day.
not to mention i woke up feeling grouchy.
first i tossed and turned till 2plus.
then i cldnt find a safety pin.
cursed and sweared.
then i cldnt wear my contacts.
cursed and sweared agn.
went out of the hse feeling lik a mess.
hav always been a mess anyway.
bad hair day and all.
BAD START.

chinese paper dint make it better.
it was quite tough really.
fell aslp after the paper.
frkn cold seriously.
ass.

chinese for 3 hrs.
cant wait to get out of class.
she loves to go at bullet speed.
ZOOM.

thousand and one breaks.
WR full of red marks and all.
math w constant PMS.
wonder what's wrong seriously.

supposed to get back WR.
went to get it - NOT THERE.
not surprising.

CT was FUN.
mr lim's really damn funny.
he's a nice guy and all.
pretty open abt certain stuff.
guess that's what makes him gd.
his lectures are better too.
hmmm.

rotted ard.
celebrated boon peng's birthday.
no lighted candles as usual.
oh well.

library-ed.
rotted and here i am.
dinner was chicken wing.
note:
simxuelin cant take chicken wing.
results in : DIARRHOEA.
yeah it happened.
anw that's another story.

PE tmr.
lots of crap.
ends super late.
bother.

2007-09-15T21:15:00.001+08:00

it's a boring sat seriously.
became a couch potato the entire day.

fridays are really good.
we end lik super early.
it's a good day for me cos no MIGRAINE.

GP flew past really quickly.
it's amazing seriously.
normally an hr would seem lik a decade.
survived thru it.
W HIM FORGETTING OUR ESSAYS.
we're such geniuses to run off.

ms tan's in a pretty good mood.
i lik lit tutorials.

went off for lunch w NAT.
pastamania-ed.
walked ard and felt really lazy.
dint wna go back to sch today.
so we've decided NOT TO.
fantabulous decision.

on a sad note:
no confrontation today.

she went off lik straight after sch.
BY HERSELF.
save the world!

maybe she knows that she shdnt stick to us.
so she went to bug steph etc.
they just ignored her as usual.
just cant stand her face seriously.
sometimes or most of the time,
it's CROSS EYED.

yesyes.
the conviction, the sympathy i ought to hav.
what happen to humanity, yo?!
too bad, it disappeared the min she appeared.
rolls eyes-

actually.
there would be NO confrontation.
IF she dont come and bug us.
dont dare me to confront her.
i would definitely do it.
it's GUTS that i DONT lack.
tsk.

so it's a warning once agn.
DONT STEP ON MY TOES.
i swear i'll make yr life hell.

it takes a bitch to handle a bitch.
i dont mind being bitchy.

went off to joel's hse.
was narrating to cheng en abt it.
i sound damn evil and all.
but it doesnt really matter.

mannalife-ed.
very lil ppl turned up.
we ended really early.
this is the FIRST time i guess.
hang ard and played w my game.
watched ghost whisperer before leaving.
nothing much actually.
just ROUTINE ROUTINE ROUTINE.

woke up near 2.
such a pig i know.
surprisingly.
mr ganesh dint call any of us.
asking why we are not present and all.
we're almost done w it, yo!
giv us a break yeah.
look thru it.
we'll look for him nxt wk.

became a couch potato.
no motivation or whatsoever at all.
guess the tv and sofa's too attractive.
filed my stuff and just rot there.
i hate my day.

but on a happier note:
i hav no migraine.
PLUS i am happy rotting.

oh yeah.
was talking to wanping earlier on.
WHAT THE FUCK.
that bitch is worse than our class's.

i just felt real back for wanping.
being backstabbed and all.
girls are just born bitches i guess.
backstabbing, jealousy all in one.
that's why i'd rather be born a male.
but it's not up to me to decide anyway.

in the first place.
if YOU wna backstab someone.
make sure you're smart enf to do it.
seriously, she lacks a hell lot of brains.

firstly.
i dont see anything wrong w wanping.
i've known her for YEARS.
you barely know her.
and you backstab her.
saying all those mean things abt her.
dont you hav a guilty conscience?
oh i forgot.
being a bitch, you DONT.
obviously.
you've never spelled 'REPENT'.
and dont believe in 'KARMA'.

nxt,
i dont see anything wrong w yuanlin.
similarly.
i've known her for YEARS.
she aint a busybody lik you said.
if she is, would i still be friends w her?
if she's that bad.
would my mouth NOT shoot her?
c'mon.
you are lucky you're not in my class.
or else you're gna be shot to death.
W/O YOU EVEN KNOWING.

dont challenge me.
i'm so gna win.
definitely.

oh yeah.
let me digress a lil.
to make a class united.
you must first hav a public nemesis.

okay back to this bitch.
i think she's worse than a bitch.

i know i know.
i'm always not ard for band pract.
might say that i'm finding excuses.
but i DO hav dental appt.
and FYI, i hav BRACES on.
if you think it's NOT PAINFUL at all.
go fix braces and try playing.
see how you feel abt that?

anw.
to you, my presence is insignificant.
if you wna say such things abt me?
say it in my face.
everyone talks a lot.
but i've never seen anyone lik you.

you backstabbed the whole world.
feigning ignorance.
c'mon, hav some dignity.
stand up and speak up.
say you're the one who did it.
you're the one who framed wanping.
guess what?
no one's on yr side.

HUR-HUR.
i am so NOT surprised.
go complain to yr beau.
who's blinded by yr vicious words.
he's just too innocent to doubt you.
it's true that love's blind.
that's why HE's blinded by you.

even if you see this.
which i doubt.
or perhaps you might.
chances are:
you wont confront me.
i dare you to.

if you wna pick a fight.
dont pick simxuelin.

to handle such ppl.
you dont hav to be nice.
i am not lik wanping.
so soft hearted and all.
so nice and all to even be yr friend.
i am so GLAD.
that i am NOT even close to you.

ever thot that you were nice.
guess i'm just a retard to believe it.
appearances are just a facade.
you can cry at anytime you want.
but those are just fucking croc tears.
it doesnt matter if others are blinded.
or fooled by you.
bet yr intestines will eat themselves out.

dont you hav a conscience at all?
i do feel bad and feel the guilt there.
do you? i dont think so.
bet you're just born w/o it.
i never ever say that i'm the greatest.
i dare to admit my mistakes.
do you?
do you dare to face up to convictions?
no i dont think.

dont always think you'll get yr ways.
nothing is ever fair in this world.
it might work for you, right now.
where you're still acting lik nothing happened.
tell you what, one fine day.
you will be convicted.
you will get the same treatment.
be prepared for it.

i am prepared for mine.
i know i aint nice to rio and all.
i know i will be punished somewhat.
i know i've sinned and i'm wrong.
i will repent, and exercise tolerance.

WILL YOU EVER?

i've nvr met someone lik you.
in terms of being a bitch, i lose to you still.
d'you even hav a heart to begin with?
i doubt so seriously.

dont step on my toes directly.
i swear you'll suffer.
this is call doing justice to the world.
if you step on my toes.
i'll make you pay.
pay for what you did to wanping.

dont be such a motherfucking bitch.

i was pissed just now.
damn pissed when i was told the story.
appalled and filled w angst.
they cant even do anything against her.
they're all so helpless.
if they confront her.
she's gna just deny everything.
never seen such an ass before.

i dare say rio's better.

i only hope her beau has big eyes.
OPEN UP YR EYES WIDER.
look CAREFULLy.
beware.
for she's fatal.

she might backstab you one day.
or maybe she alr did.
who knows.
for she backstabs EVERYONE.

i dont care if she bitches abt me.
just leav those nice ppl alone.
they're not called my friends for nothing.
they are nice that's why they're friends.
dont think you ever experienced friendship.
cos you know what?
you're NOT fit to even hav it.

fuck off.
really.

if possible,
i'll make you swallow yr words.
dont choke.

okay.
end of the story.
she's glad i'm not so lethal, YET.
just wait.
just you wait.

okay.
tmr's sunday.
sunday blues.
dont lik to go to sch.
especially when promos are near.
not even sure where to start.
guess i'm pretty dead.

for math, i'm not gna make it.
really.

well.
take a step at a time.

sudden craving for icecream.
here i come!

2007-09-12T20:33:00.000+08:00

craving for some follow up?

once again.
the huge gorilla has invaded planet simxuelin.
trespassing IS a serious offence.
tho i swore to shoot her.
it dint take effect today.
tolerance is still at work, yo.

char asked me this interesting qn.
"what's wrong w rio???"
so i started taking a DEEP breath.
warned her:
once i start, i'm NOT gna stop.
it's a LONG story.
as long as our trains times 12.

today's story happened in the canteen.
we're having our beloved break, yo.
all of us squeezed into one table.
(tho there are PLENTY ard us).
reason being:
we wna EXCLUDE her.
but still, she approached us.
saying that she wna SQUEEZE w us.
first thot that came to my mind:
"fuck off, bitch!"
second thot that came:
"look at yr size. can you squeeze?"

feeling utterly disgusted and horrified.
i've decided to shift myself away.
cant bear to see her face during break.
might just die on the spot.
due to muscular convulsion on the face.
expression showing: HORROR.

during that 1 hr break.
parmes and the rest left early.
they're a bunch of smart ppl.
they spoke in tamil.
a language that she DONT understand.
brilliant arent they?

nxt she decided to target another table.
obviously she aint gna disturb nat and aloy.
so we became the easiest, nearest target.
no way is she gna join nirmal etc.
they wont let her anyway.

once she came over.
i thot of a brilliant plan.
PLAN E.
E = EVIL.
but feng dint know that.
so she walked off.
so plan e failed.

i walked off to the toilet.
we were bitching abt her.
then here comes the gorilla!
gosh i had a shock.
i wished i was inside the cubicle.
then we can cont bitching.
comes out and "oops sorry".
that would be totally bitchy.
but NO i wasnt urgent.
so this bitchy thot burst.

feng said that this is her FIRST time.
being so mean to someone and all.
hey, her tolerance is way higher.
so yeah you can imagine.
how detestable she is.
gosh.

let me remind viewers once again.
i cant stand her since MARCH.
probably the start of sch.
just that i dint dare to tell anyone.
told parmes tho.
but she wna practice tolerance.
she believe in karma you see.
anyway it doesnt matter to me.
cos she's sticking to parmes anyway.
till THEY HINTED.

i mean yeah.
she's pathetic and all.
felt quite bad for her and all.
no friends etc.
she just had to be thick skinned.
stick to us and never let us go.
sounds lik a leech huh.
wish i could set her ass on fire.

so she sat all ALONE.
throughout the entire break.
feng and i were just walking ard.
NEVER wanting to settle down there.

the climax comes next.
we head down to the audi for econs.
i alr guessed that she's gna sit beside me.
place her smelly ass there.
so, i did something real mean.
placed my $150 adidas bag beside me.
it deserve a seat, doesnt it?
so she has NO choice.
cant voice her OBJECTION.
so she SUBJECTED herself to this.
sitting ALONE w no one.

i know, i know
i'm gna suffer retribution for being mean.
perhaps be lonely or something.
but c'mon, i'm not the only one.
tho i might be the most vicious one.

this tells us the moral of the story:
NEVER step on my toes.
i'll make you sorry, i swear.

so there was SILENCE.
just me and my bag and feng beside me.
isnt that absolutely wonderful?
PERFECT!

that's all for today folks.
hope you guys enjoyed the story.
even if no one reads this.
it's alright w me!
cos i can admire my masterpieces.
yes yes indeed.

duck,
promote the shoot rio programme, yo.

let me just talk abt my day.
spoiled majorly due to HER.
rolls eyes-

ms tan's lecture was fun today.
she's in a GOOD mood.
she attempted to sing.
which was pretty hilarious.

after sch, we thot we had to stay back.
mr ganesh aint in sch so oh well.
wasted.
so i went to talk to the drink stall uncle!
man he's damn cartoon alright.
totally funny and all.
really nice uncle we hav ard.
chatted w him for quite some time.
headed off w nat.
natnatnatnatnat!
the fate is sealed, predestined.
okay damn cliche.

we hav everything tmr.
except lit.
i'd rather hav lit than hist.
tutorial for 1.5 hrs w mr ong.
a debate that i nvr prepared.
fantabulous eh.

i love fridays.
i wna eat subway!

2007-09-11T21:02:00.000+08:00

i officially declare her the pest of pests.
argh ):<

i seriously cannot understand something.
WHY ARE SOME PPL SO THICKSKINNED?
or rather, they choose to be ignorant?
oblivious to what hints others might drop.
living in self-denial that 'oh im well-liked'.
cant SHE just open her eyes and see?
oh wait a second.
she HAS big eyes.
in fact, it's huge to the extent of popping.
argh!

parmes and wari made it damn clear to her.
she caught the hint and moved on.
sadly, she moved on to US.
we ARE nice ppl, but not to HER.
we can tolerate her occasionally.
w her butting herself in daily.
GOSH, I'M GOING CRAZY.

i swear i'm gna ask her to fuck off.

true, i might sound lik a total bitch.
freaking mean and all.
cant i see she's damn pathetic.
poor thing and all.
w no friends.
i should just tolerate her.

BUT SADLY.
my tolerance lvl is freaking low.
perhaps the lowest amongst them.
i'm sorry for this low tolerance.
but i cant control it you see.

thot the hint was super huge today.
saw her approaching.
immediately, legs stretched out.
asked me if she can move my bag.
a straight NO smacked at her face.

i try to exercise tolerance.
but that doesnt mean i'll stop being a bitch.
she's a bigger one anyone.
in terms of size and all.
bet duck will agree w me on this.

i wish she'll see my blog.
perhaps she'll know i'm talking abt her.
but i dont think she will.
parmes said she's tuned out abt herself.

i swear once agn i will ask her to fuck off.
IF she sticks to us and irritates me.
which is lik an everyday thing.

DO NOT allow myself,
to have the slightest sympathy for her.
NO.

RIO, I'LL BE WAITING TO SHOOT YOU.

2007-09-10T21:10:00.001+08:00

Rules of the game:Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end of the game, you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!:)

1. jiemeis call elaine evil. DONT doubt.
2. my pillow isnt as flat as elaine's. (x
3. i dont pee so much lik elaine. (:
4. i am addicted to bubble tea too!
5. i think mentos is alright, like elaine.
6. i think zac efron is cute yes, jay chou isnt the cutest asian singer, and YES edison chen is the cutest asian.
7. unlike elaine, i dont leav a trail and i dont strip. xD
8. i nvr breed fungi, EVER. unlike elaine. haha.
9. i dont collect dust of all species lik elaine.
10. i love bridge, perhaps monopoly too. :D

HAHAHA.
done!
elaine shd credit me for this.
http://www.self-delusional-freak.blogspot.com/
go check it out, yo!
i alr said im gna do it.
right, elaine?

anyone can do this. :D

2007-09-10T20:15:00.000+08:00

this happens to be the first day of sch.
start of a new sch term.
plus the start of yet another horrible nightmare.
BUT, it so happen that I'M ABSENT.
migraine migraine migraine.
argh.
irritating pest just bug off pls.

it bugged me real hard for 2 days alr.
-.-

ytd was really horrible in the morning.
woke up a lil ltr to enjoy prata.
head down to cindy's hse.
at the bubble tea shop, i almost died.
first i'm cursing the stupid hot weather.
nxt i'm trying not to strangle this girl.
she's so YOUNG and brainless.
cant even rmb what she wna buy.
GOODNESS.
whoever sends this girl here!
they should just get it themselves.
c'mon, she's so bloody young.
memory is lik worse than a goldfish.
tsk.

shift to elaine's hse.
started admiring her new deck of cards.
winnie the pooh, yo!
played a few rounds of bridge.
then we decided to play MONOPOLY.
it's lik a new jiemeis game or something.
boring ppl play board games, yo!
we played for lik hrs.
and duck just love skipping her houses.
they're all house owners except me.
buy buy buy left me w nothing.
-.-

dinner at amk hub!
subway!
craving for it is satisfied for a while.
i now crave for it once agn.
walked ard.
saw neeta and her bro.
could hav gotten my phone ytd.
but returned home feeling disapptd and angsty.
damn.

so basically i slpt lik majority of the day.
woke up had maggi noodles.
waited till lik 3 then head down.
i've learnt to be smart alr.
new type of painkillers.
hope it helps.

oh yeah.
sat was an unproductive day once agn.
studied w two interesting ppl.
our beloved D.N tootsie plus xuan.
i was damn distracted.
cant help it.

so here i am.
tolerating those chanting across the street.
hoping that my migraine will go awy.
but apparently.
painkillers aint miracle pills.

i wish they're miracle pills.

DN. Tootsie has absolute sad life.
her 18th birthday comes at the wrong time.
in the middle of her prelims.
we wna make it a big event for her!
but we aint sure when.
sad life eh.
tsktsk.

jiemeis are really a bunch of old ppl.
we're all born at the first half of the yr.
excluding tootsie.
she's ONE yr older.

shall go do elaine's thing.
when i'm free, perhaps.

2007-09-05T20:56:00.000+08:00

HAIRSPRAY IS FANTABULOUS.
it's a pity angeline cldnt come.
she shd hav just listened to us.
perhaps her frnd dont really appreciate it.
but we sure do.

as i am a nice person.
i responded to elaine's request.
i left my hse earlier to meet her.
but the bus wldnt cooperate.
so too bad girl.

the show was hilarious.
zac efron's a heart throb.
totally cute and all.
tho he had a retarded hairstyle.
he looks better not being blond.

i just dont get it.
lik he fell in love w tracy.
it's not wrong.
but she's flabby and all.
thot all cool dudes lik hot girls?
so not realistic at all this show.
well it's abt fantasy.
1960s and all.
anw it's just a movie.
it might happn.
lik hot guys date fat girls.
but not all the time.

ppl are just superficial.
period.

well i lik this kinda show.
dance and sing and all.
so hyped up and all.
pretty entertaining.
john travolta was hilarious.
tripple E.
boy oh boy.

persuaded duck to skip ballet.
head dwn to cave as usual.
we're just a bunch of bored ppl.
aftr a while we started stoning.
they're hungry and all.
decided to play monopoly.
-.-
right.

another unproductive day.
i lack inspiration for duck's compo.
i'm NOT evn done w mine.
bet ms ang's gna murder me.
-.-

mom's birthday.
bought her a cake and now i'm rotting.
hols aint evn hols anymr.
w all those PW and all.
so damn irritating.

elaine has a bad habit.
peeking over yr shoulder.
looking at every single alphabet you type.

feeling cranky all of a sudden.
shall go hav some icecream.
it might make me feel better.
thinking of waking up early tmr?
-.-

wna meet ping for breakfast.
seems a lil impossible and all.
damn tired now.
just wna conk out and slp.

bet i'm gna suffer from insomnia agn.

2007-09-03T20:44:00.000+08:00

okay.
i seriously must applaud vanny for her courage.
her letter to the archbishop, MOE and forum.
WAY COOL.
read it and WOW.
no wonder she takes KI.

well i do agree w her.
what's wrong w the system?
you're not supposed to question it.
just take it as it is and ACCEPT it.

gross huh.

i really wonder why the hell am i here.
lik what daryn said.
if there's a chance, MIGRATE ppl.
MIGRATE.

i do wish.
no financial ability to tho.
as much as i wish to study overseas.
or live some where else.
but that's not gna happn.
okay fine.
s'pore's save and all those bullshit cowdung.
tax aint so high and all.
but still ..
forget it.

just live thru it and yeah.

having this 'interesting' conversation.
w none other than mr goh cheng en.
he made it sound lik .... ARGH.
i dont know how to explain it.
but nvm.
conversation is way too 'interesting'.

debate's over.
no thrill.
tsk.

feel that something's missing.
seriously.
it does contain some kick.
saying something really bitchy.
esp when there's no retaliation.
but the kick is just something mean.
no real joy or so.
NO FUN.

okay the kick is back!
heated debate going on w cheng en.
i so love being the bitch here.
tsk.

2007-09-02T21:02:00.000+08:00

currently at elaine's hse.
the comp's still down.
it was alright at first.
after a while it died agn.
wonder why.
ass.

well well well.
it's a day of BRIDGE.
it's a jiemeis thing.
we are so not adventurous.
we only stay at the CAVE.
bridge all day.
occasional playground for a breather.

duck is damn funny.
seriously.
she repeated her mistake TWICE.
her ace diamond ate my king TWICE.
when i am her PARTNER TWICE.
o.o
too stunned for words.

bridge is fun fun fun.
love bridge.
bridge bridge bridge.
shd play w unity ppl.
im the expert!

the outing was alright on fri.
i dint go to sch.
i lik the idea of going back.
quite cool.
long and xuanqi gav me a surprise.
thanks girls.

it's good to see the tchrs.
quite a familiar feeling.
quite good.

went for lunch w some girls.
weihong was being damn funny.
a lil emo too.
howchye's evn more entertaining.
he doesnt know where's his waist!
hahahaha.

okay.
dinner was good too.
spree at chomp chomp.
food food food!
gathering at chel's hse.
the usual ppl only.
tho a few.
but it's better than none.

rotted the whole of sat.
DAMN BORED ALRIGHT.
i'm the sofa of the day.
glued there the entire day.
woke up near 3pm.
rotted at the sofa.
became the sofa.
except for bathing.
that's it.

hate woman.
ass.

so here i am.
i had a bad migraine this morning.
no church.
-.-
okay guilty lik hell.
):<
so hate myself.

math tmr morning.
haven done the work yet.
he's gna start bitching.
but oh well.

hols aint hols at all.
I WNA WATCH HAIRSPRAY!

any other nice movies?

2007-09-02T14:15:00.000+08:00

comp's down so can only post it now.
so yeah.
________

in loving memory of:
GABRIEL GOH.

life is indeed unpredictable.
everyday, there are ppl dying.
who knows.
some day, someone you know will be gone.
you cant control it.
neither can you foresee it.
you just hav to embrace it.

tho i'm not really close to gabriel.
but at least he calls me ahgong.
hangs out w the kids and i last time.
we did hav our fair share of fun.
he was a nice boy, definitely.

i still rmb one incident vividly.
last yr, whilst walking to the soccer field.
i fell down.
he's forever bringing his first aid kit w him.
offered me alcohol swab.

that was probably the last time.

i was wondering to myself.
he, being a first aider,
cant aid himself at that point of time.
he must hav felt really vulnerable.
i was asking myself.
did he struggle?
or was it just a peaceful departure.
that, is something no one knows.
except for him and perhaps God.

will he be forgotten?
no i dont think so.
he will be forever in our memory.
tho his time in this world is short.
but i sure hope that it had been meaningful.

i was telling cheng en ytd.
it's not fair you know.
that he's only 16.
yet to take his prelims and O's.
yet to embark on his next phase of education.
yet to do so many things.
but life is not always fair isnt it.

cheng en told me.
that God will only pick the most beautiful flower.
i want to believe that gabriel's the one.
that's why he's taken home to be w God.
he's now free from all the miseries.
filled w joy and ascend to heaven.
one day, we will all see him again.
i want to believe in that.

to his family and friends and sch mates.
i offer my deepest condolences.

when i heard the news ytd.
i jumped out of my bed, in shock.
it might be just a dream.
or rather i hope.
but it's not.
i rushed down to sch.
seeing those sad faces of my kids.
it made me want to be strong for them.
therefore i dint tear.
i'm sure their hurt is more than mine.

as i went to joel's hse.
i was thinking a lot to myself.
thinking that life isnt fair.
i was crying.
i thank God for cheng en.
for he was there to listen and explain.
he might never know this.
but he is appreciated.
tho there was an awkward silence.
at least i know that he's there.

what abt gabriel?
was anyone there for him during his last moments?
was he in pain?
was he struggling?
these are the qns that we'll nvr know the ans.

as gor daniel prayed for him last night.
i cried again.
i really hope that he's the most beautiful flower.
that's why he's picked and not us.

i guess we should all be happy for him.
for he's now in heaven, w God.
he'll be filled w joy and happiness.
and it's gna last for eternity.

i pray.
for his family and friends.
that they'll be fine.
and that God will watch over them.
tide them all thru this difficult period.
it's never easy.
to lose someone that we all love.

i was supposed to attend his funeral.
one part of me just dint wna go.
not that i dont wna see him for the last time.
it's just that.
if i go and take a look.
i'm afraid i wont hav the courage to say goodbye.

no matter what.
he'll forever be my grandson.
and i am proud of him.
and i hope to see him again.
up there, in heaven.

2007-08-23T21:21:00.000+08:00

I HAV 2 DAYS MC!!!
how nice.
yesyes i am sick.
dad did grumble abt it this morning.
just pretend i was aslp anw.

rotted and slept.
went to polyclinic and rot further.
broke my own high score of zoo zoo club.
lame game i know.
but oh well.
boredom.

went to get some stuff at compass.
keep seeing levinia there.
it's not really a gd thing.
i'd rather see her ALONE.
you'll get what i mean.

watched 300.
OMG.
it's damn nice!
super good show.
those abs of theirs.
MAN.
the entire sparta.
filled w those men.
COOL STUFF ALRIGHT.

really gd gd show.

rotted ard.
had dinner and had apple juice.
pretty pathetic eh the machine.
lousy old technology.

wanted to ask my dad abt my new phone.
no guts or whatsoever.
still using xuan's.
felt really bad
shall ask him ltr.
if i dare.
the comp's fixed!
yayness.

sch tmr.
i can choose not to go.
i HAV MC!
hahahaha.

anw it's a short day.
shall just go and chill out.
after sch can go eat lunch.
then head dwn to joel's hse.
hmmm.

nthg much.
I JUST WANT MY THUMB DRIVE BACK!!!

2007-08-21T13:14:00.000+08:00

I LOST MY THUMB DRIVE AGAIN.
):<
i so hate myself.
my bag's not there so i thot everything's gone.
dint bother to check agn.
ARGH.

i dont wna lose EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!
):<

anw HATE migraine.
due to this EARTH SHATTERING BAD NEWS.
i hav a WORSE migraine.
-.-
so wna just die.

GOD, I WANT MY THUMB DRIVE BACK!!!
PRETTY PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

2007-08-18T10:47:00.000+08:00

baaahhh.
it's raining outside.
supposed to be doing EOM.
ended up blogging.
reason is simple:
he's wasting my time.
shant name who cos everyone knows.
TSK.
he shd see those skirts of those girls.
OTHER SCH GIRLS.
ahem. nvm.

i extracted 4 teeth this wk.
2 on mon and 2 on tues.
it was painful of cos.
i mean the aftermath.
the injection too.
he injected near my nerve or something.
tingling feeling down my body.
started shaking after that.
okay shant make it sound so horrendous.

put the lower brace on thurs.
it's damn painful okay.
worse than the upper on for sure.
i'm not sure why as well.
dont feel lik talking at all.
eating seems lik a chore.
for a hungry simxuelin.
it's lik hell.
but forget it.
can take this time to be on diet.

anw just read something really disgusting.
full of horrible english and spelling errors.
GOSH.-.-

currently rotting still.
he's wasting my time seriously.
-.-

nothing much happnd this wk.
just that cold war's still ongoing at home.
great.

anw feng is being entertaining.
she kept oogling at SOMEONE.
not reading her hist at all.
bet she's gna drool.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
she almost fell off her chair.
CLASSIC. :D

you want tissues?

hannah got chased out cos she wore shorts.
-.-
stupid.

relatives are coming over.
hope we hav a good meal.
anw i'm a teethless lion.
cant eat a lot.
plus i'm sick of chewing sometimes.
ARGH.
it's so unfair.
but nvm.

shall wait.
patience.

hist test on mon.
lit test on wed.
she's gna screw us on tues.
DEAD.
thank God i wasnt here ytd.

i so wna slp.
weather's perfect to slp in.

):<

2007-08-12T17:06:00.000+08:00

at elaine's hse.
my comp's not coming back.
-.-

this wk was gd.
2 days of sch.
1 day of celebration.
the rest of the days are hols.

yjc is damn smart.
they combine 3 events into a day.
save some day.
so that we can hav more lessons.
smart smart smart.

celebrations are a lil boring.
band hav to play songs for the sch.
not that ppl really care anw.
the sun and all the noise.
not good at all.
the wait was damn long.
but the run was gd to watch.

unity dinner was gd of cos.
it was a total success.
tho a lil last min and stuff.
but still many ppl turned up.
the wait at fish&co was damn long.
but it's the only place.
we hav so many ppl.

went out w jiemeis on nat day.
duck d.n. elaine and i.
went to hav fish AGN.
but dory was gd tho.
met my cousin but she dint call me.
central only hav food and nthg else.

head dwn towards cityhall.
the crowd is seriously WOW.
nat day so yeah.
wrong day to come.

bought stuff.
shopped ard, fruitful day.
went back to elaine's cave.
dinner w her parents.
utterly grateful for that.

fri was sch hols.
was damn pissed w that woman.
she seriously sucks.
forever making us wait.
she deserve to die.

was reading hist at hg pt.
head dwn to joel's hse.
played some games.
ate some food and went off.
oh yeah the present of the day.
a bruise at my hip.

woke up early and cant find skirt.
totally stupid right.
head dwn to sch for pw.
waited lik forever to start.
tsktsk.
total waste of time.
did EOM.
went home feeling totally tired.
hse warming w all the aunties.
they really killed my brain cells.
totally hate my sis' frnd.
she's lik a total bitch.
argh.

went for nirmal's party.
it was a gd night for everyone.
went home and watched the ring.
totally retarded.
just damn tired.
forgot to set alarm.

overslpt.
cramps.
thanks.
i dint go for church.
felt damn bad for not going.
3 wks alr!
okay nvm.
ppl are bound to say smthg.
okay forget it.

hate the cramps this morning.
monster hav no sympathety.
went back to slp and felt better.

here i am at elaine's hse.
w some irritating aura emmiting out.
stupid d.n.
my aura is emmitting angst.
i cant help it.
damn pissed w that woman.

sunday blues.
hate it totally.
hate sch.
gna go extract teeth tmr.
so damn scared of the pain aftr that.
but forget it.
tsk.

extract teeth tmr.
on tues as well.
thurs braces.
how nice.
all the trauma at one shot.

not that ppl undrstd.
extracting 8 teeth is painful.
eating is a chore.
nvm shant complain.
i chose it.

oversleep aint an excuse.
cramps too perhaps.
forget it.
i swear i'm gna go nxt wk.
unless i hav migraine.
which usually happens.
nvm, not that ppl undrstd.

sunday blues.

2007-08-05T16:03:00.000+08:00

at elaine's cave blogging once agn.
my comp's officially dead alright.
the internet connection is cuckoo-ed.
so guess it's time for a new comp.
bet my dad wldnt allow.
anw monster dint tell him anything YET.
so yeah.

i dint go to sch this wed.
took early leav on tues.
reason being: MIGRAINE.
yes the terrible irritating asshole thing.
it can kill seriously.
but, to my PARENTS.
who refuse to see the logic of migraine.
and the idea that i cant concentrate at all.
they are totally NOT sympathetic.
actually i predicted this.

however.
i am not surprised by the fact.
that my parents are backstabbing bitches.
they talked behind my back abt this.
hello.
if you got the guts.
come talk right into my face.
i hate those backstabbing thing going ard.
if they're not happy w me NOT gng to sch.
COME TELL ME RIGHT IN MY FACE.

my mom.
still came to display some slight concern.
AHEM.
i so do NOT need hypocrisy ard here.
so i am so turned off by them.
hence i've not been talking to them much.
i dont see the need to anw.
since they dont evn dare to talk in front of me.
opted to go backstab me.
bitch abt me to my sister.
GO AHEAD.

my mom wanted to bring me to a sinseh today.
i actually got up w the intention to.
BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT.
my sis told me abt the back stabbing thing.
says that:
dad says if i dont go to sch becos of HEADACHE agn.
he's gna transfer me to a poly (wth).
my mom agrees.
so dad said.
if i still dont go to sch due to HEADACHE in poly.
he's gna make sure i become a dropout.

WOW.
thanks a lot man.
thanks a fucking hell lot.
i so NEED such SUPPORTIVE parents.

wonderful.
wonderful.
wonderful.

i am so amazed by my parents.
i wonder why we are evn considered a family.
they DONT show concern abt my MIGRAINE.
come and rub salt into the wound.
backstab me.
thanks.

actually.
honestly speaking.
i am NOT shocked at all to hear these.
how screwed up can they get?
VERY.

so since they dont undrstd the fact.
FINE.
they shant undrstd it at all.
i shant see a sinseh.
if the pain kills me, all the better.
die in front of them.
see how serious migraine can get.

TSK.

well.
since it's painful EVERYDAY.
i'm prbly immune to it.
just that i cant take too much of it.
i'm not metal hello.
i do FEEL the pain.
but my parents dont.
they're not human so yeah.
forget it.

this wk's gna be wonderful.
2 days of sch ONLY.
well i'm not patriotic.
but it is gd to hav a hol once in a while.

well.
regarding my migraine.
i am thankful to ppl who care.
so yeah at least they hav sympathy.
shows that they're human beings.
not coldblooded backstabbing idiots.
yeah.

well.
jie audrey bothered to call me.
asked me how am i and stuff.
cos i dint go to church AGN today yeah.
so yeah.
see.
how i wish such traits exists in my parents.
but NO, it doesnt.

weiting texted me and asked if i'm okay.
she's really nice and all so yeah.

see, this is what i call CONCERN AND CARE.
i do appreciate, in case ppl dont know.

oh well.
what can i say.
anw, evn if i die of migraine.
which is not possible.
i wont want the sympathy of my parents anymr.
TOTALLY USELESS.
seriously.

since they nvr fail to look dwn on me.
so be it.
tsk.

anw.
monster is lucky.
he's off to m'sia to do some shopping.
lucky ass.
well.
wonder how he'll tell dad.
anw dad wont think comp's impt.
to him, it's just metals and metals.
yeah.

-.-

sch was alright this wk.
hist tutorial was especially entertaining.
nothing much was done.
rotted ard much.
mona's last wk.
kinda sad for she's really nice.
so yeah.
to think i harbour thots of skipping her lessons.
i mean previously.
i thot she was scary and all.
whn she's abt to leav.
you realise her importance you see.

gna miss her.
hope the new econs tutor is GOOD and nice.
if not we're dead seriously.
retired tchr can be screwed ups you see.
hard to tell.
if she's a nice friendly old lady.
i wldnt mind at all.
definitely.

on a funny note.
cindy just created a test.
it's super hilarious.
self-entertaining.
the last 2 retarded qns.
that ppl can nvr get it right.
are my ideas.
so ppl, if you wna ace it.
NAH. not possible.
unless you're cindy or simxuelin.
SUPER HILARIOUS.
definitely.

i wldnt stalk tissues if i were you.

anw the rest are outside now.
elaine's outside first.
called woman to call her in.
she ended up watching tv.
cindy went out to call them.
she ended up outside as well.
FUNNY HUH.
yeah.

shall plan this wk.
dont wna see my parents face at all.
perhaps my mom.
cos well she cooks.
she buys me icecream.
so she's nicer.
definitely.

i do vacuum for her alright.

just hope migraine dont kill me.
hate the external use medicine.
super yucky.

wish me luck.
hope i dont get bad ones everyday.

2007-07-29T16:33:00.000+08:00

at elaine's cave agn.
-.-
she cleaned her rm!
it's really glowing.
good job elaine.

dint go church today.
migraine.
-.-
i hav it evryday.
doesnt really matter.
just whether it's bad or not.
gosh.

why does those pills cause drowsiness?
dang.

ytd bridge-ed.
dua na's the jinx man.
i hav such wonderful cards.
she just killed me.
-.-

she's seriously bruised by duck.
poor woman.
elaine whacked her hard too.
her thigh's GLOWING.

wna bridge!
sunday blues.

2007-07-28T18:24:00.000+08:00

i'm finally blogging.
hse moving definitely sucks.
the comp's old and dying alr.
cant evn connect and all.
so i've been trying to survive you see.

basically i rotted my wk awy.
dint go to sch on thurs.
MIGRAINE ATTACK!
the wait at polyclinic was hopeless.
wonder what's wrong w those patients.
am i cursed or what?
the headache's getting frm back to worse.
along w the long wait of cos.

my parents are just hopeless.
they dont undrstd what's migraine.
tsk.
how the hell wld i want migraine.
it's against my own wishes hello.
obviously they dont see it my way.
or rather the medical way.
they think it's some normal headache.
resulted frm my bathing at night.
switching on the air con and slp thing.
what kinda shit is that?
i wonder too.
it's due to fucking eye strain and stress hello.
what stress?
i wonder too HURHUR.

but whatever.
i stopped talking to them abt it.
just shut up and go to my rm.
best solution.

weather's been really cooling.
good to slp in.

jiemeis visited my hse.
all of them did alr.
i'm glad they lik my hse.
i lik it too.
but oh well.
thr's still weiwei.

hmmm.
read harry potter.
well the ending's a lil -.-
but nvm.

rotted the entire wk.
ytd was early dismissal.
mannalife at redhill.
dont know how to go.
so i decided to go home and rot.
it's a great idea.

rotted today too.
dint join the youths.
not really interested anw.
just a lil rotty.
stoned and read the entire day.
gd distraction.

now at elaine's hse.
girls tlk you see.

another wk.
sian.
hate sch.

miss unity.
ken that emo is back to being emo.
tsktsk.
oh well.

sian

2007-07-24T20:15:00.000+08:00

back to blogging.
after such a long time eh.
had been real busy and all.
moving hse and stuff lik that.
the comp was down a few days ago.
it was fixed just ytd.
it's lik this old man.
once you touch it/whack it.
it's gna go haywire.
hence i must now exercise caution.
BEWARE OF WHACKING IT.

SSP was just a lame shit prog seriously.
i dint go on sat cos i had migraine attack.
feng signed in for me but dint sign me out.
this arouse the suspicion of lester lim.
obviously i lied that i went.
he believed me anw.
so thank God.

well for a moment i thot my thumbdrive's gone.
the entire PW thing's inside.
but it was found anw.
so yeah.
glad that everything's still inside.
i did a hell lot of stuff.
so it better not be gone.
else our effort's gone down the drain.

mr g. asked me this qn.
am i under performing for GP.
well i dont think i hav potential anw.
it's not right to come to a conclusion.
base on just my blocks.
i did write well for that one time.
doesnt mean i'm gna keep it up.
smtimes it's abt getting inspiration, yo.
so i'm just glad i chose the right qn.
and of cos thank God for that.

i admit i'm a lazy writer.
i dont really elaborate.
but i'm glad he gav me some encouragement.
telling me i hav potential to do well etc.
it might be a lie, who knows.
but i just feel that it's a gd one.
encouragement i mean.
false hopes perhaps.
but i dont think my english is good anw.
GP is suicide sometimes.
my comprehension is lik a stock market.
forever fluctuating.
who knows when i'll be scoring.

this sat's the water activities.
i hav second thots abt going you see.
firstly, i dont hav a swim wear.
plus i hvn been swimming for ages.
secondly i'm damn fat.
so i would look horrible you see.
so it's not just some paranoia alright.
it's based on facts.

i dont see how you can fellowship.
i mean while swimming.
talking in the water?
okay maybe it's just me.
i'm a bit ... okay nvm.

i dont think i'll be going.
rotting at home wld be better.
i lik my new hse, my new rm.
rotting inside seems so cool.

to hell w migraine seriously.
it's haunting me EVERY FUCKING DAY.
it's irritating and it hurts damn badly.
feng's massage was damn gd.
but i cant expect her to massage me alwys.
it's pretty bad and yeah.
it aint no free labour.

so the deathly hollow's out.
seems lik everyone has a copy of it.
as usual, cheapskate family of ours.
we will WAIT.
borrow the book frm someone.
read it thru.
get it when it's way cheaper.
that's one way of saving money.

i went to church on sun.
it was a reassuring one definitely.
made me feel way way better.
so i must thank God for He listens.
i know He's the faithful one.
He's alwys there.
i know that okay.
well obviously to some ppl.
it might seem lik i dont.
nvm shant say who.

lester lim called mom.
it wasnt a gd one of cos.
mom complained to dad.
dad bitched abt me behind my back.
it's not new isnt it.
well he wanted to lecture me ytd.
i just turned my back facing him.
went back to my rm.
SLEPT.
lik bloody hell.

firstly, no pt explaining so much.
he's gna label them as excuses anw.
so might as well save ENERGY.
slp slp slp slp slp.

they wont undrstd.
true, they were once young.
that was how many decades ago hello.
plus, they dint study when young.
so yeah, cant really say much.

stop comparing.
monster and i are way diff.

today's PE was good.
frisbee kicked some ass today.
really fun, tho ground's wet.
we WON.
it was a gd game.
we were all friendly and all.
obviously we MUST be.
this is w other classes hello.
but even within ourselves.
our class girls aint bitchy.
so thank God for that.
obviously not, we're friendly.

i lik PE w games and NOT running.
oh and hse practices.
total waste of time pls.
they're just so clever.
combine 3 events into one.
saves some day of cos.
tsk.

cheapskate.

skirts a big issue right now.
whoever got caught.
you must get a new skirt.
perhaps w a suspension?
oh well.

i was dead tempted alright.
not to go to sch and just get an MC.
it's highly possible.
polyclinic's just NEARBY.
so yeah, cool.

erm so yeah.
i was having a bad migraine attack.
decided to go home and slp.
cindy called and wna meet up.
so yeah went off to meet her.
dozed off in the bus.
but glad i woke up.
if not wld hav missed the stop.

woman's thr too.
went to mos.
chatted and all.
stupid woman kept playing games.
what's wrong w her man.

they visited my hse.
so yeah we played bridge too!
obviously we bullied dua na.
she's her own partner.
but cant blame us.
we're really bridge addicts.
thr's no rehab for bridge right.
so yeah too bad.
anw we wont get shot.
for possessing more thn 1 poker deck.
so yeah, it's legal.

i'm super tired.
but thr's math test tmr.
i'm so gna flunk it no matter what.
resolution to date it failed.
it dint happn for wks.
anw he wasnt here for wks.
ON MONDAYS.
so yeah oh well.

i dare say his lessons werent much help.
intimidating i wld say definitely.
cant blame us for hating math class.
we just suck at it.
i shall resolve to date math.
but that resolution isnt taking place.
YET.
just wait.

so i hav tonnes of things to say.
just gna summarise everything.
sch sucks and i dread going sch.
waking up early so isnt my thing.
they shd hav night sch or aftrnn sessions.
but oh well we hav a long long day.
so forget it.

okay nthg much to say.
eyes are lik shutting alr.
math math math.
fail it tmr man.
so gna fail it really.

water activities?
giv it a miss.
anw fri's mannalife?
erm dont think i'm going.
it's at uncle larry's hse.
REDHILL.
pretty far.
plus, i dont knw my way.
not gna msg anyone.
or ask anyone for directions.
am lazy to do so.
perhaps go home and stone.
slp even.
sounds real gd.

to me that is.

2007-07-17T21:13:00.000+08:00

damn tired.
not done w all those shit.
ganesh is making my survey a no choice one.
whatever.

bet mom's gna scream at me.
NOT DONE?!
yeah yeah.
whatever.

gotta complete the things tmr.
PW meeting and all.
just hope he dont come and bastard us.
i'd be utterly grateful.

migraine's killing me everyday.
argh.

2007-07-12T16:14:00.000+08:00

white socks and long skirts.
MAN.
i cant believe that's happening to me.
so pri sch/high sch pls.
but whatever the case is.
it's gna be a big issue in sch nxt wk onwrds.
they're gna emphasize on it evn more.
whoever defies the sch rule.
will be serving in house suspension.

i see no pt in it seriously.
short skirts doesnt mean we're bimbos.
it doesnt mean we're indecent.
look at all the other JCs.
the girls' skirts are way shorter.
sch rules ought to be flexible.
but it's not as if the tchrs giv a damn.

econs lecture was a big blur to me.
she kept jumping pages.
well at least she MADE the effort to explain.
koh just ignored us and ASSUMED we know.
well as we all know.
assumption is the mother of all fucked ups.
you shd hav seen koh's LONG skirt seriously.
the slit is so HIGH up that i cld see her thigh.
that's a gross fact to know obviously.
it's not that i'm a pervert.
observing her slit and all.
but she was strutting across the stage.
how cld i hav possibly missed it?

sch rules shd include:
no high slits that reveals thighs.
it aint attractive for woman her age.
trust me.

okay so econs lecture was alright.
shall attend it diligently since she made the effort.
tho her english is really bad.
but we're all used to bad english.
there ought to be some rule.
stating that tchrs shd speak gd english.
this is called setting a gd example.
obviously they dont really care.
tsktsk.

i acted lik a total nerd.
wearing nat's specs and zipped up sweater.
totally gross but amusing.
PW was once agn entertaining.
laughing at the dumbest thing.
it's the company of cos.
all of us had pink pinkies.

PW is seriously boring.
i bet the retainees are feeling worse.
they hav to listen to hyno-therapy.
CONSTANTLY ON THE GO.
man if i were in their shoes.
i'd prbly die or smthg.

no econs lecture.
hvn seen mona for ages.
she's gna go soon anw.
pursue her PhD.
or however you caps those letters.
smart eh.
rumours said she's gna jump to RJ.
well she can go by all means.
we hav new econs tchrs.
YOUNG and look pretty useless.

while waiting for our turn for oral.
nat and i kept laughing lik crazy idiots.
well this is to ease some tension.
we're lik zoo animals.
caged up in this tiny pathetic basement.
we're looking at those tchrs.
they are looking at us.
it's lik a circus show really.
this doesnt help to ease our tension seriously.
anw those tchrs seem menopausal.
kinda scary esp ours.
it all depends isnt it.

we came up w this evil idea.
of pinching the demonic presence.
wahhh i'm so glad nat's my shield.
if not i'll die befr i go in and meet my doom.
it alr killed all the plants ard the neighbourhood.
i dont want the waves to kill my brain cells.
i'm alr dumb enf, i dont need to get dumber.
but the idea was really good.
but i bet it's not gna work.
the layer of fats' impenetratable.
HURHUR.

laughed too much and got too tired.
hannah that silly girl.
i bet she stressed herself too much.
she kept waving her hands ard.
nat and i were pretty amused.

i honestly wna murder the guy beside me.
he's so damn loud i cldnt hear myself.
i was scared i was damn loud.
so i lowered my volume.
who knows, he's evn worse than i am.
i was trying really hard to concentrate.
he was sprouting the wrong words.
listening to him would just mean doom for me.
i was speaking quite quickly.
as usual, i'm a machine gun.
trained and am gd at it.

the qn's abt campus superstar etc.
i just crapped a lot of rubbish.
i talked abt focusing on studies.
obviously those 2 women were impressed.
aftrall they're TEACHERS.
they dint choose this occupation for nthg.
obviously education is sacred to them.
unless they're jobless ppl.
but they seem OLD to me.
so bet they still think teaching is sacred.
they're nice, smiling at me and all.
somewhat eased my nervousness.
plus all the while i've been trying to control.
I SO WNA SHIT PLS.
it's not due to anxiety or what.
it's purely due to beehoon and chrysanthemum.
but that's not the main pt.

i finished and i dnt hav to be quarantined.
head home straight and here i am.
nodding on the bus seems lik a habit.
feeling a lil lazy to pack my stuff.
so here i am blogging.
headache's acting up agn.
i so hate this fucking migraine.

shall embark on my painkillers tmr.

2007-07-11T20:35:00.001+08:00

i dint go to sch today!
yes agn in just two wks.
last thurs was once.
today yet agn.

had a splitting headache.
since monday.
ytd it happnd agn.
thanks to the booming loud voice.
it's so life-threatening.
pls.
my once filled w compassion heart's gone.
the moment the demonic presence appeared.
and the min the mouth's opn.
OH PLS.
how pathetic.
it killed all the grn grn grass.
made them bald.
it rained his saliva.
how exaggerated.

that's how powerful the voice is.
plus the demonic presence.
definitely.

so i was sleeping so soundfully today.
whn i realised it stormed.
the windows aint closed.
so it flooded my living rm.
i went to save the clothes.
but it's alr soaked thru.
and whn i begin the rescue operation.
i'm drenched too.
thanks rain.

thankfully not the demonic saliva.

woke up.
came online.
dated woman out for lunch.
saw xuan at the escalator.
waited for woman.
lik forever once agn.
went to hav lunch at pepper lunch.
it's gd to see the two of thm.

wlkd ard.
went to see the doc.
man.
he said i developed MIGRAINE.
eye strain and all.
stress and diarrhoea are linked.
diarrhoea linked to migraine.
lik ?????
okay whatever the case is.
he switched off all lights.
checked my eyes for damn long.
eye strain bla bla bla.
yeah.

MIGRAINE.
goodness.
only one gd effect.
can skip PE whn i hav it.
NO WONDER I KEEP HVNG HEADACHES.
damnit.

thanks migraine for entering my life.

whatever the case is.
i hav a new thing in me.
migraine, my best frnd.

oral tmr.
i'm so so so so dead.
dont really speak chinese now.
esp in sch.
so i guess i'm pretty much dead.

thanks.

cant believe i missed spencer's lecture.
damn.

2007-07-09T20:45:00.000+08:00

HEADACHE HEADACHE GO AWY!
today is a long day.
w thousand and one breaks in betwn.
only hist GP and chinese.
baaahhh.

it's a waste of time.
i was DAMN bored.
so i went crazy.
SERIOUSLY.

headache haunted me.
waited for duck until i almost died.
revived by milo.
and reading of 8 days.

i'm damn bored and i hate sch.

2007-07-08T21:43:00.001+08:00

sunday blues.
diarrhoea the entire wk.
damnit.
i think i hav cancer or something.
tsk.

bridge the entire aftrnn.
so love elaine's mom's new bed.
what the rm lacks is a fridge.

woman imitated rihanna ytd night.
video was hilarious.

i hate sch.
dread sch.
hate waking up early.
dread waking up early.
there's band tmr too.
thanks so much.

when will i hav rest?
when i'm old and sitting on wheelchair.
perhaps.

blueblueblue.
tsk.

2007-07-05T20:05:00.000+08:00

diarrhoea loves my company.
today i dint go to sch.
reason being : DIARRHOEA.
i declare diarrhoea my best frnd.
seriously.

today's the dont know how many times this wk.
thankyou so much eh diarrhoea.
i so ADORE you.
-.-

so elaine skipped sch.
so both of us head dwn to polyclinic.
that stupid woman.
she got suspended frm sch.
reason being :
SHE LOST HER NAME TAG.
-.-
how dumb can the sch get?

it's my first time at the polyclinic.
honestly i swear.
got a no. and went for lunch.
the sec 4 kids are so fortunate.
dismissed so early.

went back.
waited lik crazy.
the woman's our entertainment.

aftr evrythg's done.
head back to elaine's cave duh.
we decided to play black jack.
the loser shall drink half a cup of water.
MAN.
it makes me feel damn bloated.
so wna die aftr drinking water.
i drank the least no. of cups.
dua na's worse.

whenever she thinks of black jack.
she'll think of water in future.

cindy came and went.
played dai dee and went off shortly.
went to pick my sis up.
watchd a lil shrek 3.

i'm so dead.
i've not done my hist.
hope i dont fall aslp tonight.
last night i just fell aslp.
tho taller one tld me not to.
but i did.

tmr's friday!
it's gd cos i dismiss early.
hope diarrhoea stay far awy frm me.

2007-07-03T20:43:00.000+08:00

well, i just got rejected today.
all along i've been having a gd relationship.
until sec 3.
he just started to find me irritating.
therefore he dumped me!
since then.
i tried to jio him.
tried and tried.
almost gav him up befr O's.
persisted and was alright w him.
thot i'm not gna touch him agn.
but chose this path so i did.
met him agn.
hated him and abhor him to the core.
nvr was his lover.
but he's impt to me, my life, my future.
so now i really need him in my life.

but he dumped me today.
rejected me dwn right in my face.
thanks for rejecting me once agn.
shall go dating!
i shall go date him.
date my beloved MATH.
make him my MANSTRESS.

the nxt target :
ECONS.
must go jio econs.
he rejected me today too.
tho we just knew each other.
but i try to love him seriously.
TRY.

hope my hist husband dont divorce me.
damn worried for my lit boyfrnd.
DONT DUMP ME.

i alr see SSP smiling at me.
preparing my funeral for me alr.
thanks.
so much math.

I MUST LOVE MATH.
I LOVE MATH.
I LOVE ECONS.
must psycho myself.
go dating!

2007-07-02T10:36:00.000+08:00

i'm so glad my results aint out yet.
duck officially broke up w math.
she shd go patch up w him.
i bet it's a HE cos it's irritating.
anw duck cant date a woman.
so yeah HE.
duck, go patch up.
i need to go dating w math.
i think i will end up breaking up w ..
EVRYTHING.
-.-

2007-06-30T23:33:00.000+08:00

okay.
since duck asked me to update.
i shall.
it's RARE to see me blogging so late.
cos monster's not home!
must make gd use of this opportunity.

finally.
the exams are over.
can catch a breather and feel liberated.
of cos, i was damn sad.
it also spells the start of dooms day.
we're gna get our results back nxt wk.
which means.
i must enjoy these few days to the fullest.
bridge wld be the best solution.

scrwd up basically evrythg.
dont evn need to elaborate.
generalise and ta-da.
evrythg's a goner.
trust me.

math was the ultimatum.
it totally killed my heart.
it too took awy hope.
damnit.

aftr math paper.
i tried not to calculate.
so not gna sub-pass at all.
dont evn wna delude myself.

aftr that was lunch w jiemeis.
it's been quite some time.
angeline the mother of twelve came too.
had lunch at pasta.

laughed a lot abt the HeWoman.
well she provided us lots of entertainment.
too bad she has O's oral.
if she's thr we'll be all in.

wlkd ard and rotted w cindy.
decided to be adventurous.
head dwn to compass and rot further.
she wna hunt for stickers, to no avail.
we bought cute socks frm kiddy palace.
she declared kiddy her best frnd.
i'm gna share it w duck of cos.
hers is a cute lil duckling.
saw it and wna buy it for her alr.
it's MEANT for her alright.
was thinking of the aeroplane one.
but nvm, shall giv duck a chance.
the cute duckie is smiling at me.
asking me to get it.
how cld i bare not to?

rotted a while and took bus back.
back to the bball bus stop.
took 73 to toapayoh.
head dwn to joel's hse.
it's been quite some time.
thot i'd forget my way or smthg.
but of cos, i'm street smart.
found my way thr.

took the chance to calculate marks.
damnit.
was rather depressed abt it.
yada yada yada.

ms surina hua mulan called.
so i tried rushing those boys dwn.
joel soh retorted that he's not a girl.
hence i called him JERALDINE.

boys are such dilly dallies.
tsk.

went to meet surina.
cldnt decide whr to hav dinner.
so i said food court.
but i wasnt hungry.
no appetite anw.

bought icecream to cheer myself up.
coke too.
obviously it's gna help.

so there goes the 2.
joel and chenglong.
trying to psycho surina to quit her job.
yada yada yada.

went back.
mannalife-ed.
i tld jie audrey i dreamt of her.
dreamt of her GIVING BIRTH.
i still rmb the time clearly.
230pm.
man.

it's a gd dream to her of cos.

went off.
wlkd super fast.
cos i cant stand those dilly dallies.
anw saw ruben.
felt quite sorry for him.
he missed the entire blocks.
just lik daryn.
both hav to wrk damn hard.
if not they're dead for promos.
well tho i admit i dont lik him at all.
but still, i'm not inhuman.
shall hav certain amt of compassion.

today.
woke up early to hav brkfst.
w monster asking me for advice.
asking me the bus to take.
asking me what he shd wear.
what wld he do w/o me man.
tsk.

head dwn to hg mall for brkfst.
w vivian and chenglong.
i felt lik a lightbulb seriously.
but i was the one who dated her.
he was the kpo one.
so whatever.

head dwn to church.
along the way the CHIAs board the bus.
yada yada yada.

separated into grps.
i'm in grp 4, w joel and ash.
since i'm the oldest thr.
i hav to resume responsibility.
glad i did.
cos i'm the camera man.

was damn bored while waiting.
so was singing songs.
patriotic ones since ND is coming.
but decided not to.

tho the song umbrella is retarded.
it gets stuck in my head.
so to irritate ppl.
i sang a small part of that song.
of cos, it's powerful enf.
killed a few of my gd cells of cos.

hav to search for 8 pieces of pp.
tho i'm short, i felt accomplished.
climbed on top of the chair.
reached behind the poster and got it.
dont underestimate me alright.
i'm capable of climbing chairs.
only fear is that i'll injure my arch.
cos i tip-toed you see.

we're the 2nd grp to go.
venue's jurong east library.
lik whr the hell is that place.
so called ppl for help.
howchye rocks.
cos he searched the entire list for me.

saw gary's grp.
went tgthr w thm.
he tried to trick me along the way.
c'mon, i'm no fool alright.
i'm EDUCATED.
hence i can read the word 'LIBRARY'.
-.-

be glad he's not chenglong.
shd hav seen the way i cornered him.
make him so vulnerable.
apologising to me repeatedly.
for he INSULTED MY INTELLIGENCE TWICE.
chenglong is evil.
vondra obviously enjoyed the movie.

hav to solve the puzzle.
a master piece of zhen ming's.
it was tough definitely.
called so many ppl for hlp.
killing lots of brain cells along the way.
felt lik sitting dwn and rot.
stare at the paper and all.
decided to giv it a shot.
i can feel the adrenaline rush.
the competitive xuelin's on.
she wna WIN of cos.

the stupid librarian.
he saw us making noise.
so he came and make some noise.
bloody bitch.
be glad i'm too busy.
if not i'm so gna curse him.

finished the puzzle 2nd.
proceed dwn to telok blangah hill.
whr the hell is that place agn.
so wlkd to the int.
decided to take 97.
wonder whr to stop.
but who cares.

waited lik forever.
then was looking out for signs.
so i cant fall aslp.
in the end we overshot.
lots of things happnd.
almost wna murder glenn.
cos he himself is confused.
so whatever.
in conclusion :
we were supposedly 2nd.
but we ended up last.

it's my fault as well.
i know.
i was making a fool outta myself.
singing songs to ash.
trying to trick some money frm joel.
just overall being stupid.

drank that @%@$^#%&@#% drink.
man.
it tastes lik shit.
i drank 3 mouths of it.
cos i drank it for the 2 others.
they're still 15.
dont spoil their stomach.
when glenn tld me it's contents.
i felt lik having diarrhoea alr.

did star jump at the hill thing.
felt so retarded.
went to fool ard for a while.
head back.
felt lik dying while walking.
-.-

hot weather.
plus i killed lots of brain cells.
burn a lot of fats.
lost lots of water thru sweat.
damn.

tho we lost, but we had fun.
okay not so bad.
except for the library part.
AND the stupid bus uncle.
he obviously saw us.
but he drove off.
at that moment.
i was swearing and cursing.
he shd be glad he's not near.
else i'll go kick his door till it opns.

went off for dinner.
was damn hungry.
felt lik swallowing a cow.
was pissed w chenglong.
cos he insulted me thrice.

normally.
anyone who does it.
i'm not so petty.
it's just him i'm picking on.
oh well.
i just choose to be angry w him.
choose to not talk to him.
bet he doesnt undrstd why.
tsk.

ate in silence.
hungry man = angry man.
went off w vivian.
then waited for 147 lik HELL.
but it dint wna come.
so pek cek.
wlkd to the other side.
43 came so just right.

BRIDGE.
it was alright.
dua na shdnt play.
her luck sucks today.
she kept losing.
and elaine kept partnering her.
meant to be that's why.

so here i am.
blogging alr.
duck, you better see this.
cos i BLOGGED.

hav to wake up early tmr.
church.
then bridge.
yayness.

chenglong's gna be bald tmr.
perhaps bald evry yr.
save some money for hair cut.
quite gd a deal.

shall go slp early.
shall go force myself to slp early.
tho i'm damn tired.
but it's a habit alr.
since this wk.
damn.

2007-06-26T20:24:00.001+08:00

i'm officially dead i tell you.
i screwed up my econs today.
totally blank out whn i see the pp.
damn.
how nice.

lit was a goner too.
everythg's easy IF I'M PREPARED.
but i'm SO NOT.
so forget it.

to ming ching.
who takes 4H2 and 1 H1.
including KI.
ytd's lit was NOTHING.
-.-

i wish i'm as smart.

i'll be glad to even S my econs.
damnit.

the dramatic ending of GP paper.
navi was simply horrified.
poor girl.
hope she's alright.

why is evrythg abt MARRIAGE ?
last wk.
i hav weird frnds tlkg abt marriage.
this wk.
ytd's lit prose was on marriage.
today's GP essay on single.
compre on MARRIAGE.
what's w tht WORD ?!
i declare i HATE that word.

if tmr's chinese pp comes out marriage.
i'm so gna bang my head on the wall.
damnit.
what's w the word seriously.
it's NOT a sign or calling or whatsoever.
it's pure lameshit.

I HATE THAT WORD.

i'm so dead for the subsequent tests.
hope i dont die.
SERIOUSLY.
T.T

2007-06-24T20:56:00.000+08:00

tmr's the start of the blocks.
argh.
i know why ours is called block tests.
it blocks my mind.
-.-

so screwed man.
seriously.
whatever i study cant get in.
doomed to fail.

just hope that God will help me.
i can only hope for that.
other than that.
nothing else alr.
-.-

i'm a defective blue worm.
i wriggle on elaine's bed.
dont believe ?
ask her.

i do wriggle.
i am a worm.
defective one at that.

-.-

2007-06-22T20:20:00.001+08:00

I'M BACK FRM CHURCH CAMP.
it was good.
had fair share of fun.
pretty cool and all.

games were gd.
captains ball.
bowling and evn ropes.
the women are real cool ppl.
way cool.

food thr's alright.
not excluding the instant noodles.
supper for the nights.

learnt a lot.
abt team work and all.
quite cool to stay in a villa w adults.
got to know uncle greg's fam better.
pretty awesome.

the kids are cute.
the youths energetic.
the adults cool.
gd experience.

4 days of not mugging.
i'm so dead for blocks.
i just hope that God will hlp me w it.
shall hav faith then.
yep.

dint do much today as well.
went right back to slp aftr lunch.
i'm such a pig.
/:

oh boy.